Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Menopausal

No one tells you that the instant you have a hysterectomy, how truly miserable you will be emotionally once you heal from the incision.

I feel pretty good physically. I'm getting around good. I'm driving. I'm walking better. I still struggle to find pants that fit without hit my incision site the wrong way. Thank goodness for sweat pants! I've lived in them for the last five weeks.

But emotionally I am struggling and I have ZERO reason to struggle. I've got great friends and family. And I'm surrounded by happy things and fortunate enough that once I heal physically, that I have nothing else wrong with me. But I hurt inside emotionally.

I cried for two hours on Sunday because I wanted so badly to go to card club but I didn't have the energy.

I cry because I can't sleep at night because I'm hot or cold. While the flashes have gotten better, I'm no longer on pain medicine that will knock me out at night when I sleep. So now I suffer.

I cry because I'm stuck home. We are down to one car at the moment and LW has to go to work...so I sit her surrounded by the same four walls day in and day out. I suppose it's a good thing because I would probably shop my tail off, which is something I shouldn't be doing.

I cry because I want to be outside, walking, running...anything, but I can't. There's snow everywhere!!!

I'm so tired of the emotional up and down. I want it to stop NOW!

I know things will get better once I can get out and get back to my normal routine.

I return to work next week on Thursday. I'm nervous and excited. I miss my friends at work, I miss feeling important, I miss doing something positive. Hopefully after my doctor appointment on Tuesday I'll be able to get back to working out. I actually enjoy the freedom that comes with working out...did I say that out loud?

Five weeks down...one week to go. Until next time.....

7 comments:

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

I know it's tough but you will feel so much better when you're able to get back into your typical routine (work included).

Unfortunately, the healing process is a bear. Plus, you have snow to deal with and not sunshine. Praying for sunshine for you soon so you can get out and walk a little.

Hugs to you!!

Julie said...

Hang in there, kiddo. The end is in sight.

Yeah menopause isn't all that fun. Welcome to my world!

Why are you still at one car? I thought that problem was straightened out by now??

Homesick Cajun said...

That's the one thing that they never prepare you for! Thank God my sister had a hystrectomy before me so she told me what to expect!

You're going to cry. You're going to go from crying to angry as hell in 2 seconds flat!

I took hormone pills for a couple of years but they just turned me into a very angry person! I didn't like who I turned into! So I quit taking them!

I have hot flashes, I have cold flashes and every now and then I get emotional but that's how it goes!

It'll level out soon for you! Best of luck to you! If you ever need to talk feel free to email me! If you'd like my email addy just leave me a comment on my blog and I'll send it to you!

LV said...

Time takes care of most things. But bearing the pain till then is hard to do. Getting back to work will be the best thing for you. The doctor can help with your flashes. Here I am 80 years old and wanted to have them so I could get warm. Guess what, I still freeze as I have never had one. Hang in there as it will get better.

Julie said...

I so wish I could give you some advice as someone that's been through it, but I can't even imagine what you're going through. It's been a hard road and the best that I can do is tell you that I'm here for you if you need me!

Anytime you want to get out, go shopping, grab coffee, and leave those boring 4 walls behind, just give me a ring!

Colleen said...

I know that there is nothing that I can say or do that will make you feel better. I'm hoping that time will heal your sadness and that it's not a long time! :) You are going through something that you don't have a ton of control over and that's got to be horrible. Please know that you are loved and I'm here if you need anything. Maybe getting back to work will help keep your mind off things!

gayle said...

My heart goes out to you!! Must be really hard!! Healing from the operation and dealing with the emotions!! Take care of you!!