Thursday, December 15, 2011

I'm still here!

It seems lately I have been neglectful of blog-land. There's been so much going on. With my new job I'm unable to access the internet much. Because I work for such a secure company it's hard to get on the internet, even at lunch, which is when I would do most of my blog reading. :-( And by the time I get home, I'm beat and have a million other things to do.

But all is well here. Lauren is doing well. Peanut is due to arrive on June 5. LW and I actually heard the heartbea0t last month. In Jan Lauren will find out what she is having, and once she does, let the shopping begin!

Kassidy is growing like a weed every day. Every time I see her she is taller. She made level 3 honor roll recently, so we are so thrilled and proud of her. She is really working hard this year.

LW is still super busy with basketball.

And me, well I'm busy holding down the fort at home, learning my new job and meeting new people. Everything is going well.

I hope each of you have a Merry Christmas and a joyous holiday season. I wish each of you nothing but the best in the new year.

Until then....

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Quick Update

Things have been a little hectic around our house. Between work and everything else I haven't had time to read blogs or update my blog. I'll do a quick run down before I head to bed for the evening. It's been a log week.

- The new job is going great. I am loving it more than I dreamed possible.

- Kassidy made the travel volleyball team for Spring. We are so happy for her.

- Lauren and the baby are doing well. LW and I got to hear the heart beat on Monday and it melted our hearts.

- LW is busy with basketball as usual.

All in all we are all doing great. Just trying to stay focused.

I want to take the time to wish each of you a Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you will be able to spend it with your family and friends. We will be having Thanksgiving breakfast with my family at our house and dinner at LW's sister's house. I can't wait to see the families and spend time with them.

Holiday Blessings!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Grandma

At the ripe old age of 38 I am going to be a grandma.

Shocked you say? Well, join the club.

LW's oldest daughter, who is 20 (will be 21 in April), announced to me last week that she is pregnant. It's hard to be overly joyful about this given her age, but in due time, we will all be super excited to have a baby in our life.

She had her first ultrasound yesterday and baby and momma are healthy. Lauren is due June 8th.

While we all know it's early, we are hopeful that she remains healthy for her pregnancy. So far she's been super responsible. You have to wonder, because sometimes at their age, responsibility goes out the door. But she's been eating well, taking care of herself and asking questions if she's not sure of what to eat, what to take, etc.

Poppa W (LW) has been a little in shock, but he talked to her last night and told her "there's nothing I wouldn't do for you, all you have to do is talk to me."

This will be a very trying journey for me as I will be faced with my own saddness over not being able to have my own children. I am going to have to put my feelings aside to help Lauren through her pregnancy. Already she's asking questions that I couldn't possibly ever be able to answer....like "will it hurt to have the baby", "should I feel this way".

But regardless, we will all get through this as a family. We will find happiness. And where there is disconnect with us a family, hopefully the baby can bridge that gap.

We've had one heck of a year so far, and the next year is going to prove to be just as crazy.

Please if you're a Facebook friend of mine, do not post anything about this. Our youngest daughter doesn't know yet. Lauren is telling Kassidy this weekend.

Stay tuned for what lies ahead!

Friday, October 7, 2011

Tastefully Simple

I've started a new part time gig to earn extra fun money.

I have decided to become a Tastefully Simple Independent Consultant! And I love it. If you've never heard of Tastefully Simple it is a home taste testing company that offers products that only need about one or two additional products mixed in. You can make drinks, soups, dips, breads, desserts and so on.

Super easy!

So if you have Facebook friend my fan page!

Or if you ever want to place an order, here is my website.

I'm looking forward to seeing how this will work out for me. So far so good.

I've closed two shows and have three in the next month! How's that for a successful start?

Have you ever tried Tastefully Simple? I'd love to know!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

New Job

After 9+ years I have resigned my position with my company and will be moving on to a different phase in my life. I accepted a role with a local company that is very involved in our community.

I will continue to work with the IT applications that I work with currently, but I will be in more of a leadership position. I'm super excited and nervous as this all happened really fast. I had interview LAST Friday. On Sunday I was offered the job (who offers someone a job on a Sunday?). By Tuesday I was filing my resignation with my company.

My last day at work is October 20th and my first day at the new job is October 24th.

I'm really excited for this new adventure.

I will try to continue to blog but I'm sure they will be few and far between (more than they are now!). I do read your blogs even though I haven't always commented.

Looking forward to the next phase in my life!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Kitty Update

I am happy to report that my little man is back to normal. :-)

I'm wondering if he just had a case of the flu or something, as we all get sick, pets included.

He's jumping, running, playing.....so I thinking he's going to be alright.

I'm hopeful that he will make it another two years. Boots is just so special to me.

Thank you for all of the kind words. :-) The kids are happy and so am I!

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

My little man is sick.

Last night while I was sitting there putting some things together and working on the computer, I noticed my oldest cat had not ventured out to greet me upon my arrival home. Thinking nothing of it, I wandered the house looking for him, with the younger cat in tow, crying and carrying on. Eventually I found my little man, curled up under my bed struggling to breathe.

I quickly pulled him out and began assessing him. Surely nothing could be wrong because one week to the day he had been to the vet for his annual vaccinations and his senior blood work. And all of his blood work came back normal.

Eventually I calmed down enough to call my husband and tell him he has to come home as soon as he can because we have to get Boots to the emergency vet. By the time my husband arrived, Boots could hardly stand up, his eyes were rolling in the back of his head, and his tongue was hanging out.

