Friday, May 28, 2010

16 Years Ago

Today would have been my 16th wedding anniversary to my first husband.

ACK yes I'm one of those who has been married twice, going on a third time...but I can explain!

My first husband was an amazing man. We had such a beautiful relationship. I met him when I was 17, still in high school. He had graduated a year or two before me. We had met through a mutual friend and hit it off instantly.

We knew we were meant to be together...through good times and bad. We dated a little over three years by the time we tied the knot in a small ceremony....the sun was shining and it was warm out.

As we grew older, we grew apart. We were better friends than lovers. And eventually, shortly after building our first house together, we filed for divorce.....11 years together....8 of them married.

To this day we are still friends. He attended my mom's funeral almost three years ago, and even visited her in the hospital two or three days before she died. We often exchange emails to catch up on our daily life. He's happily remarried, with no children. I'm in constant touch with his brother and his family through Facebook. While my ex and I have emailed through Facebook we have yet to 'friend' each other on there. I just think it would be too weird, so neither of us have attempted it.

I never hated him and I never will. He was one of the best things to happen to me in my life. I treasure the special time we had together and will always remember that he loved me and I loved him. One would think we could have fixed what was wrong, but for some reason, in our hearts, we did what was best for us...parted ways, happily, never regretting one moment of our time together.

Now if you ask me about my bastard second husband, I'll tell you...he was a drunk, alcoholic, who physically abused me when he was drinking....who had the best family ever, but that was not enough to keep me with him. We dated three months before we got engaged....we were engaged 13 months, and married 2 years and 11 months by the time the divorce was final. Worst three + years of my life. He had the best family though....giving, thoughtful, hopeful, amazing. I was most sad to lose the relationship with his family. I just hope I never ever have to see that man again. I cringe when I think about how I actually thought I loved him. Pretty sad actually.

But I digress.

Today is a happy day for me. A reminder that there are good, amazing people in this world. A reminder that no matter the struggles, I can make it through anything.

If you're out there BT....thank you for showing me the way.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

I'm back.......

Vacation was a nightmare....a complete and total nightmare.

I'll start with the good stuff though.

Our plane landed. The end.

Seriously it was that bad. Not because of the company we held, or the location, but because LW and I got food poisoning. M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E

Our plane landed on Friday morning so we pretty much rushed straight to the mall to meet Lauren so she could get her makeup done and then it was on to her senior picture shoot. We spent two very long hours getting her pictures done, but I have to say, they turned out AMAZING (I have seen the proofs already and I cried my eyes out they were so good.)! Once I get them back I will share them with all of you.

Saturday we had to go back into Glendale to complete the photo shoot for her out door session. It was suppose to happen on Friday but there was a mix up with the photographer, thus the reason I got a 25% discount on her pictures! Score one for me. Most of Saturday though we spent tooling around Tempe. Neat area.

Sunday Lauren took Kassidy to her house and they swam and played together all day. LW and I had the condo to ourselves for the entire morning and afternoon and we took advantage of it. That was the best day we had the entire trip. It was relaxing and peaceful and we weren't sick....yet. Sunday night I met Lauren's mom, who was very nice to me and is SO BEAUTIFUL (what was LW thinking hooking up with me?). We conversated for a bit and then LW and I took Kassidy to play putt-putt while Lauren hung out with her friends at her graduation party.

Monday had us driving to the Grand Canyon (3 hours each way). Long drive, beautiful scenery. I think the kids expected more, but as always, I enjoyed it. The weather was cooler than I expected so we were grossly under dressed. The high was something like 64/66 that day and here we were in shorts, tanks, tshirts....hot AZ weather kind of clothing.

Monday night LW made dinner for Kassidy and I while Lauren went home to rest up for her big day on Tuesday. This would be the reason we were sick....but don't tell LW!

Tuesday was rough. We took Kassidy to the pool while Lauren was getting ready for her graduation. After swimming LW went to lay down while I fed Kass lunch. I ate but I was feeling pretty bad...stomach was crampy and I was feeling a little sick. We all rested and then changed for Lauren's graduation. LW said he was OK but felt kind of sick. Kass felt great. Mind you we all THREE ate the same thing Monday night.

