Friday, March 26, 2010

Lauren vs Arizona

Several people have asked why Lauren is in AZ so I’ll give you a little update since now I too finally have it all straightened out!

Lauren was born in Ohio. LW was never married to her Mom. They had just recently started dating, therefore Lauren was not planned. I won’t use the word mistake, because she is not a mistake, she was a surprise. And what a beautiful surprise (her baby pictures are so dag gone cute, but I digress).

LW was with Lauren’s Mom for a short period of time before she then started dating her now husband. As I’m told, Lauren’s Mom married a man who was in the military so they had to do a lot of moving and traveling across the country. LW did not want his daughter moving across the country and being uprooted so Lauren’s Mom and LW worked out an arrangement to where LW would raise Lauren.

So there LW was….a single father….raising a daughter.

Lauren was 5.

He probably wasn’t single for long before he started dating Kassidy’s Mom. LW and Lauren eventually moved in with Kassidy’s Mom and her son from her previous relationship/marriage.

Eventually Kassidy would be born when Lauren was 7. LW would never marry Kassidy’s Mom (to this day he has never been married) but they would be together until Kassidy was 8.

By the time Lauren turned 16 her Mom’s husband had retired from the military and they settled in Georgia. Lauren had to make a tough call…stay home with your dad, your sister, your family and friends, or move and be with your mother. LW was just splitting up with Kassidy’s Mom so I’m sure the decision wasn’t too hard.

She chose her Mom (LW to this day, still gets upset about. But he accepts it.).

However within a year Lauren was moving again because apparently the step-dad had not fully retired, thus prompting the move to Arizona her Junior year of high school.

And that my friends is why Lauren is in Arizona.

Her and I had a talk recently about why she left home because I was always so curious why a person would uproot themselves, especially at a young age. I was the only person I knew who had ever done that (I left home in New Mexico at 15 to move in with my older sister in Ohio. I left my parents behind for a number of years and for a number of reasons, but that’s a different story.). She told me she had always wanted to live with her mom because honestly what girl wouldn’t want to live with her mom? It’s a girl thing. Plus her mom gave her the freedom that her dad did not. Looking back she said she made the wrong decision. But she accepts it and realizes she can change her future. She’s one smart kid.

My advice to her recently has been: “Do what is right for you. Not what is right for your mom or your sister or your dad. Do what Lauren wants to do. Make the most out of this life you have because you have so many beautiful opportunities ahead of you. Life is too short to dwell on past mistakes. Forgive, forget and trudge forward with your head held high. Those who love you will support you.”

It’s funny how easy it is to talk to the kids and help them press on with their futures. I was 18 once. I remember how terribly scared I was. And how I didn’t know which way was up sometimes. But I always knew I had a mission in this life and that I had to take control and not let anyone tell me I couldn’t do it no matter how hard it was and no matter the consequences.

Right now we struggle with Lauren because of some personal internal issues and dilemmas she is going through. We can only make her see the light. We cannot draw her to it. She must find it on her own.

6 comments:

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

Girl, that was beautifully written and spoken like a person with a keen understanding. That's why Lauren loves you. You relate to what it is she is going through or has gone through. You have a heart for caring about what she feels and wants.

When my youngest was 18, she chose to go to Texas. She never had been out of state before....yet, I had to let her do this. She would've never have known whether it was a good choice or not, had she not gone there. Lauren also made a choice to live with her mom. From that experience, I'm sure she grew tremendously but also wanted to be back with her dad as well.

Now, it's coming full circle and if it happens that she will be there with you all, then, she will love the family that you all are. There, she will find security. (By the way, not wanting to write a novel, but she also realizes that dad is not as strict because you are the softening agent in their relationship.)

LV said...

I have never heard such mixed up lives as you are and have been involved in. You should give up your job and write books. Best sellers.

仲亨 said...
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Tooj said...

What an interesting story....and bizarre at the same time. There are so many paths to take in this life and everyone's is so very different. I think we forget that when we encounter personalities that differ vastly from ourselves. This story is a good reminder that we all need to keep in mind we never know exactly where another person came from....we can always ask, but unless we were present with them, we can't always understand the influences they encountered or the obstacles they overcame. :) Thanks for the good Sunday lesson.

ModernMom said...

Oh sweet girl. You are so strong and give that babe such good strong advice. She was meant to be part of your life. I loved reading this post....

Trisha R Jackson said...

You are such a great mom!