After what seemed like the longest drive ever to the emergency vet, he was half heartedly diagnosed with asthma. The vet is bordering on heart disease, but since his blood work came back clean the week before she's hoping that it's just asthma. So after two x-rays, Lasix, medicine and breathing treatments, three and half hours later he came home...at almost 2am.

Needless to say we are exhausted as we both had to come into work just a few short hours later.

I wish I could say I had happy news, but Boots is hanging on. He has two meds that I have to give him and if those don't work then we have to get him some additional help of some kind.

My heart aches to see my little man in such a sad state. He's 13 years old, which is relatively old in human years. He's a fighter though and I pray with all that I have that he overcomes this and we can find the best course of treatment for him. I've had Boots since he was weaned from his Momma so it will be emotionally draining for me the day I have to let him go.

If you have room on your prayer list, send up a little prayer for Boots. He's been such a wonderful companion these last 13 years. Life without him would never been the same.

Monday, August 29, 2011

A very special gift.

We received many thoughtful and beautiful gifts (along with money and gift cards) for our wedding, but none stood out, or made me tear up, as much as the gift from a fellow blogger, LaVoice.

I think it was about a week or so before the wedding when a little box showed up on my doorstep. Inside of that box was a beautiful picture frame in the colors of my livingroom. As soon as I opened it I knew right away which picture I was going to put in it. I just didn't have the picture printed yet.

Finally this past week I got around to ordering my wedding (ahem and engagement) pictures. There proudly displayed on the table behind our couch amoung my other treasured photos is this:





I'll forever be grateful for the friendship I have found with LaVoice. Just knowing her makes me want to be a better person. And of course her niece is pretty awesome as well. :-)

Thank you LaVoice! You'll never know how much your gift means to me. I will treasure it always.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Happy Birthday LaVoice!

I want to send out a special birthday wish to my blogging buddy LaVoice. She has been such a wonderful lady to get to know. If you want to stop by and send your wishes I know she'd be so happy.

LaVoice has been like a grandmother to me. I never really got to know my grandparents so it's been such a lovely treat getting to know her through her blog. And as soon as my wedding/engagement picture arrive(ordered them yesterday), I will show you the lovely picture frame she gave us as a wedding present. It goes so wonderfully with our living room.

Happy Birthday dear LaVoice! May you have many more years filled with love and sunshine! You deserve only the best!

Friday, August 5, 2011

Life as Mrs. LW

Since we've returned from our honeymoon we have been extremly busy. We've had gifts to put away, thank you cards to write, volleyball camp, basketball camp, visits with friends and family, birthdays, funerals, doctors visits and everything in between.

I love being a wife. More importantly, I love being LW's wife. I have fallen more in love with him than I ever dreamt would be possible. I miss him when he's not with me, but I do cherish the alone time, and often drift off wondering what he is doing or thinking.

I love being a step mom (or bonus mom as another blogger put it). I love knowing that my girls love me and do need me in their life. And I love being there for them. I love hugging them, telling them I love them and that I am proud of them, I love talking to them, I love spending time with them.....I just love having them in my life.

More recently we had a situation where I had to be there for Kassidy because LW was out of town in Arizona on business. He asked me if I could pick up Kassidy from volleyball practice and be there when they announced who made the cut to be on the team. I'm sad to report that our little spitfire did not make the team. As she was told she didn't make the team her beautiful hazel eyes looked over at me with saddness. My stomach cringed. I needed LW to be here so we could hug our daughter and remind her that we are still so very proud of her. As she walked over to me she collapsed into my arms. I told her I loved her and I was so very proud of the effort she put forth. Not a lot of comfort I know, but at least she knows how I feel.

It was hard to be there for Kassidy without LW but I was honored that LW had confidence in me that I would do the right thing had Kassidy gotten the bad news. It wasn't easy for him to listen to his baby crying on the phone. She sobbed like I have never seen her sob before. My heart hurt for her and I wanted in an instant to make it better for her. Feeling that way reminded me, step or biological, I am Kassidy's (and Lauren's) mom. Just in a different way.

I finally absolutely without a doubt....love my life...to it's fullest. I can't wait to see what's ahead!

Friday, July 22, 2011

Professional Wedding Pictures

I'm beyond thrilled with our amazing photographer. He captured the true spirit of our wedding day and I couldn't be happier. There was so much love and happiness on that day. It's wonderful to see our love and happiness shine through in our photos.

Below is a sneak peek at some of our photos. We don't have them back yet, but these are the few that I was able to snag from his FB.

All photos were taken by Jeffrey Horvath Photography.

I don't know how he made this picture so cool. He took this picture of our flowers while they were sitting on the desk in the hotel room!


I love this cute picture of us kissing right before we were to get into the limo and head to the ceremony.


One of my favorite pictures of us!


The new Mr. and Mrs. LW.


Us girls with our varying colored dresses and shoes.


This was taken right as I had seen LW for the first time.


I love this picture of both of our families and bridal party.


This was so fun to take! We are throwing skittles (my favorite candy) in the air!


My new daughters.


Priceless.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

My first married post!

I am officialy Mrs. LW. Life is perfect.

The wedding was amazing. There were tears shed, memories made and in the end, a family was joined together as one. It was a perfect day; minus the thunderstorm of course.

