Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Two years ago today...

I lost my Mom to lung cancer. It was a short battle for her as she was diagnosed early September, had surgery to remove part of her lung in October, and died in December.

It's been a long journey for my family. We have grown closer over the last two years. When my Mom died my oldest sister and I were not speaking (it has been 4 years since we last spoke). Now my oldest sister and I are spending more time together...not like we use to, but enough to feel good about it.

The grandkids all got older and every time I'm with them they talk about grandma, so it's nice to see that she will never be forgotten.

When my Mom passed I was single. Losing your parent is tough, losing your parent when you have no one to go home to to hold you and cry with you and tell you every thing will be okay, was down right depressing. I will never forget leaving the hospital after she has died. When I got home I walked into an empty, quiet, dark house. I laid on the couch for a bit crying, wishing for just one second I could have someone there to make it all better. And then, just as quickly as the tears came on, the anger took over and I tore down every last Christmas decoration I had put up, and hauled my fake tree to the curb, vowing to never celebrate another Christmas.

Last year, our first Christmas without her, was difficult and it's only because of LW that I put up a Christmas tree or any decorations at all. He said I needed to do this for us...for our family...for Kassidy...for my Mom. So this year it was easier to put up the Christmas tree and decorations for I had something positive in my life. I had LW, Kassidy and Lauren. I had a reason to celebrate. And there on my tree this year is an angel ornament that LW got for me. It's to represent my Mom and all she means to me. So every Christmas she will be with me.

The time will get easier I suppose. But today I'm allowed to grieve her loss. She meant more to me then she will probably ever know.

7 comments:

Kristen said...

Thinking of you today, and of your mom.
*hugs*

ModernMom said...

Oh sweetie...I needed a tissue for this post.
Hugs to you and yours today.

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

You have your mom close by always. LW is a wonderful part of you because he knows the things to say and do to make things easier for you. I loved his reminder of the angel ornament and that it now is a reminder of the special person your mom is.

Did Lauren come out or will that be when she graduates?

Danica said...

@CCD no Lauren did not come out. She couldn't leave the boyfriend. UGH :-( She is suppose to come home next summer after she graduates. We'll be in AZ for two weeks while she's graduating though. Can't wait!

LV said...

I can relate to your story today. I lost my mother many years ago to cancer, and attended a dear friends service during the holidays that had it too. Seems so much sorry during the holidays that takes away from the job. Take care over the New Year.

tbonegrl said...

thinking of you and sending love, sweetie.

(hug)

Tooj said...

Taking moments to remember what it is we've lost is important to our day to day goings on. It reminds us to be quick to love and not anger, rest and not rush, smile and hug instead of walking on by. If you can take sad moments and remember how they can be used for today's good...you've got it figured out. :)