Friday, April 1, 2011

A difficult moment.

They say with time the past becomes easier.

What I can say is you never forget, if even for a brief moment you are reminded of a loved ones passing.

Last week my beautifully talented niece played a part in her school musical. One of my proudest moments as an Aunt because I too loved to be on the stage in front of everyone showcasing my talents.

It is always a trek to my brother's house. He lives an hour away and while that's not far, it's a boring drive. It is however one of the many things I enjoyed doing with my Mother. I always picked her up for my niece's and nephew's school functions. We would talk until we couldn't talk any more and just laugh like no one was listening. We had some of the best conversations in our hour drive.

Sunday rolled around and as I was showering I had an instinct to call my Mom and ask her if she would like to ride with me to Kendra's musical since LW had basketball that day.

After three years, I STILL feel the urge to pick up the phone and call her.

I thought that would go away.

All it does is make you sad, and remind of you of things your loved ones are missing out on.

It hurt.

And if only for a moment, I could hear her voice say "I'll be in the lobby waiting on you."

I can still see her sitting out front of her assisted living community, on a warm summer day, dressed in her mismatched clothing, with her glasses changing colors with sun, smiling and telling everyone that her daughter is coming to pick her up for this or that. And as I would get out of the car to help her into it, her friends would say "I've heard this or that about you."

So as I made that drive to my brother's....alone...with the sun shining in my face, I could see a glimpse of her sitting in my passenger seat (I still have the same car), smiling at me, telling me about all of her latest adventures, I am reminded, just how much I truly miss her face...her voice...her laugh...her cry....her hugs.

For today will never be the same without her.

But there's always tomorrow.


Unknown said...

I wish I could bring her back Danica. I can't imagine what you're feeling but I know it's got to be hard, especially since you're getting ready for your special day. The greatest thing is that LW was able to meet your mom and you know that she loved him. You will see her again. This I know for sure!

gayle said...

I know how you feel Danica. My dad passed away in 1998 and mom in 1968 and I still have times when I miss them so much!

LV said...

I still think time is the best healer for grief. I have been down that road so many times. I try to accept the fact, that is life and we have to go on. Nothing can take away the wonderful memories. It is okay to still miss and think of her. Just do not let it rob you of living.