All day it rained. And when I say rain, there was more rain than the entire state of Rhode Island. That rain was accompanied by thunder and lightening....insert....there goes the outdoor wedding and outdoor pictures. But a mere forty minutes before I was due to walk down the aisle, the clouds parted ways and the sun came out. Fortunately we were able to have some professional pictures taken outside (I had a back up plan for inside a hotel, so I know we got some great shots!) and I was able to have the outdoor wedding I had spent a year dreaming about.

I cried when I listened to LW read his vows and I cried when I read mine. It was emotional, and beautiful and everything I wanted it to be. It was perfect.

I do not have the professional pictures just yet but I'll leave you below with some pictures that friends had taken of us.

Thank you for all of your kind words over the last year. It's been such an amazing journey. I can't believe the planning phase is over and that we are now able to build a strong foundation of marriage and show the girls what it truly means to be a family. I look forward to growing old with LW and watching our daughters become mothers some day. My life really feels like it is just beginning. And I cannot wait!



Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Signing Off

Well this is my last official post before becoming Mrs. LW. It's been quite a journey for us.

I have written my own vows, though not as beautiful as perhaps others have written, but none the less they mean something to me. I think I may need to tweak them a bit, but we'll see. I'm always so picky when it comes to stuff like that!

I'll be gone for a good bit of time, so I'm not sure how much blogging or blog reading I'll be able to do. My Dad flies in tonight from Las Vegas and will be spending a few days with me before heading to my brother's while I'm away on a honeymoon. After the honeymoon he'll come back and spend some time with me.

I'll try my best to pop over and say hello to everyone, but if I don't, please have a very nice few weeks!

Looking forward to catching up when I return!

Monday, June 13, 2011

Surprise Package

Saturday afternoon I arrived home to a sweet little surprise on my doorstep. Of course I was giddy with excitement because what girl doesn't want to open presents? As I started to tear away the tape I realized that the gift was from a very special person in my life. I peeled away the tissue paper and made my way to the treasure inside. And as I got closer to the precious gift, I teared up. I thought about how special this gift really is and what it truly means to me. It's not about the cost of the gift. It's about the special person I will think of every time I see it.

A fellow blogger, Lavoice, who is very much like a Grandmother to me, sent LW and I the most beautiful glass picture frame as a wedding present. I'm not sure if she knows this or not, but the picture frame is in the colors of our living room.

As I stood in my kitchen with the picture frame craddled in my hands, I thought about how wonderful the power of the Internet truly is. It brings people together, who might not have ever happened upon each other.

I'm so grateful to have Lavoice in my life. I will treasure her always. I only hope that one day our paths will meet in person.

I promise to shares photos of the frame as soon as I can. If you know me, you know that I'm a little slow with posting pictures!

Thank you Lavoice for your contiuned love and support. You are truly an angel to me. I will treasure you always!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Single Digits!

I am down to 9 days until the wedding on June 18th.

That's all. :-)

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Counting Down

So sorry to have not been around much lately. I keep trying to get here to post and to read blogs, but I'm just 'that' busy.

Since my last post:

I had a birthday.

I had my final dress fitting.

I met one last time with my florist.

I have been working on my lollipop creation for escort cards.

I have painted picture frames to be placed on the mantel in the reception area.

I finalized all of the important music for the reception.

I approved the program layout.

I finalized the cake.

I had a hair trial which ended up in me finding an alternate solution for my hair.

I had the air conditioner in my house break which resulted in it getting above 89 degrees in my house for two days.

And.....realized my crinoline under my dress isn't going to work because apparently I have too much back fat.

There you have it.

As you can tell I've been super busy so I apologize in advance if I haven't gotten to your blog. I do intend to try to. Sometimes I read and don't post, but know I'm thinking of you!

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Engagement Photos

We were finally able to have our engagement photos taken. We had some done in October and it was cold and rainy and I hated how they turned out, so about a month ago we met with our photographer and he did a re-do for us. I can't tell you how pleased we are with the results. Looking at these photos makes me fall in love with LW all over again. He's my soulmate; the love of my life.

Below are some of my favorite shots.




Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Ack

I'm here! I have 24 more days to go!

I've been trying for a week now to upload my engagement pictures but for some reason they are not loading. I'll try again once the photographer sends the CD.

All is well.

Just super busy!

Monday, May 16, 2011

33 Days

I have that many days until I walk down the aisle to say "I Do". My coworkers have encouraged me to write the number of days 'left' on the whiteboard in my office. And every morning a coworker comes to my desk to see how many days I have left. God love her.

We are pretty much set. Just tying up some loose ends and making final payments.

What I can't wait for the most is the time I will have with my Dad and alone with LW. I'm looking forward to the honeymoon and I'm looking forward to having my Dad here with me and my brother. My brother or his children haven't seen my Dad since 2006. Looking forward to some family time.

I actually have June 16th through July 5th off from work. :-) Jealous? :-) That's the longest I've taken off of work, without counting surgery, because we all know that having surgery to get out of work is NO fun.

But who's counting, right?

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Mother's Day

It was an especially hard day for me for several reasons.

I tried really hard to have a great day. I woke up feeling good. Feeling like it was going to be a beautiful day. The sun was shining, I could hear the birds chirping, so I sat at the table, alone and had breakfast. Lauren was staying the night elsewhere, LW was still in bed from a long night out with the guys, and Kassidy...well she sat on the couch avoiding me. When I would talk to her she wouldn't really respond, so I left her alone. As I was sitting there eating alone I thought about all of the Mom's out there who were waking up to their children making them breakfast in bed. How glorious would that be if someone cared enough about me to make me feel like a queen for a day.

