Friday, January 30, 2009

Poopy Attitude

I'm signing out for the day.

My mood sucks.

Work is killing me so badly that I want to poke my eyes out.

I need a massage, but when I tried to schedule one for tonight, only **Chris** was available and **Chris** is a man, so that's out for me.

Going to the gym this evening to get it all out.

Then home to paint my toe nails and watch a scary movie alone.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Take one...take two....action!

I've been trying out my new Nikon D40 camera this month and here are some of my favorite shots.

Boots and Boomer





Kassidy



LW officiating a basketball game at the Schott



Snowstorm January 28th



My favorite random shot

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

He wants to go away Valentine's Day weekend!

LW has a 17 year old daughter that lives in Arizona. He hasn't seen her since this summer, so he was planning a trip out there soon to go see her. With my work schedule being crazy and my project implementation date being the weekend of Valentine's Day, he decided to go see Lauren that weekend.

I have two feelings about this. One, I know he misses Lauren like crazy, so I so badly want him to get out to see her and I know it would make him so much happier. BUT there's that part of me that's a little sad that he won't be home for V-Day. I'm not a huge supporter of V-Day but I was hoping that maybe I would be since I finally found someone I can love and someone who loves me.

I want him to go see Lauren. He needs to go see her. She misses him and he misses her. I see it on his face every day he looks at her picture. I can't imagine how hard it is to be away from your child. I just wish he would have picked a different weekend.

I'm not stopping him from going because that would be wrong. I just needed a place to express my saddness because I don't want to let him know how down it would make me for him to be gone during Valentine's Day. Odds are I will be working the most crazy hours that day, so it wouldn't be fair of me to ask him to stay home, when quite frankly I don't know if I'll be home.

I did mention this morning that I hope that him, Kassidy and I can all go see Lauren this summer....a family vacation of sorts. He seemed excited that I would want to take time off to be with his children. Why not? I hope one day they become my family.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Crispy Critter

I am one crispy critter!!! I thought it was time I get my tan back. HA! I've been tanning off an on over the years and last year I took a break due to a skin cancer scare (had a mole removed, but all was good!). I decided yesterday, of all days, to get back into the tanning beds. OUCHIE

I was fine until last night when LW thought he was going to put the moves on me. As soon as his hand hit my back I yelped in pain. That's right pain!!!! The kind of pain that begs me to have him leave me alone...the kind of pain that is visible from the outside. I am a lobster. Red as can be. Shiney like Rudolph!

I wish I had a picture to share, but my arms are too sore to reach that high.

I can't wait for all of the comments from my fellow co-workers today!

It's gonna be a fantastic day!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Weight Loss

I swear my weight loss journey has had it's ups and downs lately. But with work being so stressful the only thing that is helping is going to the gym. Imagine that. HA! These last two weeks I have worked from 7am to 4pm, ran to the gym for 45 min cardio and 15 min weight training, home to shower and then I log into work from 7:45 to 10 or 11pm. While it stinks, I seem to get more done in the evening when I am de-stressed. Amazing what an hour at the gym can do for your mind and your body.

With that said, I am down 11 pounds from last year. I know that seems like a small amount lost in a great big amount of time, but I feel good saying it. When my Mom died I was at my heaviest weight ever. I never had time for the gym because I was taking care of her, running to the hospital, feeling sad, etc.

So it's about time that darn weight is coming off. My goal is to reach another 12 pounds lost. I can do it, if I put my mind to it. I'm committed but can I stay committed?

Weight loss is such a huge struggle for me. Never in my life did I have to worry about it. I was always active and always skinny. Food was never super appealing to me, although I never passed up a chocolate bar. :-) It's hard admitting that I lost control along the way. But I'm gaining it back and slowly realizing what's good for my body. I want to live a long healthy life. I don't want to die young like my Mother. I don't want to say I can't do something when I know I can!

So today I record 11 pounds lost, 12 pounds to go!!!!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Cry Baby

Today I woke up feeling miserable...emotional, frustrated, tired. My problem...work. I'm tired of working late...I'm tired of logging into work when I get home...I'm tired of giving up my weekends or shortening my weekends for work.

So this morning, after not sleeping because I'm thinking about how to fix a problem with a test case, I get out of the shower and bang the hell out of my elbow. The elbow I broke on NYE a few years back (funny story!)...the elbow that if it is touched the wrong way, will send me into a crying spree.

I cry. LW says, "Are you okay?" And I cry and I cry and I can't catch my breath and then I start spewing how tired I am, how I need a vacation, how I wish George (my monthly friend) would go away and how I wish for once I could take a day off and not think about work.

Then I realize...my elbow is swollen and bruised. SHIT

Damn that hurt.

And so it is...I go to work with a swollen elbow, bloated as hell, and realize the only good thing coming out of this day is that I get to watch LOST tonight.

All is well now (as I type with a bruised elbow!).

Sunday, January 18, 2009

No Time...really?

Life is so busy right now. I try to remind myself that I have to slow down or else. Or else what? Yesterday I took a nap which is something I never do. I was so tired from work I could hardly stand it. So I slept for three hours. Then got up...ate, played a little Wii, and went right to sleep by 9pm on the couch.

