Happy Girl

I'm still here!

2011-12-15T21:28:00.003-05:00

It seems lately I have been neglectful of blog-land. There's been so much going on. With my new job I'm unable to access the internet much. Because I work for such a secure company it's hard to get on the internet, even at lunch, which is when I would do most of my blog reading. :-( And by the time I get home, I'm beat and have a million other things to do.

But all is well here. Lauren is doing well. Peanut is due to arrive on June 5. LW and I actually heard the heartbea0t last month. In Jan Lauren will find out what she is having, and once she does, let the shopping begin!

Kassidy is growing like a weed every day. Every time I see her she is taller. She made level 3 honor roll recently, so we are so thrilled and proud of her. She is really working hard this year.

LW is still super busy with basketball.

And me, well I'm busy holding down the fort at home, learning my new job and meeting new people. Everything is going well.

I hope each of you have a Merry Christmas and a joyous holiday season. I wish each of you nothing but the best in the new year.

Until then....

Quick Update

2011-11-17T21:45:00.002-05:00

Things have been a little hectic around our house. Between work and everything else I haven't had time to read blogs or update my blog. I'll do a quick run down before I head to bed for the evening. It's been a log week.

- The new job is going great. I am loving it more than I dreamed possible.

- Kassidy made the travel volleyball team for Spring. We are so happy for her.

- Lauren and the baby are doing well. LW and I got to hear the heart beat on Monday and it melted our hearts.

- LW is busy with basketball as usual.

All in all we are all doing great. Just trying to stay focused.

I want to take the time to wish each of you a Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you will be able to spend it with your family and friends. We will be having Thanksgiving breakfast with my family at our house and dinner at LW's sister's house. I can't wait to see the families and spend time with them.

Holiday Blessings!

Grandma

2011-10-19T09:44:00.002-04:00

At the ripe old age of 38 I am going to be a grandma.

Shocked you say? Well, join the club.

LW's oldest daughter, who is 20 (will be 21 in April), announced to me last week that she is pregnant. It's hard to be overly joyful about this given her age, but in due time, we will all be super excited to have a baby in our life.

She had her first ultrasound yesterday and baby and momma are healthy. Lauren is due June 8th.

While we all know it's early, we are hopeful that she remains healthy for her pregnancy. So far she's been super responsible. You have to wonder, because sometimes at their age, responsibility goes out the door. But she's been eating well, taking care of herself and asking questions if she's not sure of what to eat, what to take, etc.

Poppa W (LW) has been a little in shock, but he talked to her last night and told her "there's nothing I wouldn't do for you, all you have to do is talk to me."

This will be a very trying journey for me as I will be faced with my own saddness over not being able to have my own children. I am going to have to put my feelings aside to help Lauren through her pregnancy. Already she's asking questions that I couldn't possibly ever be able to answer....like "will it hurt to have the baby", "should I feel this way".

But regardless, we will all get through this as a family. We will find happiness. And where there is disconnect with us a family, hopefully the baby can bridge that gap.

We've had one heck of a year so far, and the next year is going to prove to be just as crazy.

Please if you're a Facebook friend of mine, do not post anything about this. Our youngest daughter doesn't know yet. Lauren is telling Kassidy this weekend.

Stay tuned for what lies ahead!

Tastefully Simple

2011-10-07T13:43:00.006-04:00

I've started a new part time gig to earn extra fun money.

I have decided to become a Tastefully Simple Independent Consultant! And I love it. If you've never heard of Tastefully Simple it is a home taste testing company that offers products that only need about one or two additional products mixed in. You can make drinks, soups, dips, breads, desserts and so on.

Super easy!

So if you have Facebook friend my fan page!

Or if you ever want to place an order, here is my website.

I'm looking forward to seeing how this will work out for me. So far so good.

I've closed two shows and have three in the next month! How's that for a successful start?

Have you ever tried Tastefully Simple? I'd love to know!

New Job

2011-10-06T11:43:00.002-04:00

After 9+ years I have resigned my position with my company and will be moving on to a different phase in my life. I accepted a role with a local company that is very involved in our community.

I will continue to work with the IT applications that I work with currently, but I will be in more of a leadership position. I'm super excited and nervous as this all happened really fast. I had interview LAST Friday. On Sunday I was offered the job (who offers someone a job on a Sunday?). By Tuesday I was filing my resignation with my company.

My last day at work is October 20th and my first day at the new job is October 24th.

I'm really excited for this new adventure.

I will try to continue to blog but I'm sure they will be few and far between (more than they are now!). I do read your blogs even though I haven't always commented.

Looking forward to the next phase in my life!

Kitty Update

2011-09-22T11:57:00.002-04:00

I am happy to report that my little man is back to normal. :-)

I'm wondering if he just had a case of the flu or something, as we all get sick, pets included.

He's jumping, running, playing.....so I thinking he's going to be alright.

I'm hopeful that he will make it another two years. Boots is just so special to me.

Thank you for all of the kind words. :-) The kids are happy and so am I!

My little man is sick.

2011-09-14T16:05:00.003-04:00

Last night while I was sitting there putting some things together and working on the computer, I noticed my oldest cat had not ventured out to greet me upon my arrival home. Thinking nothing of it, I wandered the house looking for him, with the younger cat in tow, crying and carrying on. Eventually I found my little man, curled up under my bed struggling to breathe.

I quickly pulled him out and began assessing him. Surely nothing could be wrong because one week to the day he had been to the vet for his annual vaccinations and his senior blood work. And all of his blood work came back normal.

Eventually I calmed down enough to call my husband and tell him he has to come home as soon as he can because we have to get Boots to the emergency vet. By the time my husband arrived, Boots could hardly stand up, his eyes were rolling in the back of his head, and his tongue was hanging out.

After what seemed like the longest drive ever to the emergency vet, he was half heartedly diagnosed with asthma. The vet is bordering on heart disease, but since his blood work came back clean the week before she's hoping that it's just asthma. So after two x-rays, Lasix, medicine and breathing treatments, three and half hours later he came home...at almost 2am.

Needless to say we are exhausted as we both had to come into work just a few short hours later.

I wish I could say I had happy news, but Boots is hanging on. He has two meds that I have to give him and if those don't work then we have to get him some additional help of some kind.

My heart aches to see my little man in such a sad state. He's 13 years old, which is relatively old in human years. He's a fighter though and I pray with all that I have that he overcomes this and we can find the best course of treatment for him. I've had Boots since he was weaned from his Momma so it will be emotionally draining for me the day I have to let him go.

If you have room on your prayer list, send up a little prayer for Boots. He's been such a wonderful companion these last 13 years. Life without him would never been the same.

A very special gift.

2011-08-29T12:37:00.005-04:00

We received many thoughtful and beautiful gifts (along with money and gift cards) for our wedding, but none stood out, or made me tear up, as much as the gift from a fellow blogger, LaVoice.

I think it was about a week or so before the wedding when a little box showed up on my doorstep. Inside of that box was a beautiful picture frame in the colors of my livingroom. As soon as I opened it I knew right away which picture I was going to put in it. I just didn't have the picture printed yet.

Finally this past week I got around to ordering my wedding (ahem and engagement) pictures. There proudly displayed on the table behind our couch amoung my other treasured photos is this:

I'll forever be grateful for the friendship I have found with LaVoice. Just knowing her makes me want to be a better person. And of course her niece is pretty awesome as well. :-)

Thank you LaVoice! You'll never know how much your gift means to me. I will treasure it always.

Happy Birthday LaVoice!

2011-08-25T08:20:00.002-04:00

I want to send out a special birthday wish to my blogging buddy LaVoice. She has been such a wonderful lady to get to know. If you want to stop by and send your wishes I know she'd be so happy.

LaVoice has been like a grandmother to me. I never really got to know my grandparents so it's been such a lovely treat getting to know her through her blog. And as soon as my wedding/engagement picture arrive(ordered them yesterday), I will show you the lovely picture frame she gave us as a wedding present. It goes so wonderfully with our living room.

Happy Birthday dear LaVoice! May you have many more years filled with love and sunshine! You deserve only the best!

Life as Mrs. LW

2011-08-05T12:34:00.002-04:00

Since we've returned from our honeymoon we have been extremly busy. We've had gifts to put away, thank you cards to write, volleyball camp, basketball camp, visits with friends and family, birthdays, funerals, doctors visits and everything in between.

I love being a wife. More importantly, I love being LW's wife. I have fallen more in love with him than I ever dreamt would be possible. I miss him when he's not with me, but I do cherish the alone time, and often drift off wondering what he is doing or thinking.

I love being a step mom (or bonus mom as another blogger put it). I love knowing that my girls love me and do need me in their life. And I love being there for them. I love hugging them, telling them I love them and that I am proud of them, I love talking to them, I love spending time with them.....I just love having them in my life.

More recently we had a situation where I had to be there for Kassidy because LW was out of town in Arizona on business. He asked me if I could pick up Kassidy from volleyball practice and be there when they announced who made the cut to be on the team. I'm sad to report that our little spitfire did not make the team. As she was told she didn't make the team her beautiful hazel eyes looked over at me with saddness. My stomach cringed. I needed LW to be here so we could hug our daughter and remind her that we are still so very proud of her. As she walked over to me she collapsed into my arms. I told her I loved her and I was so very proud of the effort she put forth. Not a lot of comfort I know, but at least she knows how I feel.

It was hard to be there for Kassidy without LW but I was honored that LW had confidence in me that I would do the right thing had Kassidy gotten the bad news. It wasn't easy for him to listen to his baby crying on the phone. She sobbed like I have never seen her sob before. My heart hurt for her and I wanted in an instant to make it better for her. Feeling that way reminded me, step or biological, I am Kassidy's (and Lauren's) mom. Just in a different way.

I finally absolutely without a doubt....love my life...to it's fullest. I can't wait to see what's ahead!

Professional Wedding Pictures

2011-07-22T10:45:00.004-04:00

I'm beyond thrilled with our amazing photographer. He captured the true spirit of our wedding day and I couldn't be happier. There was so much love and happiness on that day. It's wonderful to see our love and happiness shine through in our photos.

Below is a sneak peek at some of our photos. We don't have them back yet, but these are the few that I was able to snag from his FB.

All photos were taken by Jeffrey Horvath Photography.

I don't know how he made this picture so cool. He took this picture of our flowers while they were sitting on the desk in the hotel room!

I love this cute picture of us kissing right before we were to get into the limo and head to the ceremony.

One of my favorite pictures of us!

The new Mr. and Mrs. LW.

Us girls with our varying colored dresses and shoes.

This was taken right as I had seen LW for the first time.

I love this picture of both of our families and bridal party.

This was so fun to take! We are throwing skittles (my favorite candy) in the air!

My new daughters.

Priceless.

My first married post!

2011-07-05T12:30:00.005-04:00

I am officialy Mrs. LW. Life is perfect.

The wedding was amazing. There were tears shed, memories made and in the end, a family was joined together as one. It was a perfect day; minus the thunderstorm of course.

All day it rained. And when I say rain, there was more rain than the entire state of Rhode Island. That rain was accompanied by thunder and lightening....insert....there goes the outdoor wedding and outdoor pictures. But a mere forty minutes before I was due to walk down the aisle, the clouds parted ways and the sun came out. Fortunately we were able to have some professional pictures taken outside (I had a back up plan for inside a hotel, so I know we got some great shots!) and I was able to have the outdoor wedding I had spent a year dreaming about.

I cried when I listened to LW read his vows and I cried when I read mine. It was emotional, and beautiful and everything I wanted it to be. It was perfect.

I do not have the professional pictures just yet but I'll leave you below with some pictures that friends had taken of us.

Thank you for all of your kind words over the last year. It's been such an amazing journey. I can't believe the planning phase is over and that we are now able to build a strong foundation of marriage and show the girls what it truly means to be a family. I look forward to growing old with LW and watching our daughters become mothers some day. My life really feels like it is just beginning. And I cannot wait!

Signing Off

2011-06-15T11:58:00.003-04:00

Well this is my last official post before becoming Mrs. LW. It's been quite a journey for us.

I have written my own vows, though not as beautiful as perhaps others have written, but none the less they mean something to me. I think I may need to tweak them a bit, but we'll see. I'm always so picky when it comes to stuff like that!

I'll be gone for a good bit of time, so I'm not sure how much blogging or blog reading I'll be able to do. My Dad flies in tonight from Las Vegas and will be spending a few days with me before heading to my brother's while I'm away on a honeymoon. After the honeymoon he'll come back and spend some time with me.

I'll try my best to pop over and say hello to everyone, but if I don't, please have a very nice few weeks!

Looking forward to catching up when I return!

Surprise Package

2011-06-13T08:46:00.003-04:00

Saturday afternoon I arrived home to a sweet little surprise on my doorstep. Of course I was giddy with excitement because what girl doesn't want to open presents? As I started to tear away the tape I realized that the gift was from a very special person in my life. I peeled away the tissue paper and made my way to the treasure inside. And as I got closer to the precious gift, I teared up. I thought about how special this gift really is and what it truly means to me. It's not about the cost of the gift. It's about the special person I will think of every time I see it.

A fellow blogger, Lavoice, who is very much like a Grandmother to me, sent LW and I the most beautiful glass picture frame as a wedding present. I'm not sure if she knows this or not, but the picture frame is in the colors of our living room.

As I stood in my kitchen with the picture frame craddled in my hands, I thought about how wonderful the power of the Internet truly is. It brings people together, who might not have ever happened upon each other.

I'm so grateful to have Lavoice in my life. I will treasure her always. I only hope that one day our paths will meet in person.

I promise to shares photos of the frame as soon as I can. If you know me, you know that I'm a little slow with posting pictures!

Thank you Lavoice for your contiuned love and support. You are truly an angel to me. I will treasure you always!

Single Digits!

2011-06-09T12:04:00.001-04:00

I am down to 9 days until the wedding on June 18th.

That's all. :-)

Counting Down

2011-06-08T12:31:00.002-04:00

So sorry to have not been around much lately. I keep trying to get here to post and to read blogs, but I'm just 'that' busy.

Since my last post:

I had a birthday.

I had my final dress fitting.

I met one last time with my florist.

I have been working on my lollipop creation for escort cards.

I have painted picture frames to be placed on the mantel in the reception area.

I finalized all of the important music for the reception.

I approved the program layout.

I finalized the cake.

I had a hair trial which ended up in me finding an alternate solution for my hair.

I had the air conditioner in my house break which resulted in it getting above 89 degrees in my house for two days.

And.....realized my crinoline under my dress isn't going to work because apparently I have too much back fat.

There you have it.

As you can tell I've been super busy so I apologize in advance if I haven't gotten to your blog. I do intend to try to. Sometimes I read and don't post, but know I'm thinking of you!

Engagement Photos

2011-05-29T22:00:00.002-04:00

We were finally able to have our engagement photos taken. We had some done in October and it was cold and rainy and I hated how they turned out, so about a month ago we met with our photographer and he did a re-do for us. I can't tell you how pleased we are with the results. Looking at these photos makes me fall in love with LW all over again. He's my soulmate; the love of my life.

Below are some of my favorite shots.

Ack

2011-05-25T12:15:00.003-04:00

I'm here! I have 24 more days to go!

I've been trying for a week now to upload my engagement pictures but for some reason they are not loading. I'll try again once the photographer sends the CD.

All is well.

Just super busy!

33 Days

2011-05-16T10:38:00.002-04:00

I have that many days until I walk down the aisle to say "I Do". My coworkers have encouraged me to write the number of days 'left' on the whiteboard in my office. And every morning a coworker comes to my desk to see how many days I have left. God love her.

We are pretty much set. Just tying up some loose ends and making final payments.

What I can't wait for the most is the time I will have with my Dad and alone with LW. I'm looking forward to the honeymoon and I'm looking forward to having my Dad here with me and my brother. My brother or his children haven't seen my Dad since 2006. Looking forward to some family time.

I actually have June 16th through July 5th off from work. :-) Jealous? :-) That's the longest I've taken off of work, without counting surgery, because we all know that having surgery to get out of work is NO fun.

But who's counting, right?

Mother's Day

2011-05-10T11:51:00.002-04:00

It was an especially hard day for me for several reasons.