As I sat there I scrolled through my Facebook and saw where Kassidy had been posting Mother's Day wishes to her friends Mom's...saying how much she loved them and appreciated them being in her life. My heart sank. There I sit...alone, while Kassidy is in the other room sending messages to her friend's Moms, feeling like I'm the most unappreciated person in the world.

How should one feel? I try my best to provide her with love and support. And in turn at the very least, I would hope she could look at me on this most important day and say "Thanks for being a good Mother figure to me." But nope. I got the cold shoulder.

So I cried as I walked upstairs (by this time LW was up and hasn't even acknowledged me), crawled back into bed and wondered why I try so hard to give these girls everything when clearly it doesn't seem appreciated. Yes I know they have Mothers, but is it so hard to say thank you to me? I don't need a gift or a card. Just saying thank you would have worked.

All day I laid in bed or on the couch while LW and the girls were off to their Mother's Day celebration at their Grandmother's. It was a very lonely, sad day. I missed my Mom. I hated the fact that I had to face intertility practically alone. I was angry that the girls (mostly Kassidy) don't think of me the way I think of them. I feel like I give and give and give, and they all take, but clearly no one is giving to me. My spirit was crushed.

I do hope that every one of you had a wonderful day spent with family and friends. In Ohio it was a glorious sun shiney day. The first day in awhile where we hadn't seen rain all day.

Friday, April 29, 2011

One month, two weeks and six days

until I'm Mrs. LW.

May 5th is the anniversary of our engagement so just incase I do not get a chance to blog, here is a picture from that very day.



I still get goosebumps when I think about that evening and how much it meant to both of us to be surrounded by friends.

I still get goosebumps when I see him for the first time after a long day at work.

And I still get goosebumps when he kisses me.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Candy, glorious candy!

These little beauties, all 140 of them, arrived on my door step on Friday:



Can you just say, heaven?

I've honestly never tried one before, but I can't wait to sink my little chompers into one. However, these little bad boys are for the wedding.

I will be trying to replicate this:



I can't wait to share with you how they turn out. I am slowly starting to get them put together. At first I was going to have a kind of lime green bow, but now I am changing my mind and leaning more towards the pink. Since our invites are pink and orange.

Stay tuned on how they turn out. I can't wait!

Monday, April 18, 2011

Two Month Mark

Folks we are officially two months away from me getting married. :-) It's amazingly scary! There is so much excitement and love this time around. The girls are happy, I'm happy, LW is happy....we are all just anxious for the day to arrive. And for the first time...I'm really nervous.

I wrapped up some last minute decisions last night and I couldn't be more thrilled. The lollipops for the favors/place cards have been ordered and the hotel for the night before and the night of the wedding has been booked.

And in big news...the invites hit the mail box Friday afternoon!!! Many of our friends have already received their invites. We must have super quick mail delivery in Ohio! I'll try to capture a good picture of our invites to share with everyone. My friend Julie M made them and she did an AMAZING job. I couldn't be more thrilled with how they turned out. I'm receiving countless comments on them.

There is only one last detail to wrap up and that is....my wedding ring. I can't find anything at all. Truth be told though, I haven't looked in over a month. I do plan on getting back to the store in the next couple of weeks though. It's time I made a decision. :-)

Dress alterations should begin shortly....and then all will be well.

It's coming...faster than I could have ever imagined and I just.can't.wait.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Wedding Tidbits

I have been getting lots of questions from bloggers on this and that pertaining to my wedding. In an effort to answer everyone I'll do a quick post and throw in a few questions and answers I think you may have. :-)

~ We are not telling anyone what song we are walking in to at the reception. We want it to be a surprise and be something that completely identifies with the people we are. We told the girls one thing, and will surprise them with another.

~ We are serving amish chicken, salad, bread, fresh veggies, meatless pasta and garlic potatoes.

~ It is an open bar. :-) Lord help us because some of our friends like to drink.

~ My dad is walking me down the aisle.

~ There will be some kind of rememberance of my Mom at the ceremony. Whether we write something up in the program or whatever, but we will do something. LW's father passed away in a terrible car accident when LW was 1 so we'll also be remembering him also.

~ Kassidy and Lauren will be walking back up the aisle with us after we are announced husband and wife. I want us to all be holding hands.

~ LW and I will be seeing each other before the wedding. We will most likely see each other for the first time at the hotel the girls and I will be staying at the night before.

~ The girls and I are staying at a hotel the night before and LW will be staying at the house. A limo will pick him up and bring him to me at the hotel, where we will meet for the first time. The limo will then take us to the park where we had our first official date for our bridal party pictures.

~ My something old will be my Mother's wedding ring from my Dad.

~ My something blue will be an old garter that was my Mother's. She wore it on her wedding day to my Dad.

~ My something new will be the earrings that LW is going to buy me as a wedding present.

~ My something borrowed.....well I don't have that one yet. I'd like to borrow something special from someone, but I don't know what? Ideas?

~ I will without a doubt cry when I see LW for the first time. I cannot even begin to tell you how deep my love for him is. I feel this special connection. And to this day, I STILL get butterflies when I see him at glance at me.

~ I am changing my last name, even though I really and truly do not want to. The girls really want me to so I have said that I would.

~ The table names at our reception are going to be some of LW's favorite basketball teams.

~ Our favors and place cards are going to be Whirly Pops (big lollipops). They are going to look like flowers coming out of some fake grass.

