Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I am home.

Menopause is for the birds! I suppose it's worse since I was forced into it and didn't get to gently glide right on into the hot sticky mess I have become. I'm hot, I'm cold, I cry, I pout, I feel lonely, I feel sad...I feel silly. I'm swollen like a beached whale. Nothing fits, though I haven't really tried real clothes on because honestly I can barely get my pajama pants over the incision and the swelling.

All went well though.

My surgery was delayed about an hour. When I finally went back it was all a whirlwind. No time to cry or feel sorry for myself. I had just enough time to kiss LW and my BFF goodbye before I was wisked off to never never land. When I awoke things were hurting like all get out. Thank god I was on a pain pump. Life would have sucked without one!

Once I made it to my room I cried when I saw LW. Not because of what I just went through but because of the look in his eyes. Recovery went on longer than they expected and I heard that worried him. I made LW go home that first night because I was really just in a sleepy mood. I vagually remember my brother stopping by with flowers, or a phone call from my friend Amy, or even my friend Chris stopping by. My breathing was labored through the night and I had to be on oxygen. Apparently I had stopped breathing a couple of times which set off a bunch of alarms. Who knew.

The next day was hell. I had everyone and their mother checking my incision, checking my vaginal bleeding and making me get out of bed. UGH The worst part! But I managed. The doctors had a hard time settling on pain meds for me as it seems I am allergic to the world. I ended up on Darovoset which turned out to be the death of me. I was fine in the hospital with the meds, but once I got home I was right back in urgent care with a horrid drug allergy.

I was no more than one day home when LW had to rush me to urgent care because my hands were swollen, my feet were swollen and my inner thighs were swollen...puffy, red, gross, itchy. Seems about the only pain meds I can take are Dilodid and Morphone. Go figure I'm a hard core girl. The urgent care prescribed delodid, which in pill form, outside of a hospital, is hard to find. I bet LW called 10 pharmacies before he found one that stocked the medicine. By that time I was screamining in pain.

As far as today though I'm better. Sore, tired, bloated, trying to do too much. Tomorrow will be a week since I have had surgery. I hate being down. This is NO vacation. I'm a ball of a mess. Not because I can no longer have babies, but because it's such an emotional process. This is the toughest journey yet I have had to face.

But LW has been so amazing! Infact he has been hovering. He went to work yesterday but I think he felt terrible so he stayed home today. On my first day home from the hospital he had gotten me Ugg slippers. Talk about an amazing man. Those slippers are the bomb when you're feeling down and out.

I'm so blessed to have found LW. Life is complete with him in it. I learned so much about how far reaching his love is. It's something special when you look into your partner's eyes and you can see the pain they are feeling when you are at your worst. He knew there was nothing he could say or do to fix the situation. But knowing he loved me was all I needed.

I should add that the worst part about the hospital stay was I was on the maternity floor, with my room being right across from the nursery. Hurtful, yes. Hard, yes. Hateful, I don't think so. I just think they wanted to keep me where my doctor was making her rounds, altough they could have put me at the empty part of the hall. But what's done is done. LW is none too happy about it though and has talked with the patient advocate about it at the hospital. So hopefully someone else will not have to go through what I did.

Anyway, this has turned into a book.

I'm home.

I'm going to be fine in time.

And I have the bestest friends (and some family - long story - my sisters forgot about my surgery) I could have asked for. Thank you for all of the prayers and support!


Liz said...

I am so very, very glad you found LW. I don't think there is a more perfect match for either one of you out there. I'm glad you're not going through this alone. ((hugs)) and let me know if I can do ANYTHING for you! I hope to see you Friday and Saturday!

LV said...

So happy to see a blog from little Danica again. So very sorry you have been through so much pain. If you can hang in, they say things will get better. I have several friends that have gone through that and it does take time.

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

Yay you got your Ugg slippers. The hints must've been perfect.

I have been thinking about you and praying that your surgery went well. Now comes the recovery and healing part. I hope that you bounce back quickly, especially since you have a sweetheart of a man to hover around and help you.

I'm glad that LW spoke with the patient advocate. That was a wrong move on the hospital's part.

Continue to feel better!

Tooj said...

I'm so happy to see a post from you. My mom went through a radical hyste nearly 3 years ago and it was a very emotional time for her as well. The physical changes that she hinted at sound exactly as you are talking, and I am sorry. :( I know some of how she suffered and I hope that yours doesn't last much longer.

Keep in touch with us while you continue to recover. Watch lots of good junky TV, and enjoy your rest if you can!

Mandy said...

Thinking of you lots! Is there anything I can do for you? We're so close...do you need me to run to the pharmacy or grocery store? Just let me know!

ModernMom said...

Oh sweet girl...what a rough road! I wish you a smooth recovery and pain pills that don't make you itchy and blotchy:) Big hugs.

Homesick Cajun said...

I'm so glad your surgery went as well as can be expected! I wish they would tell you what to expect afterwards...the hot flashes, the cold flashes, the crying!

Wishing you a speedy recovery!