I tried really hard to have a great day. I woke up feeling good. Feeling like it was going to be a beautiful day. The sun was shining, I could hear the birds chirping, so I sat at the table, alone and had breakfast. Lauren was staying the night elsewhere, LW was still in bed from a long night out with the guys, and Kassidy...well she sat on the couch avoiding me. When I would talk to her she wouldn't really respond, so I left her alone. As I was sitting there eating alone I thought about all of the Mom's out there who were waking up to their children making them breakfast in bed. How glorious would that be if someone cared enough about me to make me feel like a queen for a day.

As I sat there I scrolled through my Facebook and saw where Kassidy had been posting Mother's Day wishes to her friends Mom's...saying how much she loved them and appreciated them being in her life. My heart sank. There I sit...alone, while Kassidy is in the other room sending messages to her friend's Moms, feeling like I'm the most unappreciated person in the world.

How should one feel? I try my best to provide her with love and support. And in turn at the very least, I would hope she could look at me on this most important day and say "Thanks for being a good Mother figure to me." But nope. I got the cold shoulder.

So I cried as I walked upstairs (by this time LW was up and hasn't even acknowledged me), crawled back into bed and wondered why I try so hard to give these girls everything when clearly it doesn't seem appreciated. Yes I know they have Mothers, but is it so hard to say thank you to me? I don't need a gift or a card. Just saying thank you would have worked.

All day I laid in bed or on the couch while LW and the girls were off to their Mother's Day celebration at their Grandmother's. It was a very lonely, sad day. I missed my Mom. I hated the fact that I had to face intertility practically alone. I was angry that the girls (mostly Kassidy) don't think of me the way I think of them. I feel like I give and give and give, and they all take, but clearly no one is giving to me. My spirit was crushed.

I do hope that every one of you had a wonderful day spent with family and friends. In Ohio it was a glorious sun shiney day. The first day in awhile where we hadn't seen rain all day.

One month, two weeks and six days

2011-04-29T11:51:00.002-04:00

until I'm Mrs. LW.

May 5th is the anniversary of our engagement so just incase I do not get a chance to blog, here is a picture from that very day.

I still get goosebumps when I think about that evening and how much it meant to both of us to be surrounded by friends.

I still get goosebumps when I see him for the first time after a long day at work.

And I still get goosebumps when he kisses me.

Candy, glorious candy!

2011-04-26T12:11:00.003-04:00

These little beauties, all 140 of them, arrived on my door step on Friday:

Can you just say, heaven?

I've honestly never tried one before, but I can't wait to sink my little chompers into one. However, these little bad boys are for the wedding.

I will be trying to replicate this:

I can't wait to share with you how they turn out. I am slowly starting to get them put together. At first I was going to have a kind of lime green bow, but now I am changing my mind and leaning more towards the pink. Since our invites are pink and orange.

Stay tuned on how they turn out. I can't wait!

Two Month Mark

2011-04-18T11:41:00.002-04:00

Folks we are officially two months away from me getting married. :-) It's amazingly scary! There is so much excitement and love this time around. The girls are happy, I'm happy, LW is happy....we are all just anxious for the day to arrive. And for the first time...I'm really nervous.

I wrapped up some last minute decisions last night and I couldn't be more thrilled. The lollipops for the favors/place cards have been ordered and the hotel for the night before and the night of the wedding has been booked.

And in big news...the invites hit the mail box Friday afternoon!!! Many of our friends have already received their invites. We must have super quick mail delivery in Ohio! I'll try to capture a good picture of our invites to share with everyone. My friend Julie M made them and she did an AMAZING job. I couldn't be more thrilled with how they turned out. I'm receiving countless comments on them.

There is only one last detail to wrap up and that is....my wedding ring. I can't find anything at all. Truth be told though, I haven't looked in over a month. I do plan on getting back to the store in the next couple of weeks though. It's time I made a decision. :-)

Dress alterations should begin shortly....and then all will be well.

It's coming...faster than I could have ever imagined and I just.can't.wait.

Wedding Tidbits

2011-04-06T12:00:00.003-04:00

I have been getting lots of questions from bloggers on this and that pertaining to my wedding. In an effort to answer everyone I'll do a quick post and throw in a few questions and answers I think you may have. :-)

~ We are not telling anyone what song we are walking in to at the reception. We want it to be a surprise and be something that completely identifies with the people we are. We told the girls one thing, and will surprise them with another.

~ We are serving amish chicken, salad, bread, fresh veggies, meatless pasta and garlic potatoes.

~ It is an open bar. :-) Lord help us because some of our friends like to drink.

~ My dad is walking me down the aisle.

~ There will be some kind of rememberance of my Mom at the ceremony. Whether we write something up in the program or whatever, but we will do something. LW's father passed away in a terrible car accident when LW was 1 so we'll also be remembering him also.

~ Kassidy and Lauren will be walking back up the aisle with us after we are announced husband and wife. I want us to all be holding hands.

~ LW and I will be seeing each other before the wedding. We will most likely see each other for the first time at the hotel the girls and I will be staying at the night before.

~ The girls and I are staying at a hotel the night before and LW will be staying at the house. A limo will pick him up and bring him to me at the hotel, where we will meet for the first time. The limo will then take us to the park where we had our first official date for our bridal party pictures.

~ My something old will be my Mother's wedding ring from my Dad.

~ My something blue will be an old garter that was my Mother's. She wore it on her wedding day to my Dad.

~ My something new will be the earrings that LW is going to buy me as a wedding present.

~ My something borrowed.....well I don't have that one yet. I'd like to borrow something special from someone, but I don't know what? Ideas?

~ I will without a doubt cry when I see LW for the first time. I cannot even begin to tell you how deep my love for him is. I feel this special connection. And to this day, I STILL get butterflies when I see him at glance at me.

~ I am changing my last name, even though I really and truly do not want to. The girls really want me to so I have said that I would.

~ The table names at our reception are going to be some of LW's favorite basketball teams.

~ Our favors and place cards are going to be Whirly Pops (big lollipops). They are going to look like flowers coming out of some fake grass.

I think that's about all I can think of at the moment!

I can't wait to see it all come together. It's starting to become all so real!

Matron of Honor

2011-04-04T08:15:00.004-04:00

I finally have a picture of my Matron of Honor's dress. It's such a beautiful shade of pink and will look totally amazing on her.

I can't wait to see all four of us together with our bright, fun colors.

On a side note, our wedding invites have arrived so I spent some time this weekend working on them. In a couple of weeks they will be going out in the mail. It's hard to believe that as of today I am 11 weeks away from being Mrs. LW.

The last major item to purchase is my wedding ring. I just can't decide what I want. I'm hoping in the next couple of weeks I'll be able to find something!

A difficult moment.

2011-04-01T12:17:00.002-04:00

They say with time the past becomes easier.

What I can say is you never forget, if even for a brief moment you are reminded of a loved ones passing.

Last week my beautifully talented niece played a part in her school musical. One of my proudest moments as an Aunt because I too loved to be on the stage in front of everyone showcasing my talents.

It is always a trek to my brother's house. He lives an hour away and while that's not far, it's a boring drive. It is however one of the many things I enjoyed doing with my Mother. I always picked her up for my niece's and nephew's school functions. We would talk until we couldn't talk any more and just laugh like no one was listening. We had some of the best conversations in our hour drive.

Sunday rolled around and as I was showering I had an instinct to call my Mom and ask her if she would like to ride with me to Kendra's musical since LW had basketball that day.

After three years, I STILL feel the urge to pick up the phone and call her.

I thought that would go away.

All it does is make you sad, and remind of you of things your loved ones are missing out on.

It hurt.

And if only for a moment, I could hear her voice say "I'll be in the lobby waiting on you."

I can still see her sitting out front of her assisted living community, on a warm summer day, dressed in her mismatched clothing, with her glasses changing colors with sun, smiling and telling everyone that her daughter is coming to pick her up for this or that. And as I would get out of the car to help her into it, her friends would say "I've heard this or that about you."

So as I made that drive to my brother's....alone...with the sun shining in my face, I could see a glimpse of her sitting in my passenger seat (I still have the same car), smiling at me, telling me about all of her latest adventures, I am reminded, just how much I truly miss her face...her voice...her laugh...her cry....her hugs.

For today will never be the same without her.

But there's always tomorrow.

Lauren's dress is in!

2011-03-28T11:54:00.002-04:00

I'm so excited that all of our dresses are finally in. SHEW I was beginning to think that Lauren's would never come in. We ordered her dress a week before Kassidy's and Kassidy's dress came in easily a month ago.

Lauren is going to look so beautiful in her dress.

Oh a scary note, I ended up needing to order Kassidy's shoes for the wedding and because I had to do so, her shoes will not be in until May 15th! I'm grateful I ordered them when I did because we could have seriously been cutting this a little close.

Next up is finding rehersal dinner clothes for all of us. :-)

Less than 3 months away.

That's crazy talk!

Tuxedos

2011-03-24T11:49:00.006-04:00

Over the weekend I finally convinced LW that he needed to go pick out his tux. He has been stalling for quite some time. Not sure what his delay was other than...."well what happens if I lose weight". People...he's skinny to begin with. He doesn't need to lose weight. But he has this freakish feeling that he may drop another 10/15 pounds before the wedding. I calmly told him...if that happens, we'll go back in and have you measured. No big deal.

With that said we were on our way.

He struggled with what to get. Two buttons? Three bottoms? BLAH BLAH BLAH So many choices! He appeared to be overwhelemed.

Finally he settled on this tux....with a cream shirt.

However when it came to picking out the vest and tie (no bow tie) colors, I got free regin. He seems a little disappointed in my color choices, but hey...it's a bright, fun wedding!

LW will be wearing this color vest and tie to match my dress:

The best man will be wearing this color vest and tie to match the matron of honor's dress:

I wanted my dad to match Lauren's dress (purple) but I couldn't find a different patterned vest and tie. I wanted all of them to be in a different vest and tie. In order to do that, I had to put my dad in a vest and tie that matched the color of Kassidy's dress:

It's hard to tell from the pictures, but all three vests have a different pattern. The fabric is the same exact match to the bridal store where I purchased my dress. Apparently they are 'linked in' together.

I'm so excited to see how it all turns out.

It finally feels like everything is pulling together nicely. And for that I couldn't be happier!

Next up..... booking the limo!

Ceremony and Reception Site

2011-03-17T11:48:00.004-04:00

I finally have pictures of the location of our ceremony and wedding site. A couple of weeks back we met with the event planner and while we were there I was able to snap some pictures.

The first picture is of our ceremony site. Pending any rain, we will be married outside. On either side of the cement aisle will be beautiful white chairs. In the center of the arbor will be a small round table drapped in orange fabric with a large spray of tropical flowers. We'll also have our sand ceremony kit at the alter as well. The steel drum will be playing off to the side (not part of the picture) and of course the trees will be in full bloom.

For the reception we will have white chairs with white table clothes (as shown) but we'll have colored napkins (lime green, pink, orange and purple) and the centerpieces for the table will be tropical flowers. The far left corner will be the cake which will sit on a round table with an orange overlay. To the center is the dance floor and to the right will be the DJ. The bar is off to the left behind me when I took the picture as well is the entrance.

So far it's all coming together nicely. This weekend LW is picking out his tux so I can't wait to share that with you.

It's funny how my blog is turning out to be all about the wedding. After the wedding, I wonder what I will blog about!?!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Wedding Ring

2011-03-11T12:29:00.004-05:00

Recently I had ordered LW's wedding ring online. Never in a million years would I think to order a ring online, but I had a couple of friends who had done so, so I thought we would try it out, since LW is not too picky about what he wants.

We went with a titanium ring 7mm ring with a small round diamond in the center. I couldn't be more thrilled with how it turned out.

My only complaint is, we tried on various titanium rings at the jewelry store and of course we used the sizers that the ring company sent us. When the ring arrived it wasn't quite as snug as we would have hoped it would have been. We talked about sending it back, but LW was worried about if he gains weight when he gets older what would happen since they can't resize the ring (guess he's sentimental like that). So we opted to order these rubber ring sizers that fit inside the ring. Pretty snazy.

When I asked him what he thought, he said he loved the ring but that it felt 'weird' having something on that finger (or his fingers in general). The man is 45 years old...never been married, never worn jewelry, won't wear a watch, so I suppose it will feel weird. But a good weird as he said.

I love that man.

Help!

2011-02-28T12:18:00.002-05:00

If you know of anyone who designs cute blogs send them my way...or if you know of a place to get a cute free blog layout, I'd like to know that too.

My blog is drab and boring and I need bright and cheerful and fun. :-)

Something more...me like.

Thank you everyone!

Happy 12th Birthday Kassidy

2011-02-21T12:13:00.006-05:00

The baby of the house turns 12 today!!

I remember LW bringing her to dinner one night so I could meet her for the first time. She was 9 years old. Such a tiny little thing. She was so quiet and so scared. She was checking me out though. You know that look that says "I love my daddy so you better not steal him from me." I made sure though, to always include Kassidy and I have always made sure that the two of them have some alone time together.

And just this weekend, she begged daddy up and down to sleep with her. And no matter how much I wanted him to sleep with me (well that's a lie HA!), it's these times LW will never get back with her. So I encouraged him to sleep with her, if only until she fell asleep. He craddled her in his arms and off to sleep she went.

Here she is on her 10th birthday:

Here she is back in October:

She's just at 5 feet, which makes her almost taller than me! She wears a size 7 in women's shoes, so she's definately out grown me there.

My new saying this last year with the girls has been:

"I love you to the moon and back."

Apparently it's from a children's book. Who knew. I've always said it to LW, but I've just recently started saying it to the girls. It's my way of saying my love can not be measured.

She's a sweet, beautiful girl. While we do have work on her attitude; no one said raising children was easy, especially during those pre-teen years.

I hope Kassidy knows how very much we love her and how she is an important part of our family. I couldn't imagine not loving her.

Wedding Hair

2011-02-17T12:25:00.004-05:00

It has taken me forever to decide on what I am going to do with my hair for the wedding. For those that don't know me, I have short blonde hair. I love my hair, but for the most part I can only style it one of two ways, and none of those styles include putting any kind of 'hair accessory' in my hair.

I knew right off I didn't want a veil.

I knew whatever I was going to use had to have bling, but have NO color since my dress,shoes and flowers are so colorful.

I've tried headbands....hated them.

I've tried tiaras....hated them.

I've even tried clip on flowers from the bridal store....hated them.

Then low and behold my friend Liz, found a vendor on Etsy that sold these beautifully handmade bridal hair flowers. I was estatic! I ordered it the very day she showed it to me.

I was so happy when it came in this week.

But when I tried it on, I hated it.

ACK

So I thought....maybe it's just how my hair was styled that day that was causing me to dislike it so much. Funny thing is, I had a hair appointment last night for a weave and cut so I thought I'd take the flower along. Low and behold, she placed that flower in my hair and instantly I could see myself walking down the aisle with that little piece of bling in my hair.

I fell in love all over again.

My hair lady even sent me a message this morning letting me know she had found the perfect hairstyle that would work perfectly with that flower.

All is well in the world again. :-)

Some things just hurt.

2011-02-15T11:57:00.002-05:00

I try not to complain and I really try hard to keep my woes to myself. But sometimes I just hurt. My heart has been heavy for some time now. I suppose I should go get help, but I'm too ashamed. I shouldn't be because I have asked for help before but for some reason right now, I just can't find the strength to ask for help. So I've been 'self medicating'. Not with medicine of course but with working out.

I've lost a total of 3.5 pounds since January. I am so beyond proud of myself. I'm arming myself with education from a dear friend's husband who is now my personal trainer. He's been training me since October, but I've sort of been a bad girl. Sure I've worked out when I'm not with him, but I wasn't exactly eating right. Now that I'm eating right the weight is coming off. And it feels fabulous and I look fabulous, but my heart still hurts. And to keep my heart from hurting I just workout and avoid people.

I suppose I should just spill what's going on, but it's another 'woe as me' story. Same old same old.

I want a baby.

I'm tired of hearing about my friends' children (not that I don't LOVE every stinking one of them to pieces), it just hurts. Like I get a stabbing, jealous sensation in my heart whenever I hear of something fabulous their child has done (which I'm equally as proud of). I just know that if I had a child of my own, they would be just as fabulous and do wonderful, exciting things. I want that joy of knowing that my child got straight A's on their report card, or that they were asked to the homecoming dance, or they made the basketball team, or they received first chair in band. I want that sense of pride that comes from watching your children achieve their goals.