I think that's about all I can think of at the moment!

I can't wait to see it all come together. It's starting to become all so real!

Monday, April 4, 2011

Matron of Honor

I finally have a picture of my Matron of Honor's dress. It's such a beautiful shade of pink and will look totally amazing on her.

I can't wait to see all four of us together with our bright, fun colors.



On a side note, our wedding invites have arrived so I spent some time this weekend working on them. In a couple of weeks they will be going out in the mail. It's hard to believe that as of today I am 11 weeks away from being Mrs. LW.

The last major item to purchase is my wedding ring. I just can't decide what I want. I'm hoping in the next couple of weeks I'll be able to find something!

Friday, April 1, 2011

A difficult moment.

They say with time the past becomes easier.

What I can say is you never forget, if even for a brief moment you are reminded of a loved ones passing.

Last week my beautifully talented niece played a part in her school musical. One of my proudest moments as an Aunt because I too loved to be on the stage in front of everyone showcasing my talents.

It is always a trek to my brother's house. He lives an hour away and while that's not far, it's a boring drive. It is however one of the many things I enjoyed doing with my Mother. I always picked her up for my niece's and nephew's school functions. We would talk until we couldn't talk any more and just laugh like no one was listening. We had some of the best conversations in our hour drive.

Sunday rolled around and as I was showering I had an instinct to call my Mom and ask her if she would like to ride with me to Kendra's musical since LW had basketball that day.

After three years, I STILL feel the urge to pick up the phone and call her.

I thought that would go away.

All it does is make you sad, and remind of you of things your loved ones are missing out on.

It hurt.

And if only for a moment, I could hear her voice say "I'll be in the lobby waiting on you."

I can still see her sitting out front of her assisted living community, on a warm summer day, dressed in her mismatched clothing, with her glasses changing colors with sun, smiling and telling everyone that her daughter is coming to pick her up for this or that. And as I would get out of the car to help her into it, her friends would say "I've heard this or that about you."

So as I made that drive to my brother's....alone...with the sun shining in my face, I could see a glimpse of her sitting in my passenger seat (I still have the same car), smiling at me, telling me about all of her latest adventures, I am reminded, just how much I truly miss her face...her voice...her laugh...her cry....her hugs.

For today will never be the same without her.

But there's always tomorrow.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Lauren's dress is in!

I'm so excited that all of our dresses are finally in. SHEW I was beginning to think that Lauren's would never come in. We ordered her dress a week before Kassidy's and Kassidy's dress came in easily a month ago.

Lauren is going to look so beautiful in her dress.



Oh a scary note, I ended up needing to order Kassidy's shoes for the wedding and because I had to do so, her shoes will not be in until May 15th! I'm grateful I ordered them when I did because we could have seriously been cutting this a little close.

Next up is finding rehersal dinner clothes for all of us. :-)

Less than 3 months away.

That's crazy talk!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Tuxedos

Over the weekend I finally convinced LW that he needed to go pick out his tux. He has been stalling for quite some time. Not sure what his delay was other than...."well what happens if I lose weight". People...he's skinny to begin with. He doesn't need to lose weight. But he has this freakish feeling that he may drop another 10/15 pounds before the wedding. I calmly told him...if that happens, we'll go back in and have you measured. No big deal.

With that said we were on our way.

He struggled with what to get. Two buttons? Three bottoms? BLAH BLAH BLAH So many choices! He appeared to be overwhelemed.

Finally he settled on this tux....with a cream shirt.



However when it came to picking out the vest and tie (no bow tie) colors, I got free regin. He seems a little disappointed in my color choices, but hey...it's a bright, fun wedding!

LW will be wearing this color vest and tie to match my dress:



The best man will be wearing this color vest and tie to match the matron of honor's dress:



I wanted my dad to match Lauren's dress (purple) but I couldn't find a different patterned vest and tie. I wanted all of them to be in a different vest and tie. In order to do that, I had to put my dad in a vest and tie that matched the color of Kassidy's dress:



It's hard to tell from the pictures, but all three vests have a different pattern. The fabric is the same exact match to the bridal store where I purchased my dress. Apparently they are 'linked in' together.

I'm so excited to see how it all turns out.

It finally feels like everything is pulling together nicely. And for that I couldn't be happier!

Next up..... booking the limo!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Ceremony and Reception Site

I finally have pictures of the location of our ceremony and wedding site. A couple of weeks back we met with the event planner and while we were there I was able to snap some pictures.

The first picture is of our ceremony site. Pending any rain, we will be married outside. On either side of the cement aisle will be beautiful white chairs. In the center of the arbor will be a small round table drapped in orange fabric with a large spray of tropical flowers. We'll also have our sand ceremony kit at the alter as well. The steel drum will be playing off to the side (not part of the picture) and of course the trees will be in full bloom.



For the reception we will have white chairs with white table clothes (as shown) but we'll have colored napkins (lime green, pink, orange and purple) and the centerpieces for the table will be tropical flowers. The far left corner will be the cake which will sit on a round table with an orange overlay. To the center is the dance floor and to the right will be the DJ. The bar is off to the left behind me when I took the picture as well is the entrance.



So far it's all coming together nicely. This weekend LW is picking out his tux so I can't wait to share that with you.

It's funny how my blog is turning out to be all about the wedding. After the wedding, I wonder what I will blog about!?!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Friday, March 11, 2011

Wedding Ring

Recently I had ordered LW's wedding ring online. Never in a million years would I think to order a ring online, but I had a couple of friends who had done so, so I thought we would try it out, since LW is not too picky about what he wants.