We arrived to Lauren's graduation and sat with Lauren's mom and family. Kass on one side of me, LW on the other, Lauren's Mom next to Kass. Then as quickly as we sat down LW looked at me with sheer panic on his face and said "I don't feel well." He started sweating so much his clothes were soaking wet....and then he passed out. Out cold at his daughter's graduation!!!!! He saw her walk in and then bam....he was out. I'm slapping his face trying to wake him up and it's not working. Finally Lauren's mom ran over to help me because she is a nurse and skilled with this kind of thing. We got him awake and the paramedics took him away. He didn't want to go to the hospital so he stayed in the First Aid station at the arena and watched Lauren walk across the stage to receive her diploma. He was hooked up to all kinds of contraptions though....monitoring his heart because at the time we thought he might be having heart trouble. Ended up his blood sugar was too low from not eating pretty much all day. So I fed him, blood sugar went up, but he was still sick. This whole time I'm trying not to throw up because I feel bad.

After graduation we took the kids to their graduation dinner (Kassidy, Lauren, her boyfriend and a friend), where shortly after taking a couple of bites of food, I started running to the bathroom where I threw up all over the place. Insane!

So that my friends was our trip. Oh wait. There's more!

See after all of that, and after spending a painful night shitting (TMI I know) ourselves to death we had to roll out of bed on Weds afternoon and drive three hours to see my dad in Nevada!

Yup.

Stupid.

By Weds I was throwing up, crying, saying I can't drive to see my dad. And LW is doubled over in pain saying he can't drive.

We sat there and had to think about how we were going to get to NV because I had to see my dad. See my dad is sick and I honestly don't know how many more days I'll get with him, so it was important for me to see him. So I drove while LW and Kassidy slept. It was the most miserable three hours I have ever spent in a car. I would sip Sprite and much on corners of crackers.

Sad stuff.

Pretty much Weds through Sat we took turns getting sick and taking care of Kassidy. We had to remember that no matter how bad we felt, we still had an 11 year old who needed to eat, and needed entertainment. She didn't know my dad so I didn't feel like I should send her to hang out with him. There were some moments however where we felt okay enough to get out.

I took Kassidy to Oatman, AZ one day to see the donkeys. And on Friday the entire family drove to Lake Havasu to see an old elementary friend of mine whom I hadn't seen since I was in the 4th grade (thank you Facebook!).

But other than that the remainder of the trip was a bust. No energy to really gamble, although I did and lost. No engery to walk through town to see the different casinos. No energy to do any hiking. No energy what so ever.

It was truly sad. My dad was understanding and honestly he took great care of us to the best of his ability.

I'm glad I gathered my composure to go see my dad though. He's doing poorly. He can't see and was moving so slow. I felt like I was watching him die...just as I had my mother. I know I don't have much longer with him....like maybe another year or two if I'm lucky...so I did the right thing, no matter how crappy (no pun intended!) I felt.

So that my friends is my ridiculous trip. I'll post pictures as soon as I can.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Toodels

This is my last post for a week or so.

I'm outta here!

Friday morning at the crisp hour of 6:02am my plane leaves from Ohio headed to the sunny state of Arizona. In tow will be Kassidy and LW. The occasion you may ask? Lauren graduates high school!

I know I'll be one of those proud momma's sitting in the stand crying my eyes out. I've only personally met Lauren in March, but I've dated her daddy for over two years and as of last week, I'm engaged to her dad. Even before I met Lauren I knew I loved her. I had her pictures proudly displayed all through the house even beore I laid my eyes on her pretty smile. Soon she will be my daughter so rightfully so I'm allowed to shed those tears. I'll probably cry more when Kassidy graduates though, because I will have spent longer time watching Kassidy grow up into a young woman. Lauren has already grown into that beautiful young woman.

::wiping tears away::

While in AZ we plan to take the girls to the Grand Canyon, have a re-do session on Lauren's senior pictures, attend a BBQ in Lauren's honor, watch her graduate, and spend quality time as a family.