While I love LW's girls to pieces, they just aren't what I would expect of my own children. I will support Kassidy and Lauren forever, and love them unconditionally, but neither child has drive or motivation. And both, have Mothers who support their unwillingness to push through and find their potential. Quite honestly, I'm exhausted from trying to help them; especially when they don't want it.

Lauren failed her first semester at college and is dating a boy who never graduated high school. She claims to want to do 'this and that', but never puts forth the effort to do so. It's all just a bunch of words.

Kassidy wants to be in volleyball, but doesn't want to commit to it. She'd rather stay home at her Mom's, in bed, on a Sat or Sun, and not commit to meeting new friends and hoaning her skills.

This kills me. I have so many hopes and dreams for them and because I'm not their Mother, and they don't see me as someone who can help them reach their goals, their dreams and potential go down the toliet.

I've tried encouraging them both but both ignore anything I have to say. I want so much for them it's unbelieveable how much my heart hurts from trying. It's like I want to curl up inside of myself and never talk to them again. And I regret a comment I made to LW last night saying "I wish they would have never came into my life." But it kills me. It is physically tearing us apart. I'm embarrassed by their lack of drive. And I'm embarrassed that LW hasn't tried harder to encourage them.

It's all just so overwhelming to me.

We talked more about adopting a baby. He's given me the go-ahead to research it, but I'm scared. Is it the right thing?

I've decided to take a 'break' from the girls. I will do what is necessary to meet their physical and emotional needs in the present, but leave everything else up to them. They have got to want something for themselves. I can't change their behaviours...as much as I have tried.

This is probably the most selfish post that I have ever written, but I need to just get it out. I love my family so much it hurts sometimes.

Wedding Fun

2011-02-14T12:13:00.006-05:00

My dress finally arrived about two weeks ago. I can't believe it took me this long to post about it!

As you'll be able to tell, I love orange. Since this was my third wedding (don't judge please - my first husband and I had a great relationship just a bad marriage - we were together 11 years and my second husband, well let's just say we never made it to the third year of marriage and if I ever see him while I'm in my car, I'll run his hiney over!) I wanted something less traditional and more fun.

As you can see by all of the orange in the dress and the shoes I have accomplished just that.

I just hope it looks as fabulous on me as it does on the hanger.

Kassidy's dress also came in. I'm not thrilled with the dress at all. The color I love, the style I hate. But I left it up to her since ultimately she is the one wearing the dress. She will look beautiful in it regardless.

Lauren's dress isn't due in until the middle of April. GASP Apparently the style she choose is super popular. I even ordered her dress the week before I ordered Kassidy's. Kassidy's dress came in in one week exactly! But Lauren's shoes are in. I love the color and I truly hope she can wear these shoes! The heel is super high.

I need to have my MOH send me a picture of her dress. I'd like to show everyone her color. Stay tuned!

I hope all of the colors look fabulous together. I know it's probably a bit much for some people but being that I wanted a non-traditional wedding, I don't mind. My goal for our wedding is to make it as fun and light as possible. I want to share our day with those we love the most and those that mean so much to us. Being with our girls is the best gift of all.

Things are finally starting to come together.

We've changed our honeymoon from St. Lucia to Antigua. I can't wait! I just put the deposit down last week. We'll be staying at the Sandals resort on Antigua.

AHHHHHH doesn't it look relaxing??

Kassidy's Dress

2011-02-04T10:29:00.004-05:00

I can't believe I haven't gotten around to posting Kassidy's dress for the wedding yet. Infact I'm such a slacker because the dress has already arrived!!! 11 weeks early!

I am really struggling with the dress choice that Kassidy picked. It's not my favorite but I really wanted her to love it since she's the one who has to wear it. Personally I wanted her in something a little more 'kid' like, but who am I kidding? She's almost 12 and acts like a 20 year old.

The dress she choose will be amazing on her though, as I don't think there is anything that child couldn't pull off with her slim figure.

Below is her dress....however her color is BRIGHT lime green.

This wedding is going to happen! I'm a little more than four months out...holy moly!

I still have

SO

MUCH

TO

DO!

I feel like I haven't had time to really sit and focus on the wedding since I've really been swamped at work. The time I have had to plan has been restricted but now that my project is 'live' at work, I'm hoping I can sit back and get things rolling. I do plan on ordering LW's ring today at lunch though.

I can't wait to share that with everyone as well. He's made a fine choice. Now if only we could find a ring for me! I'm very indecisive about what I want.

Guess I better get to cracking!

Lauren's Dress

2011-01-20T12:38:00.004-05:00

First of all, thank you to everyone for your encouraging and kind words on my last post. I'm so blessed that my readers care enough to 'help' me through some of my most difficult moments. So thank you again! I appreciated it more than you know.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On to more positive things......

Lauren and I went out dress shopping last Saturday and I have to say, she picked such a beautiful dress. She will make an amazingly, beautiful bridesmaid.

Here is her dress, however she'll be wearing a very bright purple color.

We had a great time giggling, shopping, and having lunch together. It was nice that we got to spend alone time together and really bond and talk about life, school, work, dad, family, us, me.....everything.

I haven't known her as long as I have known Kassidy, because Lauren lived with her Mom in Arizona, so quite honestly, we've only been around each other since March. We've had our struggles, but in the end they have made us stronger and more appreciative of each other.

Friday I'll be taking Miss Kassidy in to purchase her dress, so stay tuned for what her dress looks like. She has two to choose from, so I'm curious to see what she decides on. :-)

Tears

2011-01-13T15:29:00.004-05:00

I've been a little emotional lately.

More so over the top than I usually am. And it took until just a couple of days ago to figure out why....I'm almost hitting my year mark of never being able to have children. On 1/20 it will have been a year since my hysterectomy.

And it is still unfair.

It still makes me cry.

I'm still reminded I will never have someone call me Mommy.

There will be no one to say "can you fix this Mommy".

No one to say "that's my Mom".

And every day a little piece of me dies. And every day a lot of me finds life completely unfair. For I will grow old with LW and never understand what it feels like to have him hold my hand when our child is born or to hear him say "she looks just like you".

I'm blessed in other ways and I know this.

But being blessed doesn't mean for a tiny fraction of a moment that I can't feel sorry for some of the things that have happened in my life. That I can't waive a fist in the air and scream "this isn't fair". Because it's not fair. Nothing about it ever was fair. And for those that tell me it's fair are those that can look into their baby's eyes at night and see hope, love, happiness. I will never have that opportunity.

My babies all died. And while I never got to hold their tiny hands, or kiss their sweet little faces, each of them lived inside of me, if only for a brief period of time. Each gave me hope. And one by one they each vanished right along with my hopes and dreams for them.

I'm grateful to have Kassidy and Lauren in my life, but it's not the same. It doesn't mean that I don't love them with all that I have though. I would give them the moon if I could.

My life isn't as I expected it to be but it's beautiful in other ways. I love my girls and I love LW. And that DOES matter to me. It's the things I'm missing out on that hurt the most.

Somehow, someway I'll find the strength to move on as I always do but for now I'm going to quietly think about what could have been.

Wedding Questions

2011-01-13T08:13:00.005-05:00

Since I don't have any other fun news to report, I'll bore you with some wedding details. I've been asked many questions about the wedding details so I thought rather than respond to every request I'll post it here.....

Honeymoon - we are going to St. Lucia and will be staying at the Grande St. Lucian.
I can not tell you how badly I need this vacation. I'm beyond excited to go somewhere this amazing!

Date - we are getting married June 18th....Father's Day weekend.

Wedding Location - we are getting married outdoor under a beautiful arbor with a back drop of trees and a field of green grass not far from our home. The website does not have a picture of the arbor up yet as it is new. We were the second couple to book the arbor since it was built in August of last year.

Reception - will also be at the same place we are getting married, however it will be inside. 130 of our closest friends and family are invited. It's an italian style buffet.

Ceremony music - this I am most excited about as I just booked a steel drum! Yes a single steel drum, but it will be so beautiful!!

Flowers - our flowers are all tropical in nature....lots of oranges, yellows, purples and pinks. Not only is the flower shop doing the flowers for the ceremony but she is also doing them for the tables at the reception. I can't wait to see them!

Cake - is being done by someone I met on a local chat board. It is four tiers...one tier is lemon with lemon filling, another is chocolate with a chocolate raspberry filling, and the last two are yellow with a buttercream filling. All four tiers will have a different color ribbon the color of the wedding (lime green, orange, hot pink and purple).

Invites - are being made by a friend. They are turning out to be orange and pink with a black background. As soon as they are finished I will share. I've seen the prototype and love it! She is also making all of our table numbers, thank yous, etc.

Placecards/gift to guests - I have strugled with this, but we have opted for lollipops in the wedding colors. So we'll somehow attach the table number and the guest name to the lollipop. I can't wait to see how this turns out!

DJ - is a friend of the family and is free, so I can't wait. The song we are walking into is a secret as well as our first dance song. I'm trying to find a song for the girls to dance with their dad as a surprise to him.

Linens - our table clothes are white with napkins in the color of the wedding. Our cake table will be in orange though. :-)

Other than that, that's all I've got. I still have minor details to iron out, but the big stuff is done.

Stay tuned!

Tick Tock

2011-01-05T14:33:00.004-05:00

I am seriously 5 months and 13 days away from being married!!! I wish I could say it was all finalized.

I'm struggling finding ceremony music. People I have contacted just want way too much money. Sadly I may have to cave though. I can't get married to people whistling as I walk down the grassy aisle (we're getting married outside). I mean I guess I could but that's not how I roll! I once went to a wedding where that happened and it was so TACKY.

But I digress.

Other than ceremony music I have pretty much secured everything else!

I've made my final decisions on the linens.
Flowers have been choosen.
Cake has been decided upon.
Invites are being made.
Dress is on order.
Photographer booked.
DJ is supposidly secured. Must check with LW on this as this was his only task!
Honeymoon is picked out...will be placing deposit down this week.

LW needs his tux and the girls need their dresses and we all need shoes, but the HUGE items are almost taken care of.

Now I'm hoping it all comes together nicely.

For a refresh...here is my dress......where it shows tan, I will have BRIGHT ORANGE! And of course I will not have a train.

Here is my MOH's dress....however her's will be in a bright pink color!

Lauren and Kassidy still have to pick their colors though. Kass wants to be in lime green and Lauren will be in a royal purple. We go at the end of this month to order theirs. With Kassidy growing so much I didn't want to chance ordering it too soon!

But soon it will all be over and I keep thinking what do I have to look forward to next? It's not like I'm going to have children.

So once the wedding is done I'm going to have to find something else to focus on...Kassidy isn't with us full time so I don't get to be a full time Mom. Lauren doesn't really need me because she's far too grown up. LW is always busy with basketball. So I guess now is my time to find something for me.

When I got divorced before I had to learn to live on my own again. So that took time. Then my Mom died so I spent a lot of time taking care of her prior to losing her. Then I started dating again. Then I had to learn how to be a Mom to someone else's children. Then I had to cope with knowing I could never have kids. Then I had a wedding to plan. And then...I will have to find something else to focus on.

Maybe it's time I take a class I've always wanted to take or craft more or work out more or find a hobby that consumes me when the family isn't around.

But I guess for now, I'll focus on making this wedding beautiful and making this time with the girls special. As for once we can all hopefully be...THAT happy family.

Three Years Ago

2010-12-28T08:34:00.004-05:00

Three years ago today I lost my Mother to lung cancer.

The saddest day of my life.

It's not been easy at all, but somehow, someway you learn to cope with the loss. And through tragedy I found love, hope and peace with LW. Six months after I lost my Mom, LW walked into my life and never once looked back. For he too can relate....he lost his Father, in a terrible car accident, 44 years earlier. While he never got to know his Father (he was 1 when he passed), there's nothing like an empty space in your heart.

I'm not going to be sad today. I know my Mom would not want that. I will quietly remember her and be grateful for the time I did have with her.

I know she knows...I'm gonna be alright.

2010 In Review

2010-12-27T11:22:00.005-05:00

I have to say, it's been one very crazy trying year....emotionally and physically.

Having my hysterectomy in January was the most difficult decision I have ever made. There's nothing that can or ever will take away the pain of not being able to have children. I'm grateful to be pain free in my abdomen area, but there's nothing worse than an eternal broken heart. I know my friends and family probably think I'm okay with not being a mother, but I'm not. Most days I fake it, some days I ask myself why me, but I will never second guess my decision to be pain free. I haven't felt this good physically in years! I guess I just didn't know what a true broken heart felt like.

But I'll be okay. In the new year I'm going to focus less on what I don't have and look to what I do have. Be grateful for having a loving man and two beautiful step daughters, who hopefully appreciate all that I do for them.

Once I was settled and physically healed from surgery, which seemed to take forever, I was on the road to happier times.

LW and I got engaged in May, which was a total suprise! I mean I knew he would eventually ask me, just not in the manner in which he asked and just not at the time he asked me. He caught me completely off guard. I love that about him. He's always surprising me with his love. I can honestly say, I've fallen deeper in love with him this year. Yes we had a difficult summer with his oldest daughter moving home, but we pulled through and came out pretty strong in the end.

Lauren moving home was hard, but we managed and are coasting along just fine now. It was hard for me to adjust to another woman in my house...let alone, someone I would eventually be a step mother too. We don't see too much of her now as she's busy with her life and I know it saddens LW. We need to make a better effort in the coming year to create family time. We can't expect her to want to spend time with us, if we don't try to do the same.

All in all it was a trying year...filled with happy times and sad times, but as the year wraps up, we came out a much stronger family. Our love for each other will pull us through the challenges ahead. I have much to look forward to next year....a wedding, a honeymoon, our first family vacation with Lauren, Lauren moving to her own place...we have loads to be grateful for. I need to get better at reminding myself of that!

Here's hoping each of you have a blessed New Year!

Blue Monday

2010-12-20T10:01:00.004-05:00

This post is in honor of my blogging friend LaVoice, who every Monday hosts "Blue Monday". LV is such a wonderful, caring, compasionate lady. She's over 80 years old and amazes me every day with her blogging and camera skills. I couldn't love her anymore if she were my very own grandmother. Such a treat to know her....even if it is only through blog land.

Friday I came home from work and in my mailbox was this beautiful ornament LV had gotten for me.

I must say it brought tears to my eyes, as it was the most thoughtful, spontaneous gift I have ever received from someone I have not met in person. It honestly reminded me of something my Mom would do for a stranger. My Mom was always the giving type, even when she had nothing to give.

So thank you LaVoice. From the bottom of my heart. I will treasure it always just as I treasure you!

And here is the ornament proudly displayed on my Christmas tree.

Merry Christmas!

The Wedding Dress

2010-12-17T12:10:00.007-05:00

I couldn't wait to show you all my dress so I will show you the picture of the dress from the bridal website.

My dress, however, will NOT have a train and where you see 'tan' on the dress, I will have orange. :-) I'm a lover of all things orange.

I ordered it the week of Thanksgiving so it will take another two months for it to come in. It was a special order.

And here is my Matron of Honor's dress. She will look so beautiful in it. Her dress has already arrived and is home safe and sound with her. She will be wearing a watermelon color (not pictured). which is actually a hot pink color.

We have yet to order the dresses for the girls. Kassidy picked a new color (lime green) that will not be available until January so we had to post pone ordering her dress. And since we posted poned Kassidy's we post poned Lauren's because she wanted to see what new strapless styles are being released in January as well. She has picked a royal purple color.

I'm so excited to see how all of the colors are going to flow together. It's going to be a very bright summer wedding!

Let the planning begin!

LW will be wearing an orange tie to match me and the best man will be wearing watermelon to match the matron of honor.

Happy Holidays

2010-12-17T11:12:00.005-05:00

It's been awhile since I have last posted. Sorry about that.

Life has just gotten in the way! I'm busier (in a good way) then I ever dreamed possible. There's not been much time for lounging....and when that time comes, I'm usually fast asleep as I'm tired as all get out.

I've been working out on a regular basis. I've lost inches, not weight, but I've gained some pretty good muscles. I will rock that strapless wedding dress (I'll post pictures when the dress comes in - takes about three months and I ordered it at Thanksgiving). My arms are thinner, my thighs are thinner, my waist is smaller and my endurance is longer. I'm getting the shape back I had when I was 30. I know it was only 7 and a half years ago, but I seriously did let myself go for awhile there. I think I sank into this deep depression when I got divorced and my Mom died. I'll never fully admit that, but I was a different person then. But now I'm happy, healthy and living life.