We went with a titanium ring 7mm ring with a small round diamond in the center. I couldn't be more thrilled with how it turned out.



My only complaint is, we tried on various titanium rings at the jewelry store and of course we used the sizers that the ring company sent us. When the ring arrived it wasn't quite as snug as we would have hoped it would have been. We talked about sending it back, but LW was worried about if he gains weight when he gets older what would happen since they can't resize the ring (guess he's sentimental like that). So we opted to order these rubber ring sizers that fit inside the ring. Pretty snazy.

When I asked him what he thought, he said he loved the ring but that it felt 'weird' having something on that finger (or his fingers in general). The man is 45 years old...never been married, never worn jewelry, won't wear a watch, so I suppose it will feel weird. But a good weird as he said.

I love that man.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Help!

If you know of anyone who designs cute blogs send them my way...or if you know of a place to get a cute free blog layout, I'd like to know that too.

My blog is drab and boring and I need bright and cheerful and fun. :-)

Something more...me like.

Thank you everyone!

Monday, February 21, 2011

Happy 12th Birthday Kassidy

The baby of the house turns 12 today!!

I remember LW bringing her to dinner one night so I could meet her for the first time. She was 9 years old. Such a tiny little thing. She was so quiet and so scared. She was checking me out though. You know that look that says "I love my daddy so you better not steal him from me." I made sure though, to always include Kassidy and I have always made sure that the two of them have some alone time together.

And just this weekend, she begged daddy up and down to sleep with her. And no matter how much I wanted him to sleep with me (well that's a lie HA!), it's these times LW will never get back with her. So I encouraged him to sleep with her, if only until she fell asleep. He craddled her in his arms and off to sleep she went.

Here she is on her 10th birthday:



Here she is back in October:



She's just at 5 feet, which makes her almost taller than me! She wears a size 7 in women's shoes, so she's definately out grown me there.

My new saying this last year with the girls has been:

"I love you to the moon and back."

Apparently it's from a children's book. Who knew. I've always said it to LW, but I've just recently started saying it to the girls. It's my way of saying my love can not be measured.

She's a sweet, beautiful girl. While we do have work on her attitude; no one said raising children was easy, especially during those pre-teen years.

I hope Kassidy knows how very much we love her and how she is an important part of our family. I couldn't imagine not loving her.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Wedding Hair

It has taken me forever to decide on what I am going to do with my hair for the wedding. For those that don't know me, I have short blonde hair. I love my hair, but for the most part I can only style it one of two ways, and none of those styles include putting any kind of 'hair accessory' in my hair.

I knew right off I didn't want a veil.

I knew whatever I was going to use had to have bling, but have NO color since my dress,shoes and flowers are so colorful.

I've tried headbands....hated them.

I've tried tiaras....hated them.

I've even tried clip on flowers from the bridal store....hated them.

Then low and behold my friend Liz, found a vendor on Etsy that sold these beautifully handmade bridal hair flowers. I was estatic! I ordered it the very day she showed it to me.

I was so happy when it came in this week.



But when I tried it on, I hated it.

ACK

So I thought....maybe it's just how my hair was styled that day that was causing me to dislike it so much. Funny thing is, I had a hair appointment last night for a weave and cut so I thought I'd take the flower along. Low and behold, she placed that flower in my hair and instantly I could see myself walking down the aisle with that little piece of bling in my hair.

I fell in love all over again.

My hair lady even sent me a message this morning letting me know she had found the perfect hairstyle that would work perfectly with that flower.

All is well in the world again. :-)

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Some things just hurt.

I try not to complain and I really try hard to keep my woes to myself. But sometimes I just hurt. My heart has been heavy for some time now. I suppose I should go get help, but I'm too ashamed. I shouldn't be because I have asked for help before but for some reason right now, I just can't find the strength to ask for help. So I've been 'self medicating'. Not with medicine of course but with working out.

I've lost a total of 3.5 pounds since January. I am so beyond proud of myself. I'm arming myself with education from a dear friend's husband who is now my personal trainer. He's been training me since October, but I've sort of been a bad girl. Sure I've worked out when I'm not with him, but I wasn't exactly eating right. Now that I'm eating right the weight is coming off. And it feels fabulous and I look fabulous, but my heart still hurts. And to keep my heart from hurting I just workout and avoid people.

I suppose I should just spill what's going on, but it's another 'woe as me' story. Same old same old.

I want a baby.

I'm tired of hearing about my friends' children (not that I don't LOVE every stinking one of them to pieces), it just hurts. Like I get a stabbing, jealous sensation in my heart whenever I hear of something fabulous their child has done (which I'm equally as proud of). I just know that if I had a child of my own, they would be just as fabulous and do wonderful, exciting things. I want that joy of knowing that my child got straight A's on their report card, or that they were asked to the homecoming dance, or they made the basketball team, or they received first chair in band. I want that sense of pride that comes from watching your children achieve their goals.

While I love LW's girls to pieces, they just aren't what I would expect of my own children. I will support Kassidy and Lauren forever, and love them unconditionally, but neither child has drive or motivation. And both, have Mothers who support their unwillingness to push through and find their potential. Quite honestly, I'm exhausted from trying to help them; especially when they don't want it.

Lauren failed her first semester at college and is dating a boy who never graduated high school. She claims to want to do 'this and that', but never puts forth the effort to do so. It's all just a bunch of words.