I can't get enough sleep these days. Dunno if it's the stress from working or what. Thankfully LW is supportive and just lets me sleep.

Anyhow I feel like I have no time to blog, to chat or to read other's blogs. So I'll do my best to get all caught up this week.

So now I'm off to work. Yes..I said work. It's 7:17pm on Sunday night and I need to work. Right now life revolves around work until Feb 16th when the upgraded system goes live. I have given my life to this project and I hope and pray that I can survive and that it goes in without any flaws.

Shew....should I nap or work?!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Changing my blog!

I've decided my blog needs some big time changing! I'm no longer single so it didn't make sense and I also need to get a new layout going. Hopefully the layout will be coming soon!

And for those that ask...Happy Girl is a screen name I use on a chat board, and it fits my life right now, so walah!

I've been tagged!!

Here is how it goes: go to your 4th folder (where your pictures are stored) and find the 4th picture....and post it. then explain it.



This is a picture of me and my friend Bev. We were at a 50th birthday dinner for a friend of ours (Brad).

I'll tag: oh crap everyone I know has already been tagged...how about Emily, Cassie and Natalie.

Let it snow, let it snow, let IT snow!!!!

I love it! It's cold (not the best part) and it's snowing (the greatest part of winter)!! I love snow. It's unbelievable how much I love snow. I could talk about snow all day that's how much I love it! I love building snowman, being inside watching it fall and the list goes on! I think it's in my blood as my Dad is from North Dakota and there you can have snow in August!!!

What I don't love is that LW and Chuck will be driving to PA this afternoon to officate a college basketball game this evening. I worry enough as it is when he travels to these games...add snow and I'm doubly worried. Good thing Chuck and him will be together (usually he goes alone). I'm more comfortable with him having company (Chuck's an official too).

Wish I had pictures to share. Oh and right before the wonderful snow started falling, the most beautiful sunrise was happening. It was orange and in the cold of the city it looked all mysterious. LW said he snapped a shot for me from home (he's working from home until he leaves for the game), so I'll have to post it if I have time tonight.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Friday Rewind

I'm an idiot!!! LW and I have only been together 8 months. I guess it feels like the time has gone by quicker than what it really has. Amazing....

I'll post more about the weekend with K and the basketball tournaments. Just super busy with work right now. Suffice it to say, all of us had a great weekend! :-)

Friday, January 9, 2009

Happy 9 Months

Today LW and I are celebrating our 9 months of being together. It seems like forever ago when I saw him walking down the aisle at work wondering if he was single and looking or single and wishing to hell women would leave him alone.

I have completely fallen in love with this man. And I am so fortunate that him and K have entered into my life.

As for a celebration...he has a basketball game tonight. Go figure! So K and I will watch him officiate and have dinner with him...together...as a family. The way life was meant to be celebrated...with family and with those you love.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Sometimes I Just Want to Fit In

That's how I feel today. I feel like I try so hard to be friends with people and fit into their cliques and I just don't. I don't know why, but I wish I did.

Ever since I was in grade school I was the nice girl you wanted to be friends with, but for some reason I wasn't invited to parties or social gatherings. It always bothered me as a kid. And now as an adult, those cliques still exist and yet I'm still the nice girl you want to know, but not the one you want to hang out with. If I'm not the one planning the party, lunch, dinner, etc, then people most likely aren't calling me to come to a gathering, or a cookout or shopping.

It's lonely sometimes.

I know it doesn't make sense but it's bothered me the last couple of days and talking about it helps.

::sigh::

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Burial

A year ago today we buried my Mom. It was a day unlike today...which if you're in Ohio...it's sunny out and not too bad on the chilly side. When we buried my Mom it was snowing out! Snow was everywhere and I swear my Mom ordered it up because she loved snow so much. I'm alot like her...I could sit and watch it fall for hours.

I spoke at her funeral. It was very short and sweet, although I don't remember much of what I said because I think I was still in shock. Plus when I looked to the back of the church, there sat my first ex-husband (yes I have been married and divorced twice). He was invited as my Mom loved him to pieces and of course so did I; we just couldn't figure out how to be married. He even came to the hospital to say good-bye to her and I can't tell you how much that meant to me and to my Mom. We both loved him very much.

At the graveside it was SO darn cold out. And here I sit in chronological order of age next to my siblings, who all had their spouses standing behind them holding their shoulders. For a minute I felt sorry for myself. It was the wrong moment for that, but sometimes with grief comes feeling sorry for yourself for being alone, but then out of no where comes three of my dearest friends, one them handing me hand warmers over my shoulder. And of course all three of them stood behind me and for once I felt like I wasn't alone.

It's just so hard to think a year has come and gone. I've lost grandparents before and Aunts and Uncles, but no one that I was this close to. It's tough. And when you lose someone, there's a process your emotions go through. I think I have cycled through most of them...denial, saddness, grief, devestation, lonlieness, guilt, forgiveness.

Now it's time for rememberance through laughter. I know there will be tough days...her birthday, my birthday...weddings..anniversaries, but some how some way the better days will now out weigh the bad ones.

I love you Mom. And I miss you like crazy.