The anniversary of my Mom's passing will be here before I know it. December 29th will mark three years I've been without her smile, guidance, and love. Some days are harder than others. There's no lying about that. It's hard when your parents die. A little piece of you goes with them. We've placed a wreath on her grave every year she has been gone and this year all four of us (my siblings) are placing special pine cones on her wreath on Christmas Eve. It's kind of a neat way to keep her in hearts this holiday season. Christmas was my Mom's favorite holiday.

Christmas will be a busy one for us! With two kids home, I hope I can make this a holiday they will never forget. I can't wait to see their faces Christmas morning as they walk down the stairs to see their pile of gifts. And more importantly, I can't wait to see, what is now my family, sitting together, in the livingroom, with the fire going, opening up presents and laughing and crying. Watching LW with his girls will be the best part. He hasn't spent Christmas with the two of them together in about 4 years, so this year will be extra special for him.

I'll leave you with the photos we had taken of the girls in October. Some were Christmas presents, some were placed in our Christmas cards.

If I don't return this week to blog land, I hope each of you have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I'll do my best to get to each and everyone of your blogs to wish you a Happy Holiday season.

I'm here!

2010-11-09T21:19:00.008-05:00

Things have been good, but busy at home.

Kassidy and Lauren are hanging in there.

LW is busy with basketball.

And me....work is kicking my tail. I've also signed up with a personal trainer a couple of days a week. I can honestly say it's made a difference in my attitude and how I feel about myself. I'm stronger physically, then I ever thought I was. I WILL look awesome in that wedding dress!

But as promised I said I would post pictures of some of our adventures over the summer.

LW and I went skydiving with friends. We had a fabulous time!

We had a graduation party in mid July for Lauren.

We headed to Georgia for LW's family reunion. While we were there we took the girls to the Georgia Aquarium. Such an amazing place!

I took Kassidy to a Justin Bieber concert with friends (and gave Lauren tickets to the Rascal Flatts concert to go with two other friends).

Kassidy played volleyball this fall. I'm so proud of her. She did such an amazing job and has improved greatly. I felt like a proud momma sitting in the stand. There's something so amazing about watching your children grow up and excel in their activities. I only wish she had more confidence in herself.

So as you can see, we've been busy. Now that the wedding planning is in full force I'll be sure to come back and post a picture of the dress, invites, Save The Dates, etc. I can't wait to share everything with you.

Until then....I hope everyone has a great week!

I'm here!

2010-10-19T12:01:00.003-04:00

Life sometimes just gets in the way! I've tried to keep up with blogging but it's been difficult!

Some things the family has been in to:

....Kassidy is finishing up volleyball. She's been amazing! I haven't missed one game and I have yelled and screamed for her and taken a gazillion pictures! What proud momma wouldn't??

....Lauren is doing well in college. She's been sick the last couple of days. Infact at one point or another the entire house has been sick!

....LW has been busy with officating volleyball and now that he is almost finished with that, he'll be off to officiating basketball. Love that I have a man who actually has hobbies!

Me, well I've been up to a lot:

....working on my holiday crafts

....signed up with a personal trainer. Working on day two tonight!

....socializing with friends

....went sky diving this summer

....planning a wedding

....planning an amazing honeymoon

....working off and on insane hours

....working out as much as I can

....trying to find an inexpensive family vacation for next year. The rule in our house is every year we have to get together as a family and do something. Doesn't have to be fancy, but we have to spend more than three days together having fun! I want to keep this rule for when the girls grow up and have their own families.

....attended an OSU game (no comments on that bad loss last week - ha)

....had a scavenger hunt for my friend's 30th birthday (now that was fun!)

....got a new computer at home. We went cheap, but it's working fine, so I couldn't be happier! Just working on rebuilding and restoring the stuff I lost.

....attended a graduation party for a friend who graduated with his masters degree

....had a few of LW's basketball official friends over for a cookout

....attended an autism speaks walk and after party

....took Lauren and Kassidy to have pictures done

I know I'm leaving a lot out! But now that I have my computer fixed at home, I'll try to get on this week and post our life in pictures from the summer!

And I will do my best to get to each of your blogs this week as well.

Happy Tuesday!

Some Things Just Happen

2010-09-28T12:09:00.003-04:00

It's no secret (well maybe it is to my blogging friends) that LW and I struggled over the summer. Most of it me, alot of it him. Just so you know I'm not pointing fingers here.

I won't lie. It was a rough summer, probably my worst on record. But in my defense I had a lot thrown at me within the first 6 months of the year.

- I had a complete hysterectomy at 36 years old.

- His oldest daughter came for a visit only a week after I returned to work from my surgery.

- His oldest daughter moved in with us in June.

- Kassidy moved in for the summer.

That's a lot to handle for a girl who always wanted to be a Mom but never could biologically. Lots of raw emotion was spent this year. And by summer's end, I was spent. I was dried up from all of the tears. I was exhausted. I needed a break.

The very day that Kassidy went back to home to her Mom's for the school year I had my melt down and asked LW and Lauren to leave for a few days. Technically I asked him to move out, but he did the smart thing and just packed a few things and left. Those three days, as hard as they were, were LIFE changing for our family.

LW and I were able to see how strong our bond of love for one another truly is. And I'm happy to say, I've never ever been this in love. My heart ached while he was away. I know without a doubt that he is my soulmate.

But what I didn't expect to grow, was my relationship with Lauren. About a week or so ago, we actually sat down and had a heart to heart. Something we needed, but were both too engrossed in our daily lives to take the step forward to do. But the opportunity presented itself and we took advantage. LW was away so it was Lauren and I, at the kitchen table, for two hours, talking, crying, getting it all out.

This summer caused us all to experience things we have never experienced before. It took each of us out of our comfort zones and taught us all a very valuable lesson. Love, if it truly exists, can get you through the toughest of times. And that is exactly why, today, we are a better family for those struggles. We never gave up and through it all continued to love one another.

It's not perfect, but it's better. Time spent with LW is now more precious than it was before. And time spent with Lauren is equally as special, for now, she knows, the lengths we can go as a family to make this work.

Our journey is not over. But I'm happy to say, it's one journey I'm finally ready to take and for that I am ever so grateful. God gave me a purpose with LW and his girls and that purpose is to bring them all together as a family.

One of the last things Lauren said to me that night was in regards to how, for the first time in her life that she can remember, she finally feels like a real family. And that right there makes this family worth fighting for.

We'll weather this storm....together.

Hanging in There

2010-09-22T11:58:00.002-04:00

Sorry it's been so long since my last post. Lots of things have been going on that have prevented me from being able to post and/or read blogs.

- I'm stuck in a conference room at work with about 9 people so I have no Internet time unless I try to get on at lunch (which I'm doing now).

- Kassidy started volleyball so our Saturday mornings have been hectic (that's a lot of the time when I would try to read blogs if I couldn't get to them during the week).

- Our laptop at home is acting weird, thus we can't connect to the Internet. Supposidly I need to reinstall IE and I just haven't had the time.

- We've all been sick. All four of us are fighting a cold. Lauren is better finally though.

But all is well.

Lauren starts college tomorrow! YAY She seems really excited about it. As far as I know Dad and her got everything set yesterday.

Kassidy is fantastic. Her volleyball team is 1-1.

LW is great. He's been really busy officiating volleyball and taking Kassidy to her volleyball practices (we all go to the games!).

I'm doing good. Work is kicking my tail. I need to take some vacation days before the year ends so I'm looking forward to some time off alone. I need I recoup day.

Hope all is well!

Still Here

2010-08-29T21:16:00.002-04:00

Wow I just realized it's been FOREVER since I last posted. Sorry for the delay. It's been beyond busy at home. Between work, studying for a certification for work and home, it's been one hectic summer.

Kassidy went home to her mom's for the school year last week.

Lauren is starting college in 20 days or so.

LW and I while, we suffered a really horrible rough patch, have learned to start to piece our life back together. It's not going to be easy, but I love him enough to work through our struggles and apparently he loves me enough to do the same.

I'd have to say it's been one of the worst summers on record. I'm definately looking forward to the fall and looking foward to college football, cold weather, and family time during the holidays.

I'll do my best to post a little more frequently. I hope everyone is doing well. I'm off to get caught up on my blog readings.

Peace love happiness!

Laughter

2010-08-10T21:40:00.004-04:00

So I've been a bit down lately. Things have been ubber stressful and since my surgery I'm having a hard time balacing things. I feel somewhat 'lost' in my thoughts...like I can never remember what I said, or what I promised. Therefore I'm struggling with balancing work, kids, cleaning the house, yard work, and so on.

So today, when the four of us got together to take LW to an early birthday dinner, I must say the laughter was good for me. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard I cried. And I can't remember the last time the four of us laughed so hard we couldn't talk without laughing.

After dinner we headed home to cut the cake the girls had made for LW. The laughter started as soon as I cut the cake. Lauren forgot to grease the bottom of the pan, so the cake stuck to the bottom. So there we all sat....giggeling hysterically. Then the next thing I know, Kassidy is telling us how she clogged the toliet in their bathroom. Mind you, it was 10 minutes later that she's telling us this. LW thought it best to have Lauren teach her how to plunge the toliet. So standing in the middle of the kitchen, demonstrating plunging a toliet, is Lauren. And we laughed and we laughed and we fell off of our chairs we laughed so hard.

Lauren then took Kassidy upstairs, unwillingly but LW said since she did such a good job demonstrating, that she could surely show Kassidy how to do it in real time. The sounds coming from the bathroom were hysterical "Kassidy you have to move the turd out of the way. Kassidy not like that, like this. Kassidy WHAT are you doing?" OMG LW and I started walking up the stairs to witness the mass confusion, but we couldn't make it up the stairs we were laughing so hard.

And all night we laughed.

Lauren eventually went out with friends and Kassidy and I went on a walk with LW, where LW proceeded to pull his shorts up to his chest and then down past his hiney (his shirt was covering everything so have no fear he wasn't flashing the neighbors) and we laughed some more.

We laughed so long and so hard that Kassidy, bless her heart, fell asleep in the middle of the floor in the den while I was on the computer.

The high light of my evening.....walking with Kassidy and having her grab my hand and LW's hand.

From that moment on we felt like the perfect family.

I love my life. Through all of our struggles (because let me tell you raising someone else's kid isn't easy) I feel LW's love. It's been a tough few months (heck a rough few days) for us for reasons I can't discuss. In one moment life can change. And when Kass grabbed my hand, all in the world was right...if only for a moment.

Pictures

2010-07-29T20:07:00.006-04:00

I've been so behind. Perhaps it's summer....perhaps it's that I now have a teenager and a pre-teen living in my house...of which I am FINALLY use to. Every day is a different, challenging day, but I'm no longer having crying, stressful fits. I'm learning to let go of the things I can't control.

To say our summer has been busy is an understatement. We've been doing so much it's hard to remember exactly what day of what month it is!

For the 4th of July we went with one of my BFF's to her parents house in DC for the holiday. It was fantastic. I felt like I was with my family and I honestly, with all my heart, adore my BFF and her family. Crystal and I met online a couple of years ago or so but didn't really get to know each other until probably last year. As she said the other day "you're my thick". And she means it. And I have to say, there is only one other person in this entire world who knows me as well as Crystal does. She's been my rock, my best friend and someone I adore with all of my heart. She is my "thick".

So here we are with her family for the holiday weekend.

Crystal is in the middle with her dad and mom to her right and her daughter and her sister to her left.

Of course LW and I are here with Kassidy. I think I'm trying to pull off a sexy pose here!

Crystal and her daughter Chaya and her husband Darren.

Crystal with her dad and husband.

Me and Crystal....aw

Of course no trip is complete to Washington without going to DC!

Also this summer we had Lauren's graduation party in Ohio. We picked a super hot day to have an outdoor party, but it was fun and the kids all seemed to really enjoy themselves.

Here is LW with his two sisters, his mother and Lauren.

Like father like daughter!

The two most beautiful step daughters a girl could ask for.

Thus far it's been a great summer.

Come back soon and I'll have pictures posted from my last adventure! And let me tell you....it's worth diving in to!

Foreign Language

2010-07-23T12:11:00.001-04:00

If you write in it, I can't understand it.

I won't translate it.

Therefore your words are lost on me....blog follower.

Behind

2010-07-21T12:45:00.003-04:00

It seems these days I can't keep up with blogging or even reading blogs. I'm at a busy spot at work, and with two kids at home, the last thing I want to do when I get home is sit in front of a computer all evening.

The kids are great.

Lauren got a job and started this week. She'll be working at the local mall in the Abercrombie and Fitch store. I can't wait to use her discount! She's on track to start college at the end of September. So all in all, Lauren is doing great living back in Ohio.

Kassidy has been so fun this summer. We've kept her busy with a week at Grandma's and this week she is at an over night camp. From what we can tell from the camp's website, Kassidy is having a blast and making new friends. We've been able to see pictures of her. Ah the technology!

Wedding planning is **trying** to come along. We thought we had a reception place nailed down, but then I happened upon two other locations that will need less work to decorate and cater than the original place, so we're setting up meetings to over over everything with the other locations. We have an email into the cake lady, a date set up to speak with the photographer, a DJ already booked and an appointment with the travel agent to discuss the honeymoon. So plans are progressing.

Work is insane. I'm the test lead for 9 people, and every last one of them are keeping me on my toes. I've worked late evenings, I've worked weekends, I've worked from home. I'm spent. But it's been good for me to be in this leadership role. And I'm blessed to have a job.

Yesterday marked 6 months since I've had my hysterectomy. I actually took some time to reflect on the changes that have occured. The bad: I'm ubber sensitive, I'm hot all of the time, I'm irratible a little more than normal, I have crazy headaches but the good: I'm PAIN FREE and it feels terrific. I'm doing things that may have held me back 6 months ago. I have more energy than before. I feel terrific! I still get a little down when I think about not having my own children, but having LW's girls home, has made me realize that I AM a mother. Even Lauren told me Sunday that I make a better mother than most Mom's she knows. She always reminds me that even though she's not mine, that she loves me and that I am still her mom. And every now and then when she calls me Momma D or calls me her parent, I get chills. It feels good to know that a Mother doesn't have to give birth to her children to know that she's a mother. And gosh darn it, I'm a mother and I'm good at it. And every day I will remind those girls how much they mean to me. And every day I will do what's best for them. And every single day they will know I am here for them for as long as humanly possible, for I am THEIR mother.

So life is good. Just busy!

Google Wednesday will be back I promise!

And the next time I post, I hope to post pictures from Lauren's graduation party we had in Ohio for her and our 4th of July pictures from our trip to D.C.

I'll be back my bloggin friends!

Google Wednesday

2010-07-07T16:33:00.005-04:00

So last week got away from me, therefore there was no Google Wednesday! So sorry to disappoint.

I didn't forget as much as I just got busy and haven't had the time these days. I've been busy balancing my new home life and working on a very large project at work.

But have no fear....I'm back this week!

This week I decided to Google.....

Lately I've been focusing on wedding cake designs. Since we're getting married in the month of June I figured we needed to get started on planning and booking places as the summer tends to fill up fast. I have an idea on the kind of cake I would like: four tier, round, purple, lime green, hot pink and bright orange ribbon at the base of each tier, and possibly some kind of design on the cake. I also would like a silver "W" for the top of the cake. The cake will sit on a bright orange table cloth with nothing else. Very basic. Clean.

At the end of July we actually meet with a baker to start taste testing our cake. I can't wait. I love that part of wedding planning! Nothing better than yummie cake.

I'm not sure what it is about wedding cake, but I could care less what kind of food we serve just so long as the wedding cake tastes amazing! There's something so deliriously tasty about wedding cake.

I can't wait to dive right on in.

Cards

2010-07-05T21:35:00.004-04:00

It's been awhile since I last posted some of the cards I have made. I've been successful thus far this year hand making all of my cards for friends and family for birthdays, anniversaries, etc. Most often too, I am getting the cards out on time! Now that takes planning!

Enjoy!!!!

Google Wednesday

2010-06-29T20:24:00.005-04:00

Today's post is in honor of the concert I attended this weekend with Kassidy, my BFF and her daughter and another friend of mine and her daughter.