Kassidy wants to be in volleyball, but doesn't want to commit to it. She'd rather stay home at her Mom's, in bed, on a Sat or Sun, and not commit to meeting new friends and hoaning her skills.

This kills me. I have so many hopes and dreams for them and because I'm not their Mother, and they don't see me as someone who can help them reach their goals, their dreams and potential go down the toliet.

I've tried encouraging them both but both ignore anything I have to say. I want so much for them it's unbelieveable how much my heart hurts from trying. It's like I want to curl up inside of myself and never talk to them again. And I regret a comment I made to LW last night saying "I wish they would have never came into my life." But it kills me. It is physically tearing us apart. I'm embarrassed by their lack of drive. And I'm embarrassed that LW hasn't tried harder to encourage them.

It's all just so overwhelming to me.

We talked more about adopting a baby. He's given me the go-ahead to research it, but I'm scared. Is it the right thing?

I've decided to take a 'break' from the girls. I will do what is necessary to meet their physical and emotional needs in the present, but leave everything else up to them. They have got to want something for themselves. I can't change their behaviours...as much as I have tried.

This is probably the most selfish post that I have ever written, but I need to just get it out. I love my family so much it hurts sometimes.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Wedding Fun

My dress finally arrived about two weeks ago. I can't believe it took me this long to post about it!

As you'll be able to tell, I love orange. Since this was my third wedding (don't judge please - my first husband and I had a great relationship just a bad marriage - we were together 11 years and my second husband, well let's just say we never made it to the third year of marriage and if I ever see him while I'm in my car, I'll run his hiney over!) I wanted something less traditional and more fun.

As you can see by all of the orange in the dress and the shoes I have accomplished just that.





I just hope it looks as fabulous on me as it does on the hanger.

Kassidy's dress also came in. I'm not thrilled with the dress at all. The color I love, the style I hate. But I left it up to her since ultimately she is the one wearing the dress. She will look beautiful in it regardless.



Lauren's dress isn't due in until the middle of April. GASP Apparently the style she choose is super popular. I even ordered her dress the week before I ordered Kassidy's. Kassidy's dress came in in one week exactly! But Lauren's shoes are in. I love the color and I truly hope she can wear these shoes! The heel is super high.



I need to have my MOH send me a picture of her dress. I'd like to show everyone her color. Stay tuned!

I hope all of the colors look fabulous together. I know it's probably a bit much for some people but being that I wanted a non-traditional wedding, I don't mind. My goal for our wedding is to make it as fun and light as possible. I want to share our day with those we love the most and those that mean so much to us. Being with our girls is the best gift of all.

Things are finally starting to come together.

We've changed our honeymoon from St. Lucia to Antigua. I can't wait! I just put the deposit down last week. We'll be staying at the Sandals resort on Antigua.

AHHHHHH doesn't it look relaxing??

Friday, February 4, 2011

Kassidy's Dress

I can't believe I haven't gotten around to posting Kassidy's dress for the wedding yet. Infact I'm such a slacker because the dress has already arrived!!! 11 weeks early!

I am really struggling with the dress choice that Kassidy picked. It's not my favorite but I really wanted her to love it since she's the one who has to wear it. Personally I wanted her in something a little more 'kid' like, but who am I kidding? She's almost 12 and acts like a 20 year old.

The dress she choose will be amazing on her though, as I don't think there is anything that child couldn't pull off with her slim figure.

Below is her dress....however her color is BRIGHT lime green.



This wedding is going to happen! I'm a little more than four months out...holy moly!

I still have

SO

MUCH

TO

DO!

I feel like I haven't had time to really sit and focus on the wedding since I've really been swamped at work. The time I have had to plan has been restricted but now that my project is 'live' at work, I'm hoping I can sit back and get things rolling. I do plan on ordering LW's ring today at lunch though.

I can't wait to share that with everyone as well. He's made a fine choice. Now if only we could find a ring for me! I'm very indecisive about what I want.

Guess I better get to cracking!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Lauren's Dress

First of all, thank you to everyone for your encouraging and kind words on my last post. I'm so blessed that my readers care enough to 'help' me through some of my most difficult moments. So thank you again! I appreciated it more than you know.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On to more positive things......

Lauren and I went out dress shopping last Saturday and I have to say, she picked such a beautiful dress. She will make an amazingly, beautiful bridesmaid.

Here is her dress, however she'll be wearing a very bright purple color.



We had a great time giggling, shopping, and having lunch together. It was nice that we got to spend alone time together and really bond and talk about life, school, work, dad, family, us, me.....everything.

I haven't known her as long as I have known Kassidy, because Lauren lived with her Mom in Arizona, so quite honestly, we've only been around each other since March. We've had our struggles, but in the end they have made us stronger and more appreciative of each other.

Friday I'll be taking Miss Kassidy in to purchase her dress, so stay tuned for what her dress looks like. She has two to choose from, so I'm curious to see what she decides on. :-)

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Tears

I've been a little emotional lately.

More so over the top than I usually am. And it took until just a couple of days ago to figure out why....I'm almost hitting my year mark of never being able to have children. On 1/20 it will have been a year since my hysterectomy.

And it is still unfair.

It still makes me cry.

I'm still reminded I will never have someone call me Mommy.

There will be no one to say "can you fix this Mommy".

No one to say "that's my Mom".