By the middle of next week, we plan to leave AZ and drive four hours to see my dad in Laughlin, NV. In Nevada we plan to pop over to Oatman, AZ to see the donkeys and visit Lake Havasu in AZ where I will connect with my elementary school BFF (thank you Facebook!). So I guess we aren't doing much in NV other than hanging out at the casino we are staying at: Don Lauglin's Riverside Resort. Believe me when I say this place is nothing like Vegas, but for my dad it's been his home for almost 19 years, so it's home for me too. I know my way around there with my eyes closed.

I'll do my best to get pictures loaded quickly upon my return. And I'll try hard to catch up on everyone's blogs. But in the mean time I hope everyone has a great weekend and week ahead...stay safe, stay warm and have fun.

::putting my sunglasses on, or if you're in Ohio today....my gloshes!::

Peace out friends!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Stressin'

Wedding planning is ridiculous.

I see now why LW just wants to go away. And quite frankly that's what we're doing. I'm waiting on a packet to come in from a resort in St. Lucia. I believe we will tie the knot in a beach ceremony in St. Lucia. We plan to invite about 50 people with the hopes that we have at least 6-10 people who would like to join us. We'd like more people to come, but we understand it's not a cheap vacation. We are thinking end of April, beginning to middle of May next year.

Once that's settled, we're thinking about what we would like to do at home. LW wants a party but last night when I told him how many people I had on just my list alone (149 people), he laughed and said maybe we should just invite a few people to the house for a cook-out....so that list may be getting cut. Of course close friends and family will be invited...it's those distance relatives and co-workers we can leave off the list.

I think the more I talk about it, the more I really just want to be married. It's not about the ring, the party, the wedding...it's about the four of us becoming a family. We have lots to figure out, and I pray that in my head I can get it all organized.

Why can't money grow on trees?

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Big News

I am….officially….ENGAGED!

LW popped the question last night in front of some of our dearest friends.

I think I’m still in shock. I’ve had a stomach ache since last night. It’s hard to eat, I couldn’t sleep…I have these giddy little butterflies jumping around in my stomach. Just a little bit ago I texted him to tell him that I am blowing off the gym tonight…because I just want us to go home and be alone. To celebrate in our own private way before we tell his entire family this weekend.

Giddy as a school girl!!!

I must say he did the most amazing job finding a ring to suite my personality. The ring is everything and more than what I would have selected for myself. Below is a picture, although the picture does not do it justice. The center stone (princess cut) is sitting on a bed of tiny antique looking diamonds with round stones going down the side and down the front and back, which are NOT visible in the picture.



The proposal came as a surprise. Sure I was expecting him to one day soon ask me to marry him. I just never expected it to be LAST NIGHT! There we were sitting at a Cinco de Mayo dinner with 18 of our closest friends….socializing, laughing….when all of the sudden LW dropped to one knee and without speaking a word the crowd of friends burst into clapping, tears, screaming, and the like. The entire restaurant came to a hault and they too joined in the clapping, whistling, and cheering! It was an amazing moment. I wouldn’t change anything.

I can honestly say there is something so wonderful about being engaged to LW. I feel like I’m on this tiny cloud of happiness. This is what saying ‘yes’ should feel like….this is what it feels like to be part of a real family…this is what love is suppose to feel like. It’s the most amazing feeling in the world.

After he proposed I called several really close friends who were not with me….I called family, I even called some of my closest co-workers. However, we have yet to tell the girls or his family. We plan to tell Kassidy tomorrow and call Lauren over the weekend. Then of course on Mother’s Day we will share the good news with his Mom and sisters. So please, if you are my Facebook friend, please do not post anything until I’ve posted about it. We are trying to get to as many family members in person as possible. As hard as it is to wait, I have to.

Happiness. I seriously am THAT happy.

This is my future…

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

::sigh::

So I failed big time last night!!

Just last week I ran 2.26 miles and walked 1.2 miles with a pace of 9:43 min/miles totally 3.46 miles. Well folks, last night I bombed it all.

I finished with....get this...10:45 min/miles.

What the heck? I ran 3.35 miles and walked .08 miles! What the heck??? I'm walking faster than I run.