Do you know him?

Justin Drew Bieber born March 1, 1994 is a Canadian pop-R&B singer. His performances on YouTube were seen by Scooter Braun, who later became his manager. Braun arranged for him to meet with Usher in Atlanta, Georgia, and Bieber was soon signed to Raymond Braun Media Group (RBMG), a joint venture between Braun and Usher, and then to a recording contract with Island Records offered by L.A. Reid.

His debut single, "One Time", was released worldwide during 2009, and charted within the top 30 in over ten countries. It was followed by his debut release, My World on November 17, 2009, which was certified platinum in the United States, which at the time gave Bieber the highest debut by a new artist in the year, and made Bieber the first artist to have seven songs from a debut album chart on the Billboard Hot 100. His first full studio release, My World 2.0 was released on March 23, 2010 and has since received similar success; debuting at number one and within the top ten of several countries and was certified platinum in less than two months of release in the United States. It was preceded by the international hit song, "Baby"

I should say the concert was okay. It wasn't over the top great, but it wasn't the worst concert I had ever been to. The highlight of the evening was looking over at Kassidy and the girls, watching them in awe as their idol danced around and struted his stuff (grabbing himself one too many times for my taste). For in that very moment I felt like a Mom would did something wonderfully giving for their child. And I can honestly say, it was all worth it to hear how giddy she was about the whole thing.

As of today she's still telling everyone about the concert.

Score.

While I don't think his music is the best, it isn't horrible either and I must say he has a few catchy songs. I did catch myself singing with him from time to time.

There were three opening acts, which was kind of strange. I've never been to a concert where that was the case before. The best and final opening act was Sean Kingston. I found myself singning and screaming more with and about him than I did with Justin Bieber. But again, I'm not a giddy, hormonal 11 year old.

I'm just me. And just me did a wonderful thing for a child who hopefully one day will appreciate the deepth of my love for her.

Happy Google Wednesday!

Swamped

2010-06-27T13:26:00.004-04:00

I'm emotionally and physically swamped these days.

Brief re-cap:

Lauren moved home. She's been great. She's trying to find a job but in the mean time she's watching Kassidy and a friend during the day while we're at work. She starts college in the fall and is even thinking of trying out for the basketball team. Love that girl.

Kassidy is at our house for the summer. It's been challenging because we all know how difficult the pre-teen years are, but I hope she knows we love her and are here for her.

Work has been crazy. In fact I'll be logging off of here in a minute to log into work. Lots of overtime in the next month...ugh. But I'm blessed to have a job, so I will not complain.

LW is great. Busy as well. He just got home from a camping trip with some friends, so I'm anxious to hear how it went. He's sleeping right now!

Wedding planning is coming along. I'll post all of the details as they start to be nailed down.

I'll do my best to get better at posting. My life has been about the kids lately and I'm so high strung that I can't keep it all organized very well!

I will say I took Kassidy to the Justin Bieber concert last night with some friends. The girls had a blast. The adults...well...we were there to support our girls love of this baggy pants wearing, kid who I thought was 12 but is really 16. HA

Have a great week everyone. Stop back in for Google Wednesday!

Google Wednesday

2010-06-22T12:45:00.006-04:00

This week I Googled....Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

Because seriously he cracks me up...like no other human being can make me laugh! I am completely and utterly obscessed with that TV show (The Big Bang Theory); although not to the point of how obscessed I am with Roseanne....not yet anyway. Heck I own the first four seasons of Roseanne. After that is when it started to go down hill, but I still loved the show anyway.

But I digress.

If you can believe it, Wikipedia even has information on the fictional TV character!!! Love.It.

Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper is a fictional character on the CBS television series The Big Bang Theory, portrayed by actor Jim Parsons.

A Caltech theoretical physicist, Sheldon is Leonard Hofstadter's (Johnny Galecki) roommate and colleague. They live across the hallway from Penny (Kaley Cuoco).

Sheldon is distinct for his overtly intellectual personality: he is calculating and cynical, he exhibits a strict adherence to routine, a lack of understanding of irony, sarcasm and humor, and a complete lack of humility; these characteristics are the main sources of his character's humor and the center of a number of episodes. He has been described as the show's breakout character.

Jim Parsons's character is named in honor of actor/producer Sheldon Leonard.

Every week I tune in just to see what new, zanny, brainy, wild, weird, t-shirt he'll have on. It's not like I find him attractive, though he does have this midly attractive, geeky aura about him...I just find him breath takingly funny. Like in an "OMG he's a nut" funny. In fact I even have LW watching the show....and that says a lot because he loves crime drama more than comedy. Score.

I'm sad it's off for the summer, although the re-runs still manage to keep me entertained....which isn't difficult to do with the summer line up that is typically on TV.

Seriously if you have not seen this show, now is your time to catch up before the fall line up begins in a few short months. Season Four here I come!

More Senior Pictures

2010-06-14T22:16:00.006-04:00

Here are a few more of Lauren's senior pictures I'd love to share with you. Remember they are unedited. I definately need to find a way to edit them so I can print more! They are all just so amazing. She's just absolutely beautiful.

Enjoy.

Google Wednesday

2010-06-14T21:49:00.005-04:00

Today I decided to Google the word IRREGARDLESS.

Irregardless is an informal term meaning regardless or irrespective, which has caused controversy since it first appeared in the early twentieth century. Most dictionaries list it as "incorrect" or "nonstandard".

I choose to Google this word because I am tired of people using this word when there really isn't a meaning to the word. Why can't people say regardless instead of irregardless??? Is it really that difficult? Who in the world would have thought that irregardless meant anything different than regardless?

So many questions.

I did find that the Merriam-Webster online dictionary says, at the very end of the definition of irregardless, to....Use regardless instead.

Go figure.

So which do you prefer to use?

Graduation - Senior Pictures

2010-06-08T12:15:00.014-04:00

Back in May we traveled to Surprise, Arizona to watch Lauren graduate from the Willow Canyon High School.

I've already blogged about it so I won't bore you with the details....I'll just share the pictures from her graduation with you. She was so beautiful and we couldn't be more proud of her.

Here Lauren is with her boyfriend Craig.

Here is Lauren with her little sister Kassidy.

Here is Lauren with her Mom and Dad (LW).

Here is Lauren with me, Kassidy and Dad. It was a windy day thus the reason for my messed up hair!

And here are a few of our favorite senior pictures she had taken while we were there. These are unedited as the studio does not put the edited, touched up, pictures on the CD. I need to figure out how to do that on my own! I need the right software for that.

I could devote a rather large post to her senior pictures because I honestly loved them all. I'll post some more a little later on, as I love sharing!

Enjoy.

Google Wednesday

2010-06-08T11:55:00.011-04:00

I'm starting a new series called Google Wednesday, because I swear it seems like I'm always Googling something every week!!!! So why not Google on Wednesdays? Hum.... Plus my blog could use a little humor. It was getting a little drab.

Today's Googled word/picture is.....

Tell me....how do you pronounce this niffy gadget??

I'll wait while you think.....

See I was watching the TV show "Till Death" the other day when this very question was asked, all because Joy (the character) said it wrong. However, I had to laugh because I too pronounced it just as she had!

I Googled it and sure enough it's pronounced WHEELBARROW not WheelBARREL. So what in the world is a BARROW?

The term "wheelbarrow" is made of two words: "wheel" and "barrow." "Barrow" is a derivation of the Old English "bearwe" which was a device used for carrying loads. Because the word "barrow" is not in common use in English today, many people incorrectly substitute the word "barrel" in place of "barrow" as this seems to make more sense (possibly because the cavity in a wheelbarrow resembles a half-barrel) even though it is not a correct etymology.

Who knew? I spent all of those years thinking it was barrel, never even once thinking it could possibly be anything different. Perhaps I have never even written the word down or seen it in print.

Tell me how many of you honestly knew...without peeking....that it was a wheelbarrow????

Spill it.

Running hates me!

2010-06-08T08:18:00.004-04:00

I bombed big time.

I was on this running high for the last two, maybe three months. I was doing okay. Not impressed with my time, but certainly it wasn’t anything to turn your nose up at. Then it came time to run 4 miles. My body shut down and said “Woah, what in THE heck are you doing?” My legs gave out and I just gave up.

So I stopped running.

For now anyway....

I’ll go back to running but honestly, with all of my heart, I don’t think I’ll do a half marathon this year. I’ll try to bust out a couple of 5ks, maybe even stretch it to a 10k, but I’m not pressing my luck.

My body hates running and my mind can’t find the enjoyment in it. I tried. I just failed big time. I wish I could explain what my body was thinking. Perhaps I was just frustrated that my feet hurt, or my legs couldn't go long enough. Or perhaps it was all mental....or just plain boring to me. At first I loved it. But then it got old. I suppose my attention span is not that great when it comes to my stamina.

So over the weekend I decided I needed a change with my body and my attitude. I went back to the gym and I feel amazing. I feel like THAT's what I have been missing. Running never gave me the high that I get when I walk out of the gym....sore, tired, sweaty...but incredibly fulfilled.

Perhaps things will change and I'll return to running once I've mastered my goal at the gym, but we'll see. For now I’ll focus more on the gym, less on running and see if I can find whatever it is my fitness brain is looking for.

It all remains to be seen!

My Birthday

2010-06-02T08:47:00.000-04:00

Today is my 37th birthday. It seems crazy to think that I even reached my mid-thirties! I remember thinking my Mom was old when she was in her thirties. And now look at me. I’m 37. I have a nice house. A great fiancée. Two beautiful to be step-daughters. Wonderful friends. A good job. Good health. All around, I have a pretty awesome life.

There are few things I can complain about that have happened in my life, because I honestly believe everything happens for a reason.

My only sadness today is that for the third year in a row I didn’t get to hear the sound of my Mom’s voice wishing me a Happy Birthday. She was always the first phone call I would receive on my birthday. And sometimes, if she was in a goofy mood, she’d sing to me. It’s those moments that you will never be able to erase from my memory. There are some things I will never ever forget.

So today, as I fear I’m no longer aging gracefully (HA), I sit back and remember the good things that have happened in my life. And that’s when I truly realize….I am blessed beyond words.

16 Years Ago

2010-05-28T08:12:00.003-04:00

Today would have been my 16th wedding anniversary to my first husband.

ACK yes I'm one of those who has been married twice, going on a third time...but I can explain!

My first husband was an amazing man. We had such a beautiful relationship. I met him when I was 17, still in high school. He had graduated a year or two before me. We had met through a mutual friend and hit it off instantly.

We knew we were meant to be together...through good times and bad. We dated a little over three years by the time we tied the knot in a small ceremony....the sun was shining and it was warm out.

As we grew older, we grew apart. We were better friends than lovers. And eventually, shortly after building our first house together, we filed for divorce.....11 years together....8 of them married.

To this day we are still friends. He attended my mom's funeral almost three years ago, and even visited her in the hospital two or three days before she died. We often exchange emails to catch up on our daily life. He's happily remarried, with no children. I'm in constant touch with his brother and his family through Facebook. While my ex and I have emailed through Facebook we have yet to 'friend' each other on there. I just think it would be too weird, so neither of us have attempted it.

I never hated him and I never will. He was one of the best things to happen to me in my life. I treasure the special time we had together and will always remember that he loved me and I loved him. One would think we could have fixed what was wrong, but for some reason, in our hearts, we did what was best for us...parted ways, happily, never regretting one moment of our time together.

Now if you ask me about my bastard second husband, I'll tell you...he was a drunk, alcoholic, who physically abused me when he was drinking....who had the best family ever, but that was not enough to keep me with him. We dated three months before we got engaged....we were engaged 13 months, and married 2 years and 11 months by the time the divorce was final. Worst three + years of my life. He had the best family though....giving, thoughtful, hopeful, amazing. I was most sad to lose the relationship with his family. I just hope I never ever have to see that man again. I cringe when I think about how I actually thought I loved him. Pretty sad actually.

But I digress.

Today is a happy day for me. A reminder that there are good, amazing people in this world. A reminder that no matter the struggles, I can make it through anything.

If you're out there BT....thank you for showing me the way.

I'm back.......

2010-05-26T12:19:00.002-04:00

Vacation was a nightmare....a complete and total nightmare.

I'll start with the good stuff though.

Our plane landed. The end.

Seriously it was that bad. Not because of the company we held, or the location, but because LW and I got food poisoning. M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E

Our plane landed on Friday morning so we pretty much rushed straight to the mall to meet Lauren so she could get her makeup done and then it was on to her senior picture shoot. We spent two very long hours getting her pictures done, but I have to say, they turned out AMAZING (I have seen the proofs already and I cried my eyes out they were so good.)! Once I get them back I will share them with all of you.

Saturday we had to go back into Glendale to complete the photo shoot for her out door session. It was suppose to happen on Friday but there was a mix up with the photographer, thus the reason I got a 25% discount on her pictures! Score one for me. Most of Saturday though we spent tooling around Tempe. Neat area.

Sunday Lauren took Kassidy to her house and they swam and played together all day. LW and I had the condo to ourselves for the entire morning and afternoon and we took advantage of it. That was the best day we had the entire trip. It was relaxing and peaceful and we weren't sick....yet. Sunday night I met Lauren's mom, who was very nice to me and is SO BEAUTIFUL (what was LW thinking hooking up with me?). We conversated for a bit and then LW and I took Kassidy to play putt-putt while Lauren hung out with her friends at her graduation party.

Monday had us driving to the Grand Canyon (3 hours each way). Long drive, beautiful scenery. I think the kids expected more, but as always, I enjoyed it. The weather was cooler than I expected so we were grossly under dressed. The high was something like 64/66 that day and here we were in shorts, tanks, tshirts....hot AZ weather kind of clothing.

Monday night LW made dinner for Kassidy and I while Lauren went home to rest up for her big day on Tuesday. This would be the reason we were sick....but don't tell LW!

Tuesday was rough. We took Kassidy to the pool while Lauren was getting ready for her graduation. After swimming LW went to lay down while I fed Kass lunch. I ate but I was feeling pretty bad...stomach was crampy and I was feeling a little sick. We all rested and then changed for Lauren's graduation. LW said he was OK but felt kind of sick. Kass felt great. Mind you we all THREE ate the same thing Monday night.

We arrived to Lauren's graduation and sat with Lauren's mom and family. Kass on one side of me, LW on the other, Lauren's Mom next to Kass. Then as quickly as we sat down LW looked at me with sheer panic on his face and said "I don't feel well." He started sweating so much his clothes were soaking wet....and then he passed out. Out cold at his daughter's graduation!!!!! He saw her walk in and then bam....he was out. I'm slapping his face trying to wake him up and it's not working. Finally Lauren's mom ran over to help me because she is a nurse and skilled with this kind of thing. We got him awake and the paramedics took him away. He didn't want to go to the hospital so he stayed in the First Aid station at the arena and watched Lauren walk across the stage to receive her diploma. He was hooked up to all kinds of contraptions though....monitoring his heart because at the time we thought he might be having heart trouble. Ended up his blood sugar was too low from not eating pretty much all day. So I fed him, blood sugar went up, but he was still sick. This whole time I'm trying not to throw up because I feel bad.

After graduation we took the kids to their graduation dinner (Kassidy, Lauren, her boyfriend and a friend), where shortly after taking a couple of bites of food, I started running to the bathroom where I threw up all over the place. Insane!

So that my friends was our trip. Oh wait. There's more!

See after all of that, and after spending a painful night shitting (TMI I know) ourselves to death we had to roll out of bed on Weds afternoon and drive three hours to see my dad in Nevada!

Yup.

Stupid.

By Weds I was throwing up, crying, saying I can't drive to see my dad. And LW is doubled over in pain saying he can't drive.

We sat there and had to think about how we were going to get to NV because I had to see my dad. See my dad is sick and I honestly don't know how many more days I'll get with him, so it was important for me to see him. So I drove while LW and Kassidy slept. It was the most miserable three hours I have ever spent in a car. I would sip Sprite and much on corners of crackers.

Sad stuff.

Pretty much Weds through Sat we took turns getting sick and taking care of Kassidy. We had to remember that no matter how bad we felt, we still had an 11 year old who needed to eat, and needed entertainment. She didn't know my dad so I didn't feel like I should send her to hang out with him. There were some moments however where we felt okay enough to get out.

