Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Mother's Day

It was an especially hard day for me for several reasons.

I tried really hard to have a great day. I woke up feeling good. Feeling like it was going to be a beautiful day. The sun was shining, I could hear the birds chirping, so I sat at the table, alone and had breakfast. Lauren was staying the night elsewhere, LW was still in bed from a long night out with the guys, and Kassidy...well she sat on the couch avoiding me. When I would talk to her she wouldn't really respond, so I left her alone. As I was sitting there eating alone I thought about all of the Mom's out there who were waking up to their children making them breakfast in bed. How glorious would that be if someone cared enough about me to make me feel like a queen for a day.

As I sat there I scrolled through my Facebook and saw where Kassidy had been posting Mother's Day wishes to her friends Mom's...saying how much she loved them and appreciated them being in her life. My heart sank. There I sit...alone, while Kassidy is in the other room sending messages to her friend's Moms, feeling like I'm the most unappreciated person in the world.

How should one feel? I try my best to provide her with love and support. And in turn at the very least, I would hope she could look at me on this most important day and say "Thanks for being a good Mother figure to me." But nope. I got the cold shoulder.

So I cried as I walked upstairs (by this time LW was up and hasn't even acknowledged me), crawled back into bed and wondered why I try so hard to give these girls everything when clearly it doesn't seem appreciated. Yes I know they have Mothers, but is it so hard to say thank you to me? I don't need a gift or a card. Just saying thank you would have worked.

All day I laid in bed or on the couch while LW and the girls were off to their Mother's Day celebration at their Grandmother's. It was a very lonely, sad day. I missed my Mom. I hated the fact that I had to face intertility practically alone. I was angry that the girls (mostly Kassidy) don't think of me the way I think of them. I feel like I give and give and give, and they all take, but clearly no one is giving to me. My spirit was crushed.

I do hope that every one of you had a wonderful day spent with family and friends. In Ohio it was a glorious sun shiney day. The first day in awhile where we hadn't seen rain all day.

9 comments:

Julie said...

Oh wow. I had no idea. I thought of you, and just assumed you were having a great "(Step)Mother's Day"!

I'm so sorry, sweetie. I can only imagine how that must feel.

Perhaps you need to equate your level of giving with theirs? Maybe you just need to be Dad's wife and let their mothers mother them....

Hang in there, darlin.

Danica said...

Had I not been used to being stepped on all of my life it might have hurt worse, but non the less the sting was still there.

But you're right....I need to be LW's wife and forgo this Step Mother business even when their Mother's don't Mother them. It's sad because just a week or two ago, Lauren told me that I was a better Mother then her Mom or Kassidy's Mom. She also said that I would have made a great Mom. ::sigh::

Emily said...

*hugs*

I'm so so sorry you had a crappy day, girlie :(

You deserve so much more than that, and I'm sorry that they didn't acknowledge you - they definitely needed to!!! :(

Hopefully you got some love from your furbabies!

Allison said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Allison said...

You deserve more respect and love than those girls gave you and I'm so sorry that they don't see that. You love them like they're your own and that's obvious to everyone around you and I hope someday they'll be able to see that and truly appreciate how great it is to have someone like you in their lives. ((HUGS))

Dee said...

Being a step mother is (usually) the most thankless job. You're not appreciated unless you're giving them something they need/want. It's a tough position to be in. I'm sorry that you had such a bad day boo! Hugs!

LV said...

From what you are telling us, there are a lot issues that need to be worked out by all parties. Why were they not with their real mothers? I could address a lot of things you are sharing, but will just hope pray things get better. When you get involved in mixed families, there will ALWAYS be problems. Take care.

Sue said...

Appreciation is learned in wanting, not getting. The things we appreciate the most are those we worked hardest to get. It sounds to me like these girls want for nothing, at least from you. Maybe it's time they did.

gayle said...

I am so sorry this happened! Teen girls can be pretty much a pain (mine were) but they do grow up and will be better. Just keep on loving them and one day when they are older they will appreciate you. I do hope that you have shared your feelings with LW and that he will make next year different.