Thursday, October 29, 2009

Marley came through surgery.

She is doing good. The surgery was long so she went into recovery around 10pm last night (she's at the Cleveland Clinic). She was moving her arms and legs which is a great sign. Let's keep praying that she doesn't lose her vision and that she recovers quickly and can get home and be a 9 year old again.

Thank you for all of your support!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

I'm all over the place!

Sorry my posts have been few and far between. I'm in my last week of school and the homework has been wretched. Thank goodness I'll be done on Monday and out until after the holidays. I actually cried on Sunday because the homework was more than I'm use to handling. Did I get old or what? I remember three years ago when I could take a class, work full time, had a husband, traveled, etc. Now I'm just O-L-D.

Things are well.

LW was accepted to do a Big Ten basketball scrimmage for Ohio State. He is OVER the moon and I couldn't be happier for him. Maybe one day you'll see my man on TV officiating a Big Ten game (GO BUCKS!). I'm so proud of him. The smile on his face when he told me was enough. It always is enough.

Friday I got to the doctor to find out if I have a tumor on my left ovary. UGH That ultrasound will determine if I have my hysterectomy this year or next. My goal is to have it in January so that I can get well before vacation in early May. Not looking forward to the surgery but I am looking forward to feeling better.

We went to a Halloween party last weekend. Will have to post pics. We had a lot of fun!

Today my brother's wife's brother's daughter (my extended family) is going in for brain surgery. It's a 9 hour process so we are patientaly waiting for any news. Word is she could be blind afterwards, so please please please pray with all that you have. Marley is such a good little girl and has a whole lot of life to live (she's 9).

For now that's what's been going on. I'm looking forward to some rest after school is over. It may take some convincing to get me back. I'm actually missing going to the gym more. HA

Happy Wednesday.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Miley Cyrus Concert and Kassidy's Halloween Sleepover

I'm so behind on posting pictures. ACK Leave it to we have so much going on and not enough time in the day.

So I'll start with posting the Miley Cyrus concert pictures. My BFF, Nichole and her daughter Victoria went with myself and Kassidy to the concert. We had 6th row floor seats!!! They were incredible. Of course I'm still learning how to use my Nikon D40 which is SO TRICKY and I can't really flip between the modes, so I set it on Auto most of the time.

The concert was actually good. I was suprisingly impressed!

Here are some of my favorite shots:










Last weekend I let Kassidy invite 5 friends over for a Halloween sleepover. One of the girls ended up leaving mid way through because she had another sleepover obligation so it turned out, only 5 silly girls kept me up until 1:30am. And here I thought it would be 3am before I got to bed!

At the sleepover the girls:

Painted pumpkins
Participated in a candy corn race
Bobbed for apples hanging on a string
Put together a Haunted Ginger Bread House
Watched three movies

Finally here are the shots from the Halloween sleepover:











Feeling pretty crappy.

I've had a headache for almost 6 weeks now. No amount of Advil is shaking it. It's most likely the stupid crazy, ever changing weather here in Ohio....and my allergies. UGH

But today I feel like crap. I hurt so bad from my endo last night that I popped a pain pill and went to bed angry. Angry that I have to deal with this pain, angry that LW didn't make dinner because I was out getting my nails done, angry that I still had a headache, angry at the world period. Today I woke up with the same headache and the same pain in my side. Will it ever end?!!!!

Tonight I'm going to try to find some free time and upload pictures from the Miley Cyrus concert and the Halloween sleepover. It's been busy around our house. Plus with me back in school, time is limited tremendously.

I hope everyone has a great week. I'll be back with pictures!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

My exes.

It's rare that you find friends in this world that are true to you. I thought I had one about three years ago...until she slept with my husband (didn't find out until we were divorced thank God or else she would have been missing some teeth and him some balls). We were inseperable for a pretty big period of time...we'd watch movies, we would go shopping, we would have parties...you know all of the girly stuff you do with your friends. She helped me through my divorce. Big joke huh?

Then one day she stopped talking to me....right after my Mom died. She joked about having to come to my Mom's funeral. She told other friends of mine at the funeral that she was there because she "HAD" to be. Long story short. I called her out on it, she stopped talking to me and now she is with my ex-husband as she left her husband to be with my ex.

But today I saw a picture of them both.

Priceless.

He got fat and uglier.

She got ugly and fat.

Is that mean? I suppose so. But it hurt more losing her as a friend then losing him as a husband. It hurt knowing I was being made fun of while they were sleeping together and I was married to him. It hurt knowing I was trying to give him a baby when he was out running around.

But today. I feel good.

I made the right choice leaving him.

I made the right choice calling her out about her actions at my Mom's funeral. I will NOT let her taint the death of my Mother.

She WILL see that I am happy, healthy, skinner than her (hey I lost 1.5 pds in a week!), and with a man who has an education, a fantastic job, hobbies, great kids, and a life that her man (my ex) will never be able to give her, without the debt collectors banging on his door (I had to change my home number because three years later they were still calling my house looking for him!).

Life is good.

I'm where I need to be.

I'm happy.

Monday, October 12, 2009

So much going on!

There is just so much going on right now that I think I'm going to start posting on only certain days of the week....or going to only once a week...say on a Monday. However, the Gemini inside of me can't decide!

There are several things going on in my life that are keeping me busy.

- We have an extended family member who was diagnosed with brain cancer. She is 9 years old. Her surgery is scheduled for October 22nd so I may have to take care of my brother's kids while he is with his wife and her family during this difficult time. My brother lives an hour away so I would most likely take a couple of days vacation to care for my brother's three children...they have school and sports related activities that they would needs suffeled to. Still waiting word if my brother is staying home or heading out of town with his wife. I think he needs to be there, but I understand this is a difficult time for his children as they are close with their cousin so they may want Dad around while Mom is gone.