I took Kassidy to Oatman, AZ one day to see the donkeys. And on Friday the entire family drove to Lake Havasu to see an old elementary friend of mine whom I hadn't seen since I was in the 4th grade (thank you Facebook!).

But other than that the remainder of the trip was a bust. No energy to really gamble, although I did and lost. No engery to walk through town to see the different casinos. No energy to do any hiking. No energy what so ever.

It was truly sad. My dad was understanding and honestly he took great care of us to the best of his ability.

I'm glad I gathered my composure to go see my dad though. He's doing poorly. He can't see and was moving so slow. I felt like I was watching him die...just as I had my mother. I know I don't have much longer with him....like maybe another year or two if I'm lucky...so I did the right thing, no matter how crappy (no pun intended!) I felt.

So that my friends is my ridiculous trip. I'll post pictures as soon as I can.

Toodels

2010-05-12T11:44:00.003-04:00

This is my last post for a week or so.

I'm outta here!

Friday morning at the crisp hour of 6:02am my plane leaves from Ohio headed to the sunny state of Arizona. In tow will be Kassidy and LW. The occasion you may ask? Lauren graduates high school!

I know I'll be one of those proud momma's sitting in the stand crying my eyes out. I've only personally met Lauren in March, but I've dated her daddy for over two years and as of last week, I'm engaged to her dad. Even before I met Lauren I knew I loved her. I had her pictures proudly displayed all through the house even beore I laid my eyes on her pretty smile. Soon she will be my daughter so rightfully so I'm allowed to shed those tears. I'll probably cry more when Kassidy graduates though, because I will have spent longer time watching Kassidy grow up into a young woman. Lauren has already grown into that beautiful young woman.

::wiping tears away::

While in AZ we plan to take the girls to the Grand Canyon, have a re-do session on Lauren's senior pictures, attend a BBQ in Lauren's honor, watch her graduate, and spend quality time as a family.

By the middle of next week, we plan to leave AZ and drive four hours to see my dad in Laughlin, NV. In Nevada we plan to pop over to Oatman, AZ to see the donkeys and visit Lake Havasu in AZ where I will connect with my elementary school BFF (thank you Facebook!). So I guess we aren't doing much in NV other than hanging out at the casino we are staying at: Don Lauglin's Riverside Resort. Believe me when I say this place is nothing like Vegas, but for my dad it's been his home for almost 19 years, so it's home for me too. I know my way around there with my eyes closed.

I'll do my best to get pictures loaded quickly upon my return. And I'll try hard to catch up on everyone's blogs. But in the mean time I hope everyone has a great weekend and week ahead...stay safe, stay warm and have fun.

::putting my sunglasses on, or if you're in Ohio today....my gloshes!::

Peace out friends!

Stressin'

2010-05-11T08:35:00.002-04:00

Wedding planning is ridiculous.

I see now why LW just wants to go away. And quite frankly that's what we're doing. I'm waiting on a packet to come in from a resort in St. Lucia. I believe we will tie the knot in a beach ceremony in St. Lucia. We plan to invite about 50 people with the hopes that we have at least 6-10 people who would like to join us. We'd like more people to come, but we understand it's not a cheap vacation. We are thinking end of April, beginning to middle of May next year.

Once that's settled, we're thinking about what we would like to do at home. LW wants a party but last night when I told him how many people I had on just my list alone (149 people), he laughed and said maybe we should just invite a few people to the house for a cook-out....so that list may be getting cut. Of course close friends and family will be invited...it's those distance relatives and co-workers we can leave off the list.

I think the more I talk about it, the more I really just want to be married. It's not about the ring, the party, the wedding...it's about the four of us becoming a family. We have lots to figure out, and I pray that in my head I can get it all organized.

Why can't money grow on trees?

Big News

2010-05-06T14:27:00.003-04:00

I am….officially….ENGAGED!

LW popped the question last night in front of some of our dearest friends.

I think I’m still in shock. I’ve had a stomach ache since last night. It’s hard to eat, I couldn’t sleep…I have these giddy little butterflies jumping around in my stomach. Just a little bit ago I texted him to tell him that I am blowing off the gym tonight…because I just want us to go home and be alone. To celebrate in our own private way before we tell his entire family this weekend.

Giddy as a school girl!!!

I must say he did the most amazing job finding a ring to suite my personality. The ring is everything and more than what I would have selected for myself. Below is a picture, although the picture does not do it justice. The center stone (princess cut) is sitting on a bed of tiny antique looking diamonds with round stones going down the side and down the front and back, which are NOT visible in the picture.

The proposal came as a surprise. Sure I was expecting him to one day soon ask me to marry him. I just never expected it to be LAST NIGHT! There we were sitting at a Cinco de Mayo dinner with 18 of our closest friends….socializing, laughing….when all of the sudden LW dropped to one knee and without speaking a word the crowd of friends burst into clapping, tears, screaming, and the like. The entire restaurant came to a hault and they too joined in the clapping, whistling, and cheering! It was an amazing moment. I wouldn’t change anything.

I can honestly say there is something so wonderful about being engaged to LW. I feel like I’m on this tiny cloud of happiness. This is what saying ‘yes’ should feel like….this is what it feels like to be part of a real family…this is what love is suppose to feel like. It’s the most amazing feeling in the world.

After he proposed I called several really close friends who were not with me….I called family, I even called some of my closest co-workers. However, we have yet to tell the girls or his family. We plan to tell Kassidy tomorrow and call Lauren over the weekend. Then of course on Mother’s Day we will share the good news with his Mom and sisters. So please, if you are my Facebook friend, please do not post anything until I’ve posted about it. We are trying to get to as many family members in person as possible. As hard as it is to wait, I have to.

Happiness. I seriously am THAT happy.

This is my future…

::sigh::

2010-05-05T12:20:00.002-04:00

So I failed big time last night!!

Just last week I ran 2.26 miles and walked 1.2 miles with a pace of 9:43 min/miles totally 3.46 miles. Well folks, last night I bombed it all.

I finished with....get this...10:45 min/miles.

What the heck? I ran 3.35 miles and walked .08 miles! What the heck??? I'm walking faster than I run.

I was so utterly disappointed last night that I wanted to throw the towel in and admit defeat. I can only think that the reason why I was so slow was because my legs are starting to feel like weights after the second mile. I hope this is normal. My breathing is crazy under control and I feel good there. It's just been hard to get my legs cranking on the third mile without walking. I'm sure the two Vanilla Waffers I ate before I ran didn't help either. :-(

So I hang my head in shame today. I know it's still an accomplishment, but I might as well have walked the whole thing if I'm going to post a time like that.

I'll try again on Saturday morning though. Tonight is a rest up day and tomorrow I'll be lifting weights at the gym and doing mild cardio on the elliptical.

I can't quit now, no matter how upset and disappointed I am.

Running

2010-05-04T12:15:00.002-04:00

In the beginning of April(end of March actually) I started my journey to run a half marathon. By no means will I finish in the amazing amount of time that my friend Colleen (who BTW if you don't know her is an amazing athlete!) can run a half marathon in, but I must admit I have gotten so much better over the recent weeks.

I keep a log of everything I do from...what I do at the gym, to what I run at home, to how many minutes I sit in the sauna. I won't bore you with the mindless details that mean nothing to you, but I will say that I ran 69.69miles this month! May not seem like a lot to some of you athletes out there, but to me, it means that I didn't sit on my ass every day for a month; it means that I cared enough about my goal to work on it; it means I'm putting my health first for once; it means I'm 69.69 miles closer to my goal.

I'm proud of myself. It's not been an easy journey at all. I was born with a hip disorder which severly limits me from running every day and sometimes every other day. The pain from it can be excurciating thus the reason why I've been at the gym more, so that I can work through the pain on less harder cardio machines. If it wasn't running it would be something else causing me issues (heck even sitting on an airplane for too long can send me into pain). But I push through because I can..and because I want to achieve this goal. I also injured my knee in a rollarblading accident 11 years ago, so I've had to push through those issues as well.

But I'm kicking butt and taking names. And I'm proud!

Thursday of last week, for the first time since I was in my 20's, I ran for 2.26 miles....without stopping! I ended up finishing 3.46 miles in my best time yet...9:43 min/miles.

Amazing for someone like me struggling with old injuries.

But I refuse to let my injuries run my life. I've been monitoring my pain level though and if I feel like I can't do it, then I won't, but I certainly won't sit home. If I can't run, then I walk. If I can't walk, then I swim. There's no excuse to not exercise...I just have to find a different form of excersise every now and again.

My goal time to finish the half marathon in is in 2 hours and 45 mins. I want to be under the 3 hour mark. For some of you that may be cake, but for me, suffering from these injuries, it will be an amazing feat....a journey well worth taking.

Tonight I'll be going home and running my normal route which is 3.46 miles. So tonight I'm going to work on making it 9:35 min/mile. I can do it!!!!

Wish me luck! :-)

Happy Two Years

2010-05-03T08:22:00.001-04:00

On Mother’s Day LW and I will be together two years.

It’s hard to believe it’s been two years…..because honestly I feel like I have known him forever. He’s my best friend. When I look at him I can’t imagine life without him. He’s everything I have ever wanted in a man.

He’s a great father.

He’s a good friend.

He’s giving.

He’s shy when he wants to be.

He’s outgoing.

He’s educated.

He’s attractive.

He’s funny.

He’s supportive.

He’s successful at his job.

It’s amazing how much two years has changed us. We went from dating, to living together, to being a family. I do not need a wedding ring to know that we are family. I love those girls like they are my own. I love LW like a wife would love her husband.

I never thought it would be possible to love him any more than what I already do. At night I’ll sit on the couch next to him, and not want to be anywhere else. No one understands me like he does. No one tolerates me like he does. And no one could love me as much as he does.

To celebrate (we had to celebrate early because we have Kassidy next weekend and of course it’s Mother’s Day) our two years together he took me to dinner at P.F. Chang’s and then we went to the Funny Bone and watched a crazy comedian hypnotize people. It was a fabulous evening.

I look forward to many more years with LW. I know I have found my Mr. Right. I feel it in my heart.

Interview

2010-04-30T14:07:00.001-04:00

Well I had my interview.

Walked in there fairly confident; left there feeling like I failed myself.

I always get way too nervous. And when I get nervous I babble. And when I babble I become confused. And when I get confused I get light-headed. And when I get light-headed I freak the heck out!

I am capable of the job though. It’s a little of what I do now…liaison between the business and IT….project management in some capacity. It sounds exciting and rewarding, but on the flip side it sounds scary and not at all like what I had envisioned myself to be doing in 10 years.

I won’t be too disappointed if I didn’t get the job. But honestly I do want the job. I want to make a new name for myself….I want more money….I want more responsibility…..I want more accountability. Strange to say that, but it’s true.

I should know more in two weeks. He interviewed someone already this week and has about two interviews next week. After that point, I would meet with his boss and go from there. So could be another two weeks.

I hate waiting.

I’m no good at it.

I’d rather know right now if I’m a good fit or not.

I will say when I got up to walk away from him, I was embarrassed. I had on super high heels (remember I’m 5’1) and with my heels on, I was taller than the guy. Opppssss Hope that didn’t ruin my chances!

Let the waiting game begin……

Potential

2010-04-27T19:07:00.003-04:00

I my friends, have an interview on Friday! I'm trying not to jinx myself by talking about it too much, but if I blog about it am I really talking too much about it??

It all happened so fast. On Thursday a dear work/blog/chatboard friend passed along my resume to a hiring manager in an area she is familiar with. And low and behold, the hiring manager must have seen something because yesterday he scheduled an interview with me!

The last time I interviewed in person was almost 8 years ago! I did a phone interview last year but those to me are so easy. I can hang up on them if the interview doesn't go the way I planned. HAHAHA But during a face to face I can't excuse myself to go to the bathroom and never return....kind of like a blind date. :)

I'm nervous because this is a step up for me. It's the next level in my career....it's more money, it's more responsibility, it's less technical than what I do now, and more project managerish. I'm stoked, freaked out, excited, and worried. Worried that I won't be what he's really looking for.

So keep those fingers crossed. The interview is scheduled for 3pm on Friday.....and I can tell you that right after the interview, LW and I are going to the nearest bar for a drink.

I'll keep you posted!

Cards....

2010-04-25T17:05:00.005-04:00

I haven't had much time lately to make cards. I tried on Saturday to make cards, but it only turned into one card. HA That's what happens when life gets busy I suppose. I really have to sit down and come up with some boy card ideas because my best friend's youngest son has a birthday this week. Guess I better put my brain to work.

So here I'll leave with some of my creations over the last month or two. Enjoy!

Family Photos

2010-04-18T18:49:00.007-04:00

In March when Lauren was home we had family pictures taken by Britt. Britt did such an amazing job! We are so happy with the photos and had such a fun time taking them. And I know the girls had a great time as well! We had them taken at the Franklin Park Conservatory in Columbus. It's such a beautiful place that provided some really fun back grounds.

Below are some of my very favorite photos.

Enjoy!

Caught up...and I'm behind!

2010-04-14T07:50:00.003-04:00

I'm struggling to keep up lately. More so because I've been in training all week and then tomorrow I have a work offsite meeting all day. Fun! The new job gig is keeping me busy. For those that don't know, I've moved into a new role at work...again. I'm now the test lead for the area. YAY Loving it and it's keeping me busy.

Today would have been my Mom's 70th birthday. I wish I could say it gets easier...because it doesn't. You just learn to live with it even though there's a piece of your heart missing. I wanted to go to the cemetary today, but not sure I'll make it with my crazy schedule. I do plan on going this weekend though.

Lauren is officially coming home. We haven't picked a date yet, but she's applied to college and is now looking for jobs.

My dad is postponing his trip home this summer. He's having a lot of medical tests run so I will be going out his way to take him to his doctor's appointments. Since his stroke he has not been the same. He's forgetful, tired, etc. So it's best if I just go out his way to help him get to his appointments. Plus we are planning his funeral. Ugh not a task I want to take on, but we need to get it planned so that I knows what he wants. More than likely he'll come out to Ohio in late summer, early fall.

I have our family pictures back from the photographer. I'm planning on trying to load them this evening. They turned out amazing!!!

We've had some senior picture drama with Lauren, so we'll be doing a re-shoot when we're out there next month. She's so excited! Turns out the photographer is also from a town (Pickerington) close to our house, so he's excited to shoot someone from his hometown. I can't wait to see how they turn out. The set her mom had taken were horrible....her mom did no research and we were left to choose from very few pictures and none were good. Lauren is so much more beautiful than the original photographer captured on camera. She deserves better so we're giving it to her. I can't wait to share them!!!

For now that's about it....I'm sorry I'm behind on blog reading but I do hope to get caught up over the weekend. LW will be at basketball camp, so I'll have a lot of free, alone time. I can't wait!

Summer....Straight Ahead.....

2010-04-09T10:14:00.002-04:00

I feel like I’m living in the fast lane and can’t get out of it!

In May we’ll be heading to Arizona to see Lauren graduate from high-school. An exciting, amazing time for our family.

Shortly after Lauren graduates we’ll make a quick trip over to Nevada to check in on my Dad.

And then all hell breaks loose!!

Lauren will be home sometime after her graduation in late May....permanently. She has decided to attend college in Ohio…..Ohio University to be exact. Since she has missed the deadline to apply for the fall semester, she will be starting at the branch and then transferring to the main campus, hopefully by winter quarter. In the mean time, she is looking for summer jobs.

Once she’s settled in at home, Kassidy will most likely be out of school and ready to stay the summer with us starting in June. LW is still working out arrangements to have Kassidy this summer. It would be awesome to have the girls there all of the time. It will feel like a real family.

After we get Kassidy settled in (hopefully; cross your fingers!), then comes my Dad for 5 weeks, starting in July!!!

Holy cow!!! Can you say “packed house?” We have a tiny 1,800 sq ft home…three bedrooms. And with Lauren home, all of the bedrooms will be taken. So my poor father will have to shack up in the den on a blow up mattress. Thankfully he’ll be staying only part time with us. I have a younger brother with three children, so I’m certain he will spend quite a bit of time with them.

It’s funny how just two years ago I was living the single life, in my tiny house, which at the time felt kind of huge and lonely. And now there will be laughter and busyness in mass abundance. I’m slightly overwhelmed but thankful we have a cleaning lady and a lawn mowing company, so we’ll get to spend time together as a family and I won’t feel pressed to have to keep up with things as much.