I was so utterly disappointed last night that I wanted to throw the towel in and admit defeat. I can only think that the reason why I was so slow was because my legs are starting to feel like weights after the second mile. I hope this is normal. My breathing is crazy under control and I feel good there. It's just been hard to get my legs cranking on the third mile without walking. I'm sure the two Vanilla Waffers I ate before I ran didn't help either. :-(

So I hang my head in shame today. I know it's still an accomplishment, but I might as well have walked the whole thing if I'm going to post a time like that.

I'll try again on Saturday morning though. Tonight is a rest up day and tomorrow I'll be lifting weights at the gym and doing mild cardio on the elliptical.

I can't quit now, no matter how upset and disappointed I am.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Running

In the beginning of April(end of March actually) I started my journey to run a half marathon. By no means will I finish in the amazing amount of time that my friend Colleen (who BTW if you don't know her is an amazing athlete!) can run a half marathon in, but I must admit I have gotten so much better over the recent weeks.

I keep a log of everything I do from...what I do at the gym, to what I run at home, to how many minutes I sit in the sauna. I won't bore you with the mindless details that mean nothing to you, but I will say that I ran 69.69miles this month! May not seem like a lot to some of you athletes out there, but to me, it means that I didn't sit on my ass every day for a month; it means that I cared enough about my goal to work on it; it means I'm putting my health first for once; it means I'm 69.69 miles closer to my goal.

I'm proud of myself. It's not been an easy journey at all. I was born with a hip disorder which severly limits me from running every day and sometimes every other day. The pain from it can be excurciating thus the reason why I've been at the gym more, so that I can work through the pain on less harder cardio machines. If it wasn't running it would be something else causing me issues (heck even sitting on an airplane for too long can send me into pain). But I push through because I can..and because I want to achieve this goal. I also injured my knee in a rollarblading accident 11 years ago, so I've had to push through those issues as well.

But I'm kicking butt and taking names. And I'm proud!

Thursday of last week, for the first time since I was in my 20's, I ran for 2.26 miles....without stopping! I ended up finishing 3.46 miles in my best time yet...9:43 min/miles.

Amazing for someone like me struggling with old injuries.

But I refuse to let my injuries run my life. I've been monitoring my pain level though and if I feel like I can't do it, then I won't, but I certainly won't sit home. If I can't run, then I walk. If I can't walk, then I swim. There's no excuse to not exercise...I just have to find a different form of excersise every now and again.

My goal time to finish the half marathon in is in 2 hours and 45 mins. I want to be under the 3 hour mark. For some of you that may be cake, but for me, suffering from these injuries, it will be an amazing feat....a journey well worth taking.

Tonight I'll be going home and running my normal route which is 3.46 miles. So tonight I'm going to work on making it 9:35 min/mile. I can do it!!!!

Wish me luck! :-)

Monday, May 3, 2010

Happy Two Years

On Mother’s Day LW and I will be together two years.

It’s hard to believe it’s been two years…..because honestly I feel like I have known him forever. He’s my best friend. When I look at him I can’t imagine life without him. He’s everything I have ever wanted in a man.

He’s a great father.

He’s a good friend.

He’s giving.

He’s shy when he wants to be.

He’s outgoing.

He’s educated.

He’s attractive.

He’s funny.

He’s supportive.

He’s successful at his job.

It’s amazing how much two years has changed us. We went from dating, to living together, to being a family. I do not need a wedding ring to know that we are family. I love those girls like they are my own. I love LW like a wife would love her husband.

I never thought it would be possible to love him any more than what I already do. At night I’ll sit on the couch next to him, and not want to be anywhere else. No one understands me like he does. No one tolerates me like he does. And no one could love me as much as he does.

To celebrate (we had to celebrate early because we have Kassidy next weekend and of course it’s Mother’s Day) our two years together he took me to dinner at P.F. Chang’s and then we went to the Funny Bone and watched a crazy comedian hypnotize people. It was a fabulous evening.

I look forward to many more years with LW. I know I have found my Mr. Right. I feel it in my heart.