- I'm being forced out of my current position at work to take a position that is not the career path I want to go down. I've been doing what I do for 15 years. BUT I'm grateful to have a job and my salary will most likely be increased.

- I'm interviewing with a company for a new job that is 100% travel so I'm struggling weighing the pros and cons. Of course the money is FANTASTIC.

- School is keeping me busy. Only three more weeks until I'm done with this class.

- I'm still hoping to schedule surgery after Christmas. But now it will depend on if I am offered the job that travels. I need the surgery, but will postpone if I get a new job.

- I took Kassidy to see Miley Cyrus last week. We went with my BFF and her daughter and we had a blast. The smile on Kassidy's face was enough to know she appreciated the outing. We were 6 rows from the front of the stage. Who's da bomb? :)

- I'm hosting Thanksgiving at my house with LW's family this year. I'm excited and nervous about this. I host Thanksgiving breakfast with my family every year. We started doing that because everyone got tired of eating turkey all day. We get together at 10am every year to watch the Macys Thanksgiving Parade and eat breakfast. So I will have a double whammy with two different families this year. At least we won't have to travel!

Other than that, which I think is enough, things are well. I'm blessed in more ways that I count. And I miss my Momma every day as the days tick closer to her being gone almost two years. It's hard to believe she's not here for me to call her and ask her how I cook a turkey (yes I'm that lame). She's always cooked it at my house in the past when we use to do dinner with my family instead of breakfast. I know I'll figure it out though.

I'll do my best to get to everyone's blogs this week.

Happy Monday friends!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Birthday Blahs......

So I have a friend who sent me a text to remind me it's a male friend of ours birthday. I knew it. But I didn't say anything. If you know me, I won't forget your birthday. I will be one of the first to call you, text you, email you, send you a card, plan your party, etc. I buy all of the birthday cards at work....and I plan the birthday lunches. I post the birthdays for a chatboard I belong to. I seriously like making people feel important and special. Certainly no one wants to be ditched on their birthday!

Then I got to thinking...said friend and a few others never call, write or text me on my birthday. Ever. No one ever throws me a party (my ex did once but I think he was guilted into it). My 21st birthday was celebrated on my honeymoon with my first ex who forgot it was my birthday. My 30th was spent on an airplane flying home from a horrible trip to Las Vegas with my second ex. I have not spent but one or two birthdays with friends. No one has thrown me a girls dinner or a party or made a big deal of it...ever.

So I'm sitting here thinking to myself, why should I go out of my way for said friend above when I bet he doesn't even care when my birthday is?

Don't get me wrong. Most friends (and family) remember and call, send cards, buy gifts, etc. But I've never done a dinner or a party (well the one time). Sometimes I feel as if I care too much. I would go out of my way to make people I know and love feel special. Sometimes I wish people felt the same about me. Said friend and I have been friends for 10 years....there are a group of four of us and we always get together for everyone else's birthday...but my own. You know why? Because I'm the one who plans EVERYTHING. Quite frankly I'm tired of it. When is someone going to remember it's MY birthday? When is someone going to get MY friends together for a party?

It just gets frustrating.

Sometimes, if only for a moment, I wish someone would make a big deal out of my birthday.

Just.One.Time.

I'm done complaining. Off to wish my friend the best birthday ever.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

I'm a little sad.

I don't really want to talk about it.

My 'decision' has been hard to cope with even though I know it's what is best. I cry to myself.

Friends are having babies all around me and a tiny part of me wishes things were better in my life with my health. I wish I could carry a baby to term (I've miscarried before).

I can say I KNOW what it feels like to be pregnant.

I know what it feels like to have morning sickness.

I know what it feels like to have that pregnancy excitement.

I know what it feels like to miscarry.

I'm just a little sad today.

Damn hormones.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

A decision has been made.

I’m saying good-bye to being a Mommy of my own children.

Yesterday I went to the doctor and the news was grave. It’s time to remove my left ovary and my uterus. I knew it was coming I just didn’t expect to lose my uterus in the process.

I go back on October 30th for an ultrasound to see if the doctor can ‘stage’ my endo. I’ve never been staged before so I have no idea what level my endo truly is. Once I’m staged, if she can even stage it using an ultrasound (sometimes you can’t see endo on an ultrasound), I’ll be preparing for surgery. I want to wait until January. I want to get through the holidays happy, as removing my uterus will throw me into menopause and we all know how happy our Mother’s were when they went through the ‘change’.

I have lots of mixed emotions.

Do I want to be a Mom? You bet.

Do I want to be a Mom of an infant at 36? No way.

Will I be happy that I will finally be pain free after 15 years? Hell yes!

Is a part of me sad that I can’t bond as a parent with LW? It’s crushing beyond comprehension.

When I was alone last night on my drive to get my nails done, I cried. I didn’t want to cry in front of LW because I don’t want him for one second to think that he has influenced my decision, because he has not. He does not want anymore children and I’m okay with that. I knew his decision long before we committed to each other. I am choosing to do this….to make this change in my life. I am doing this for me. This is what is best for my health and I have made this decision under the care of my doctor. None the less it is still heart breaking and a tiny part of me will always be jealous of those who have children of their own. I’ll never have someone call me Mommy. I can’t tell you how much that hurts.

Yes I know I can adopt but I’m past that part of my life as well.

I am in this situation for a reason…a reason that only God knows about. For that, I pray for strength and peace.