I’m looking forward to this summer. I know there will be challenges ahead but if we focus as a family we can make it through it. I’m excited to have my girls home, under one roof. I’m excited for the birthdays and holidays ahead. I’m excited to be able to provide them with a happy, healthy home. I know it won’t be easy, and personally I’m struggling right now with Kassidy, but we’ll make it. It will just take a little time and a lot of nurturing.

Stay tuned for some amazing summer updates!!!

Careers

2010-04-07T08:41:00.000-04:00

Do you ever look back and wonder what you could have done differently in regards to your career? Are you where you thought you would be?

I think often about some of the choices I made, and if I had to do it all over again, I would change a lot in terms of my career path. Don’t get me wrong…I love what I do, I’m paid well, and I have a great work family. But I often think about where I would be had I gone straight to college after high school to pursue my dream.

My dream was to become a forensic scientist. For as long as I can remember I have wanted to find out why and how people died and to help piece together murder mystery puzzles. Weird I know. But I know I would have been darn good at it.

Before I decided I wanted to be a scientist, which clearly never happened, I had wanted to be the next Barbara Walters. I loved the news. I loved reporting my findings on just about anything. I loved thinking I could make a difference. I even took a class in school called Television Production. I think that’s when I decided I didn’t want to be on TV, I’d rather be a scientist.

Last night as I’m sitting there on FB I’m scrolling through some photos of my high school friends from my hometown of Capitan, New Mexico. There were roughly 30 of us in our grade (I left the summer of my junior year). One is now an accomplished surgeon in San Fransisco. One is a scientist for NASA. One is the vice president of overseas call centers. Several are teachers. One is a well established lawyer in Arizona. One took over his father’s construction company. One was a professional bull rider. One is a state park ranger. Basically most everyone has some amazing career to brag about. Me? I’m just an IT Specialist working for a large insurance company (who by the way has the stupidest commercial on TV right now).

As LW would say, don’t get it twisted…..I’m blessed to have a job. And I’d like to think I’m successful. I just feel I could have done more with my life had I choosen a career I was in love with. Obviously I’m good at what I do because I have been working with the PeopleSoft system for 15 years now but that will never replace how badly I once had wanted to be a scientist.

Some say I should go back to school. Honestly, by the time I’d finish I’d be in my 40’s and LW will be retired (he’s 8 years older) so I’ll be wanting to slowly get to retirement myself, because according to LW, we ARE retiring at 55. God I love that man.

So tell me…are you pursing the career you had always dreamed of? Or did you settle like I did.

Do tell…..

Run Forest Run

2010-04-05T11:46:00.003-04:00

I've started running (jogging, walking fast). Sunday was day two of my new found journey. There's so much freedom when you strap on a pair of running shoes, an ipod loaded with your favorite tunes and you head out wondering where your legs will take you. I wish I could tell you I ran the whole time, but I'm not that good. My legs are short so I tire easily. But I have managed to keep a good pace.

Saturday I ran 11:06 minute miles and Sunday I ran 10:46 (I think) minute miles. Impressive when you consider I run as fast as I can walk! HA Both days I traveled over 3.5 miles.

As soon as I got in from my run yesterday I easily could have turned around and gone back out again. But I know I need to keep myself from getting injured so I stayed put....for now.

Tonight I plan to go on a long bike ride since I need to give my running legs a bit of a break. I plan to go about 5 miles tonight.

This running stuff isn't so bad. However ask me again in another month when I've hopefully made it to 5/6 miles! That's when I'm sure I'll start cursing like a sailor.

So far this journey isn't so bad. It's definately helped me to clear my head and find some peace with the issues I have in my life. There's something so powerful about doing something you never thought you could do.

Anything is possible. You just have to believe it.

No breaky breaky!

2010-03-31T07:44:00.003-04:00

Best news ever....

I went to Urgent Care last night becauase I couldn't take the pain in my rib area any longer. I'm sure the doctor thought I was a nut when I described what I had done even though I really couldn't remember (a picture is worth a thousand words!).

After the cute x-ray guy was finished with me, I waited for the doctor. And he told me, I have a bad internal bruise in the rib area. WOOT WOOT He gave me some good pain meds, patted me on the back and sent me on my way.

And today I feel great! Better than I have in 10 days!!!! I slept like a champ too.

So right now I am on the road to recovery. It could be 6 weeks before I'm totally healed up, but honestly I feel good today so I can't imagine it will take that long.

What a huge sigh of relief.

Appearances

2010-03-29T08:29:00.000-04:00

I’ve been avoiding plugging in my camera and downloading the photos on it.

Why?

Because on there were 200 pictures taken at my annual St. Patrick’s Day bash. This was my eighth year to throw it and I swear, every year it gets bigger and bigger! So many good friends and family came out to help us celebrate.

But before you ask…no I am NOT Irish. I have always just loved the month of March and loved St. Patty’s Day. Maybe at one time in my past life I was Irish or attracted to an Irish man. Who knows. But I love St. Patty’s Day.

I always decorate my house, make tons of food and Jell-O shots and invite a gaggle of people over. We drink, we laugh, we visit, we relax. But this year…..I drank so much that I honestly can’t remember half of the night.

How disappointing!!!

I never ever drink like that any more. Once I hit 30 I couldn’t drink like that anymore nor did I ever want to drink like that, but I think for some unknown reason, I let loose this year.

So much so that I believe I have a cracked rib!!!! The party was well over a week ago and here I still sit contemplating if I should go to the Urgent Care and get checked out. Although I know that not much can be done with a cracked rib. ::sigh:: Stupidity.

I’ll never understand why I inflicted such torture on myself. Really? Who wants to wake up with a killer hangover. And who in their right mind wants to be reminded about the things they said or did that night but never remember. UGH Never again folks. I’m writing this down….never again will I drink that much!!!!

I’d post pictures but it’s almost a waste. I look horrible in them (my friends always look great though – I did post some to FB). Besides the fact that I drank so much, I’m just plain fat. Even though I haven’t gained but 1.5 pounds since I’ve returned to work, I’m still frustrated with my looks. I honestly am 3 sizes bigger than I use to be and about 25 pounds heavier.

It’s sad. I’m healed from my surgery but now I have a jacked up rib. So I can’t run because I can’t breathe!!! I’m so frustrated. But I went ahead and bought new running shoes this weekend and I will be walking in them this week. I may not be able to get my run on but I will work on getting my legs stretched and moving again. And of course I’m tracking my food intake again.

I have got to be happy with my appearance again. My attitude has changed and I feel fantastic…but now it’s time for my attitude to match my appearance. I’m even thinking about changing my hair color to a dark brown. But we’ll see.

Stay tuned. Things are gonna be changing fast.

Lauren vs Arizona

2010-03-26T13:34:00.000-04:00

Several people have asked why Lauren is in AZ so I’ll give you a little update since now I too finally have it all straightened out!

Lauren was born in Ohio. LW was never married to her Mom. They had just recently started dating, therefore Lauren was not planned. I won’t use the word mistake, because she is not a mistake, she was a surprise. And what a beautiful surprise (her baby pictures are so dag gone cute, but I digress).

LW was with Lauren’s Mom for a short period of time before she then started dating her now husband. As I’m told, Lauren’s Mom married a man who was in the military so they had to do a lot of moving and traveling across the country. LW did not want his daughter moving across the country and being uprooted so Lauren’s Mom and LW worked out an arrangement to where LW would raise Lauren.

So there LW was….a single father….raising a daughter.

Lauren was 5.

He probably wasn’t single for long before he started dating Kassidy’s Mom. LW and Lauren eventually moved in with Kassidy’s Mom and her son from her previous relationship/marriage.

Eventually Kassidy would be born when Lauren was 7. LW would never marry Kassidy’s Mom (to this day he has never been married) but they would be together until Kassidy was 8.

By the time Lauren turned 16 her Mom’s husband had retired from the military and they settled in Georgia. Lauren had to make a tough call…stay home with your dad, your sister, your family and friends, or move and be with your mother. LW was just splitting up with Kassidy’s Mom so I’m sure the decision wasn’t too hard.

She chose her Mom (LW to this day, still gets upset about. But he accepts it.).

However within a year Lauren was moving again because apparently the step-dad had not fully retired, thus prompting the move to Arizona her Junior year of high school.

And that my friends is why Lauren is in Arizona.

Her and I had a talk recently about why she left home because I was always so curious why a person would uproot themselves, especially at a young age. I was the only person I knew who had ever done that (I left home in New Mexico at 15 to move in with my older sister in Ohio. I left my parents behind for a number of years and for a number of reasons, but that’s a different story.). She told me she had always wanted to live with her mom because honestly what girl wouldn’t want to live with her mom? It’s a girl thing. Plus her mom gave her the freedom that her dad did not. Looking back she said she made the wrong decision. But she accepts it and realizes she can change her future. She’s one smart kid.

My advice to her recently has been: “Do what is right for you. Not what is right for your mom or your sister or your dad. Do what Lauren wants to do. Make the most out of this life you have because you have so many beautiful opportunities ahead of you. Life is too short to dwell on past mistakes. Forgive, forget and trudge forward with your head held high. Those who love you will support you.”

It’s funny how easy it is to talk to the kids and help them press on with their futures. I was 18 once. I remember how terribly scared I was. And how I didn’t know which way was up sometimes. But I always knew I had a mission in this life and that I had to take control and not let anyone tell me I couldn’t do it no matter how hard it was and no matter the consequences.

Right now we struggle with Lauren because of some personal internal issues and dilemmas she is going through. We can only make her see the light. We cannot draw her to it. She must find it on her own.

So much so fast.....

2010-03-25T17:37:00.000-04:00

Every day since Lauren has been home she's texted me.

Every day since Lauren has been home she's called and talked to Dad.

She wants to come home.

So this weekend LW and I are going to find out what the application deadline is for her to attend Ohio University.

She wants to come home in a bad bad way.

BUT can she leave Craig (the boyfriend)? We've told her he is allowed to visit, but cannot under any circumstances live with us (she has asked several times).

It remains to be seen if she will be coming home. I predict she will. So does LW. Kass, we haven't really told her as to not get her hopes up.

Lauren told me the other day that she has waited SO LONG to see her Dad happy and to be a part of a happy family.

That my friends is the reason why I was meant to find LW.

I was meant to show those girls love, respect, happiness, friendship and to be what their Mother's aren't to them (that part I'm still trying to figure out).

I want my new family all together under one roof.

And soon it just may happen.

It's scary.

It's NOT going to be easy.

But we will make it work.

Happiness for all.....straight ahead! CHOO CHOO

Lauren's Departure

2010-03-22T08:49:00.002-04:00

Lauren went home last night.

I’m a crier in general, even more so lately, but let me tell you, it was heart wrenching watching that child go through security at the airport, knowing we couldn’t see her to the plane. So there LW and I stood, waving, crying, waving some more, wishing with everything that we had that we could keep her from boarding that plane. I buried my face in his back, crying, as she soon disappeared out of sight.

And there we stood.

Me with a dozen pink and white roses in my hand. And LW with a broken heart. I have never seen LW cry before. Ever. He’s gotten teary eyed, but I have never ever seen him flat out cry with tears rolling down his face.

We walked in silence as we tried to process the fact that we WILL be seeing her in less than two months. She WILL be home for part of the summer. But still, we ached inside.

I miss her laughter.

After we settled down when we got home last night, and turned on the TV. We sat there and I looked at him and said “This house is far too quiet.” For the rest of the night we sat there in silence mostly. Every now and then I would cry or he would tear up.

It’s amazing how much of an impact she has made on my life. I honestly wasn’t sure I could love someone else’s child as much as I could love my own. But I do. And while I didn’t get to watch Lauren grow up, I will get to see her graduate, get married, have her own family…and I wouldn’t pass that up for anything in the world.

Her being here has reminded me that I am so very lucky. I will never take my love for LW or his children for granted ever. They are and always will be my family.

So I have to go back to the roses…..

I arrived at the airport separately from everyone else (Lauren’s BFF and her family were there as well). I walked up to the ticket counter and Lauren turned and handed me a dozen pink and white roses and a card. I wanted to cry, but I held back. When she walked away later on to get a snack, I opened the card and started crying. The card said something to the fact of ‘you don’t know how amazing you are and how much I appreciate you’ kind of thing. Super, duper sappy. And then she signed it “Love Lauren, your girl.” BIG BIG tears rolled down my face (and still are as I type this!). She was so thoughtful. Later on I asked LW if he knew anything about it and he said no. She did this all on her own and that makes it even more special!

And of course we get home and there on the refridgerator is a note she wrote to us telling us she loved us. I don’t think I will ever be able to take it down.

I miss her so much!

Guess now it’s time for me to clean my monitor off. Too many tears already this morning!

Lauren's Visit

2010-03-19T12:40:00.000-04:00

I'm so terribly sad that she's going home. I have gotten so use to a teenager living in our house. It's funny after a week just how use to it I have gotten. We have so much in common from clothes, to likes and dislikes it's not even funny. Even while I've been at work this week she has called me, texted me and sometimes even waited on me to get home. We've shopped, we've talked, we've spent time together as a family. I absolutely love my girls.

I can't say it's been easy though because teenagers are hard and they are a HUGE influence on their younger sibilings. We did have one incident this week that hurt Dad's feelings but all is resolved now. Teenagers just don't understand how their words impact their younger sibilings. The younger kids hang on every word of their older sibilings. I too was guilty of this with my older sisters.

But all is well and perfect and I HAVE the family I wanted. It would be much better if they lived with us, but we'll manage through the tough times. That's what families do. Dad is a little strict though and I’m working on that. It’s not easy, but according to Lauren, “Dad is much softer than when I was last home” (which was in 2008).

Case and point. Here is a text message between Lauren and I this morning:

Me: I believe Dad will pay for Panama City as your graduation present from him. He was going to talk to Kaylee’s Mom (Lauren’s BFF) to get a feel for how much money you will need. Bring it up to him today.

Lauren: Okay sounds good!

Me: You have to admit I’m softening him up a bit. Still have work to do though!

Lauren: Ur doing a perfect job. Every time Kaylee sees u she’s like Danica is perfect for your dad and I’m like I know it’s like he’s been waiting for something like this all his life! U truly are amazing.

My heart sank and I sat at my desk at work and just cried. Cried because she does love me (when she left to go out the other night with friends she said “Good bye, I love you.”). Cried because she does see that with a little patience and hard work I can help her Dad to understand teenagers and girls in general. Cried because I am going to miss her like crazy. Cried because I want her to live with us forever. Cried because I love my life, even with the little road bumps we had this week. Cried remembering how Lauren called me her step-mom the other day. Cried because life is finally as good as I wanted/hoped it to be.

Lauren goes home Sunday evening. We still have a couple of more days with her. I can’t wait. She’s a great kid. And she is so darn stinking beautiful it’s not even funny.

I’m proud to be her soon to be step-mom. And I’m happy that LW and Lauren’s Mom raised such a beautiful, respectful young lady.

I’m gonna miss her something crazy.

But in less than two months I’ll see her again when we go for her high school graduation in Arizona. And of course she’s coming back this summer!

I’m counting down the days!

Busy

2010-03-15T13:20:00.001-04:00

Not much time to post or read blogs this week. I promise to catch up next week after Lauren has gone home.

I must say Lauren is the most spirited, fun loving teenager I have ever met. We hugged the second we saw each and at that moment I knew I could love her forever. She's won me over in a big way.

I'll post all kinds of pictures next week. We had family pictures yesterday. I'm sure they are going to be amazing!! I can't wait to see them and share them.

In the mean time...have a great week and I'll be back shortly.

Bra-less

2010-03-11T12:11:00.003-05:00

I was in a rush yesterday when I got home from work. I had a hair appointment to get to but first I wanted to get some things done at home and change into something comfy since my appointment would be about two hours (cut and weave color).

When I'm finished with some things, I go upstairs, change my clothes and run out the door to the car.

I was half way to the hair salon when I felt a little 'jiggly'. Crap. I took my bra off!!! OMG! I kept thinking I should turn around but then I would be late, and I'm the type of person that hates to be late.

So I said screw it...and went bra less!!!

I think it happened because for 6 weeks I rarely wore a bra! Why? I'm home. No one is coming over. I would be resting all day. So there WAS no need to hoyst those bad boys up.