And every day a little piece of me dies. And every day a lot of me finds life completely unfair. For I will grow old with LW and never understand what it feels like to have him hold my hand when our child is born or to hear him say "she looks just like you".

I'm blessed in other ways and I know this.

But being blessed doesn't mean for a tiny fraction of a moment that I can't feel sorry for some of the things that have happened in my life. That I can't waive a fist in the air and scream "this isn't fair". Because it's not fair. Nothing about it ever was fair. And for those that tell me it's fair are those that can look into their baby's eyes at night and see hope, love, happiness. I will never have that opportunity.

My babies all died. And while I never got to hold their tiny hands, or kiss their sweet little faces, each of them lived inside of me, if only for a brief period of time. Each gave me hope. And one by one they each vanished right along with my hopes and dreams for them.

I'm grateful to have Kassidy and Lauren in my life, but it's not the same. It doesn't mean that I don't love them with all that I have though. I would give them the moon if I could.

My life isn't as I expected it to be but it's beautiful in other ways. I love my girls and I love LW. And that DOES matter to me. It's the things I'm missing out on that hurt the most.

Somehow, someway I'll find the strength to move on as I always do but for now I'm going to quietly think about what could have been.

Wedding Questions

Since I don't have any other fun news to report, I'll bore you with some wedding details. I've been asked many questions about the wedding details so I thought rather than respond to every request I'll post it here.....

Honeymoon - we are going to St. Lucia and will be staying at the Grande St. Lucian.
I can not tell you how badly I need this vacation. I'm beyond excited to go somewhere this amazing!



Date - we are getting married June 18th....Father's Day weekend.

Wedding Location - we are getting married outdoor under a beautiful arbor with a back drop of trees and a field of green grass not far from our home. The website does not have a picture of the arbor up yet as it is new. We were the second couple to book the arbor since it was built in August of last year.

Reception - will also be at the same place we are getting married, however it will be inside. 130 of our closest friends and family are invited. It's an italian style buffet.

Ceremony music - this I am most excited about as I just booked a steel drum! Yes a single steel drum, but it will be so beautiful!!

Flowers - our flowers are all tropical in nature....lots of oranges, yellows, purples and pinks. Not only is the flower shop doing the flowers for the ceremony but she is also doing them for the tables at the reception. I can't wait to see them!

Cake - is being done by someone I met on a local chat board. It is four tiers...one tier is lemon with lemon filling, another is chocolate with a chocolate raspberry filling, and the last two are yellow with a buttercream filling. All four tiers will have a different color ribbon the color of the wedding (lime green, orange, hot pink and purple).

Invites - are being made by a friend. They are turning out to be orange and pink with a black background. As soon as they are finished I will share. I've seen the prototype and love it! She is also making all of our table numbers, thank yous, etc.

Placecards/gift to guests - I have strugled with this, but we have opted for lollipops in the wedding colors. So we'll somehow attach the table number and the guest name to the lollipop. I can't wait to see how this turns out!

DJ - is a friend of the family and is free, so I can't wait. The song we are walking into is a secret as well as our first dance song. I'm trying to find a song for the girls to dance with their dad as a surprise to him.

Linens - our table clothes are white with napkins in the color of the wedding. Our cake table will be in orange though. :-)

Other than that, that's all I've got. I still have minor details to iron out, but the big stuff is done.

Stay tuned!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Tick Tock

I am seriously 5 months and 13 days away from being married!!! I wish I could say it was all finalized.

I'm struggling finding ceremony music. People I have contacted just want way too much money. Sadly I may have to cave though. I can't get married to people whistling as I walk down the grassy aisle (we're getting married outside). I mean I guess I could but that's not how I roll! I once went to a wedding where that happened and it was so TACKY.

But I digress.

Other than ceremony music I have pretty much secured everything else!

I've made my final decisions on the linens.
Flowers have been choosen.
Cake has been decided upon.
Invites are being made.
Dress is on order.
Photographer booked.
DJ is supposidly secured. Must check with LW on this as this was his only task!
Honeymoon is picked out...will be placing deposit down this week.

LW needs his tux and the girls need their dresses and we all need shoes, but the HUGE items are almost taken care of.

Now I'm hoping it all comes together nicely.

For a refresh...here is my dress......where it shows tan, I will have BRIGHT ORANGE! And of course I will not have a train.



Here is my MOH's dress....however her's will be in a bright pink color!


Lauren and Kassidy still have to pick their colors though. Kass wants to be in lime green and Lauren will be in a royal purple. We go at the end of this month to order theirs. With Kassidy growing so much I didn't want to chance ordering it too soon!

But soon it will all be over and I keep thinking what do I have to look forward to next? It's not like I'm going to have children.

So once the wedding is done I'm going to have to find something else to focus on...Kassidy isn't with us full time so I don't get to be a full time Mom. Lauren doesn't really need me because she's far too grown up. LW is always busy with basketball. So I guess now is my time to find something for me.

When I got divorced before I had to learn to live on my own again. So that took time. Then my Mom died so I spent a lot of time taking care of her prior to losing her. Then I started dating again. Then I had to learn how to be a Mom to someone else's children. Then I had to cope with knowing I could never have kids. Then I had a wedding to plan. And then...I will have to find something else to focus on.

Maybe it's time I take a class I've always wanted to take or craft more or work out more or find a hobby that consumes me when the family isn't around.

But I guess for now, I'll focus on making this wedding beautiful and making this time with the girls special. As for once we can all hopefully be...THAT happy family.