Thankfully I had on a big zip up sweatshirt and my stylist never knew the difference.

Until....I told her! Can you say BIG MOUTH!

And then we laughed so hard and somewhere in that laughing she knicked my ear with the shears. Not cool.

I bled everywhere! HA But we kept right on laughing.

Welcome Back

2010-03-09T11:49:00.004-05:00

I don't mean welcome back to work.

I mean welcome back to life.

To understand where I'm at right now, is to understand where I've been. Seven years ago, I was a carefree 30 year old woman, venturing into my second marriage. I loved him, but not the way a wife should love her husband. I thought for sure I would learn to love him more, since I loved his family so much.

Early into our marriage we had fun. We would go out almost every other night or so when I didn’t have class (I was working towards my bachelor’s degree). We were the couple that everyone hung around…people came to our house often for dinner, parties, game nights, drinks, and we were ALWAYS planning long weekend get aways with friends. Tuesday nights soon became hamburger and beer night at a local pub.

By 2005 the marriage was shaky. It was turning into an emotionally and physically challenging relationship. I was unable to get pregnant so the stress was riding on both of our shoulders. So what did I do? I retreated inside of myself. Socializing was growing to a slow end….no more Tuesday nights, no more having friends over during the week, no more game nights…not much of anything.

On January 14, 2006 I woke up and rolled over and asked my husband to move out. He promptly thought I needed help, but what I really needed was space. Our life had changed. We were no longer carefree. We no longer felt like ‘that’ couple. We just didn’t work out.

Then someone showed up….a long lost ex.

Throughout my separation and then into my divorce in Sept of 2006 I was dating an ex-drug addict.

I thought I could change him.

Wrong.

Life was impossible with him so I stayed retreated inside of myself. I socialized, but it hurt. I was emotionally crippled. I would rather stay home on a Friday night crying, then go out with friends to a movie, or the like.

So I tried to commit suicide. The second darkest day of my life.

We broke up right after New Years Day in 2007…..the year that would rock my world and crush my faith.

But then…in April 2007 a bright spot appeared…or so I thought. He came in the form of a man I use to work with. I knew him well…or did I? Turns out he used me to get over his own problems. He NEEDED ME to help him figure out what he wanted in life, instead of the both of us going on this journey together.

I was alone again.

By September my mother was diagnosed with cancer. And I was all alone….no one to go home to at night after my long visits in the hospital….no one to tell me it would be alright. And then the unthinkable happened.

My Mom died.

And I was alone. She had died December 29, 2007. After the hospital, I went home to a dark, cold house, where I stayed retreated inside of myself. I wouldn’t share much of what I was feeling with anyone. I didn’t go out. I didn’t do anything.

After January 2008 I took a turn for the worst emotionally. I was fragile, I was crushed and I did things, that today I will never speak of. I was not who I was suppose to be.

Since 2003 I hadn’t felt good. Or happy. Or healthy. Or alive.

In May 2008 I met LW and the moment I was with him on our first date, I really felt like I could love him…and be happy. I started to find myself again.

But then, my dad had a stroke on Mother’s Day.

The first Mother’s Day without my Mother. The first of many Mother’s Days that I spent laying flowers on her grave.

My Dad survived but ended up partially blind. He too has never been the same.

While I tried to be who I was, I couldn’t. I feel like even LW knew I wasn’t who I was suppose to be…or who I used to be. But he gave me a shot. And I have to say there were several times where I wouldn’t be surprised if he was ready to walk away from me. But he worked hard on me…to help me find who I was.

He gave me a life I could have never dreamed possible. He believed in me. He loved me. He listened to me. And he gave me two beautiful (step) daughters to love. He helped me find the family I had always been looking for.

Struggles and happiness filled the air in 2009, however I still wasn’t able to latch on to who I was. Perhaps I was never meant to find her?

It wouldn’t be until Saturday when I would find myself again.

Saturday morning I went with some friends to find a wedding dress for my friend. I laughed so hard my stomach hurt….we shopped, we shared, they listened, I listened. I felt good. I felt happy. So on the way home I called LW and said “we’re going to the pub tonight…I need a beer and a hamburger.”

After a couple of hours of talking and laughing with LW, a hamburger and several beers later, LW turned to me and said “Welcome Back.”

Even he knew I was missing.

It was in that moment that I realized. I AM in control of this life that I have. I can feel sorry for myself. I can dwell on the past. OR I can fix it.

So I fixed it.

And I’m back. I am who I was before I let grief take me over.

I am letting go and looking forward.

Even my co-workers have sensed the change.

Welcome Back….two of the best words in the English dictionary.

Quick Update

2010-03-08T12:59:00.000-05:00

I started back to work today. I'm on my lunch break, but I really should be reading emails. I have so many work emails to respond to!!!! But all is well and I was warmly accepted back in the office. I've had gaggles of people all day welcoming me back. It feels good to be missed. :-)

My dad is coming home! He will be home for 5 weeks...count that...5 weeks! My brother and I pitched in together and got my Dad a plane ticket. He was so excited he could hardly contain himself. I'm thrilled that I can afford to fly him home. It means the world to me to have him here.

That's all I have for now. I will be writing a very deep, personal post this week called "Welcome Back" and no that's not back to work...it's about being back in the game of life. I can't wait to share it with all of you.

Until then...Happy Monday!

Coincidence

2010-03-05T17:02:00.003-05:00

I miss my Dad.

Today I was working out - walking on the treadmill as I can't do much else right now - and I thought about my Dad. See I just finished reading "Dear John" by Nicholas Sparks, and there were parts of that book that reminded me of my relationship with my Dad, or lack there of. Being that he is my only parent left, I want to fix parts of our relationship that have failed. And I mean that with all of my heart.

I finish working out and grab my phone and there is a text message from my Dad:

At 2:49 - TESTING MY PHONE

Then another text message:

At 3:02 - Hi

And then I cry. I cry because he lives in Nevada and I live in Ohio. I cry because I miss him. I cry because he's getting older and is so fragile since his stroke. I cry because there are so many things I want to say and don't have the courage to do so.

So I called him. And we talked for awhile before he had to go. I will be seeing him in May but only for a few short days. I haven't seen him in almost two years. I need him here. I need to know he's safe. So I called my brother and we are talking about buying my Dad a plane ticket to stay with us for a month. My Dad was originally going to fly home with me when I was out there, but he doesn't have the money to do so.

So here I wait on my brother to call me back to see if he wants to go in on a plane ticket. I saw my Dad last in 2008 after his stroke. My brother on the other hand has not seen my Dad since 2006. With three kids it's hard for my brother to travel. So I think this will be good for all of us...to have my Dad here...to show him where Mom is buried (they have been divorced for 21 years, but my Dad loved my Mom and vice versa).

So here's to hoping my Dad comes home for a little while this summer. I need him here.

Monday

2010-03-03T11:38:00.003-05:00

Monday is the day I FINALLY go back to work.

I went to the doctor yesterday and everything went well. However I'm still a tad bit swollen which is something she didn't expect. UGH So here I sit with a heating pad on my stomach. Good news is though...I DID NOT GAIN WEIGHT WHILE I WAS OFF!! OMG I wanted to do cartwheels. I weighed exactly what I weighed when I went into surgery. I can't tell you how scared I was that I was going to gain the weight back that I had worked so hard to lose before surgery. Such a great feeling!!!!!

I'm now on an estrogen patch. Kind of nice since I only have to change the patch twice a week. So far I'm seeing small changes...hot flashes aren't as often and I actually got some sleep last night. I'm on a super low dosage so hopefully I won't need to bump up to the next dosage level. Will depend on how I do in the next six weeks.

While at the doctor she deeply apologized to me for the mistake the hospital made in putting me on the maternity floor. She said in all of her years of doing hysterectomy's she has NEVER had a patient be put on the maternity floor. It was an accident. I get it. But I DID receive great care and had a private room. I'm told that if I would have gone to the regular floor I would have had to have shared a room with someone and the care wouldn't have been as attentive. I don't think I could have shared a room. I was going through something so personal and so hard that I cried so much while I was alone. But I'm happy my doctor apologized. It all worked out for the best, even if it was hard for me to walk by the nursery on my walks.

All in all I'm doing good. Not 100% but nothing close to what I was when I was finished with surgry. And I am HAPPY to report that my pre-surgery pain is GONE!!!!!! What a relief.

I made the right choice.

I CAN live with this decision the rest of my life knowing I did the right thing.

I'm speechless.

February Goals Recap

2010-03-01T10:15:00.004-05:00

This month was particuarly hard on some of my main goals because of the surgery. I spent the whole month basically confined to my home, recupping. I go back to the doctor tomorrow to see if I can return to work this week. I can't believe how fast 6 weeks have gone by. While I'm doing good, I have had this nagging pain in my left side up under my rib cage. I hope it's nothing, but sometimes it kills me when I breathe...so let's hope for the best!

So here is my February recap:

1. Train to run a half marathon

While I haven't been able to train, I have gotten information to sign up with a running group that will help train me!!! So excited. As soon as the doctor releases me, I'm signing up!

2. Plan a skydiving adventure.

I need to get with my friend Emily on this! I'm so going this year!!!

3. Take one vacation instead of two.

This one is still on track. We are taking one family vacation with Kassidy to Arizona. And then some small weekend trips here and there. We will be in Paris next year!

4. Spend more time crafting gifts and cards.

So far I have hand made all of my birthday cards, anniversary, cards, sympathy cards and Valentine's Day cards, thank you cards.

5. Take more classes to work towards my second bachelors degree.

I am signing up to start back June 29th. I'm techincally already signed up, but I want to change the class I'm suppose to take.

6. Not purchase a single pair of pants/shorts/capris (other than PJs – a secret obsession of mine) until I have lost at least 8-10 pounds.

So far I haven't purchased any pants. Although I'll have to forgo this goal and purchase pants for our family pictures in two weeks. UGH

7. Spend more time in the gym with the weights.

I was doing great before surgery. So I'll be back on track soon!

8. Pack my lunch every day but once/twice in a month (we have team lunches or birthday lunches at least once a month).

I've ate in every day this month. HA Easy to do when you're stuck home. :-)

9. Not purchase a new car!

No new car here although I cry for a new car often.

10. Track my spending.

I've been monitoring my spending and doing well. It's nice to see where all of the money is going.

My next project is to work on my 'Bucket List'. I have so many things I want to do before I die, so I plan to work on that list next. I can't wait to see what I come up with!!!!

My biggest little fan.

2010-02-26T10:28:00.003-05:00

Not to be out done by his brother, I must say that Boomer, my youngest cat, has been so loving since I have been home. It's like he senses something is wrong with me. He snuggles up with me constantly and anytime I have the water works going, he's on my lap meowing and purring. Our pets just know when we need a little love.

For that I am grateful.

So here's my other little man....Boomer.

Something that makes me happy!

2010-02-24T18:50:00.007-05:00

Since I've been home recovering I've been addicted to my heating pad. At first I used it alot because my back hurt. My incision hurt like crazy so I was walking all slumped over. But now I just use it to warm me up when I don't have a hot flash coming on....because it is still WINTER and it's still pretty cold in Ohio.

But one day I got up from my seat, only to return to this:

My little Boo Boo (Boots), sneaking some warmth from the heating pad. In all of the years that I have used a heating pad, I have never seen him sneak up against it. I thought for sure he would think it's the worst thing in the world and be afraid of it. Well wouldn't you know, now that he knows what it is, if I even get up for a second and he's awake, he makes a bee-line for it.

That makes me smile.

Menopausal

2010-02-23T11:16:00.003-05:00

No one tells you that the instant you have a hysterectomy, how truly miserable you will be emotionally once you heal from the incision.

I feel pretty good physically. I'm getting around good. I'm driving. I'm walking better. I still struggle to find pants that fit without hit my incision site the wrong way. Thank goodness for sweat pants! I've lived in them for the last five weeks.

But emotionally I am struggling and I have ZERO reason to struggle. I've got great friends and family. And I'm surrounded by happy things and fortunate enough that once I heal physically, that I have nothing else wrong with me. But I hurt inside emotionally.

I cried for two hours on Sunday because I wanted so badly to go to card club but I didn't have the energy.

I cry because I can't sleep at night because I'm hot or cold. While the flashes have gotten better, I'm no longer on pain medicine that will knock me out at night when I sleep. So now I suffer.

I cry because I'm stuck home. We are down to one car at the moment and LW has to go to work...so I sit her surrounded by the same four walls day in and day out. I suppose it's a good thing because I would probably shop my tail off, which is something I shouldn't be doing.

I cry because I want to be outside, walking, running...anything, but I can't. There's snow everywhere!!!

I'm so tired of the emotional up and down. I want it to stop NOW!

I know things will get better once I can get out and get back to my normal routine.

I return to work next week on Thursday. I'm nervous and excited. I miss my friends at work, I miss feeling important, I miss doing something positive. Hopefully after my doctor appointment on Tuesday I'll be able to get back to working out. I actually enjoy the freedom that comes with working out...did I say that out loud?

Five weeks down...one week to go. Until next time.....

Boots

2010-02-22T10:51:00.003-05:00

This is a picture of my oldest cat Boots.

If you click on the picture you will see his tiny pink tongue sticking out trying to lick the snow. I had opened the back door so he could stick his little nose out. He loves being outside even though we don't let him out, he loves the fresh air through the screen, but with winter it's hard to get the cats fresh air so sometimes in the winter, for just a few seconds I will open the door for them. It makes the cats so happy!

It's funny how a little furry creature can make a down day better.

Mother

2010-02-19T16:08:00.004-05:00

LW has an amazing mother.

Eduated.

Passionate.

Thoughtful.

Giving.

Beautiful.

Here she is posing with her husband, LW's step father, Mr. Johnny. Who is also an amazing, thoughtful man.

I had the privilage of attending the Black History Awareness Breakfast where LW's mother received an educators award for her contribution to her community long after she was retired from teaching.

I have learned so much from LW's mother. She preaches the need for an education and is proud that all four of her children have received college educations, and continuting eduation. Her passion for education is important and it's even more important to her to spread the word to young black Americans, that you can do it. So for her efforts in reaching out to the community and offering tutoring services, and the like, she was praised and presented with an educators award.

We were so happy to be witness to such an amazing time in her life. The tears were endless. We are all proud of her. And I am honored to be a part of her family.

She makes me want to be a better person....to reach out to my community. She is a strong, passionate woman who works tirelessly at food banks, shelters for battered women, schools and church activities...she never rests. And she never complains. She does it because she loves it. She would spend her last penny supporting her family and her community.

She very much deserves this award.

Happy

2010-02-16T11:24:00.004-05:00

Awwwww my fellow Nestie, friend and blogger Jill at Happy Hopefuls nominated me for a Happy 101 award. AH I love it. Thanks Jill!!!!

How does this work?

1. Copy and paste the award OR save and attached the award to your blog

2. Link to the person who sent it to you

3. List 10 things that make you happy

4. Pass the award on to other bloggers, visit their blog, and let them know.

10 Things That Make Me Happy:

1. Texts, emails and FB messages from my friends during the day while I have been off from work. They have no idea how much I need that communication!

2. My cats because they have been so snuggly while I've been home.

3. My heating pad

4. Watching LW and Kassidy tickle each other and chase each other around the house to do so.

5. Mexican food

6. Crafting with Kassidy

7. Chocolate milk shakes

8. Reading a good book when it's snowy and cold out.

9. The thought of working out as soon as my doctor releases me.

10. Reading and re-reading the Valentine's Day card that LW gave me. He's so not a mushy man, but those words on that card mean everything to me.

And, now for the nominees:

1. Liz, at Martelle-isms, for always crafting the perfect card and for always making me smile! I have been the receipient of several of her cards and crafts. AMAZING! And so thoughtful!!!

2. Julie, at 47 and Starting Over, for always making me laugh until I have peed my pants. Seriously the funniest person I know! And the one who will always have my back in a bar fight.

3. Simone, at Chocolate Covered Daydreams, for reminding me to stay grounded. Simone is so thoughtful and inspiring.

4. Linda, at Linda Lou, Live from Las Vegas, for making me laugh every single day. And for always reminding me why I love and miss the desert!

5. Crystal, at SimplyCDD, for becoming one of my dearest and bestest friends ever. She makes me laugh endlessly!!!