Sunday, November 1, 2009

Life has thrown me a few lemons.

Friday I sat in my OB's waiting room after having my ultrasound only 20 minutes earlier. I was sitting there feeling sorry for myself. There I sat amoungst a young couple who were smiling at their ultrasound picture, several pregnant women and their significant others, a young to be mother with her all too young boyfriend and what I assume to be her mother, and a few older people who were most likely there for the dreaded exam.

I was alone. And it was the saddest moment of my life and I shared that moment alone. I won't get into why LW wasn't there because clearly some things are more important than being with me while my insides are being discussed. It hurt. It's resolved with him...hopefully.

My doctor said because of the severity of the endo that she is reluctant to do the hysterectomy vaginially via a scope. So that means that I will be cut. Something I wasn't preparred for. I will be cut just like a woman who gets a c-section. I'm expected to be in the hospital for 3-4 days with a 6-8 week recovery period. Thankfully I'm doing it in January while the weather is horrible so I won't feel like I have to get out and about. It will be a very lonely time as LW can't spend 6-8 weeks home from work.

I'm starting to become more okay with it, and having less 'woah is me' conversations with myself. I can't change how sick I am. I couldn't have done anything different to stop myself from getting endo. I'm following in my Mom and my oldest sister's footsteps. My Mom and my sister had hysterectomy's due to endo in their 30's. I survived longer with it, by about 2 years.

I can only pray to God for more strength. I'm warned of the menopausal symtpoms and some of those include depression. I'm going to do my best to keep myself (and my brain) active during those long 6-8 weeks until I can get back to work and find some normalcy again.

The upside is that my pain should go away. Hallaluah!

Thank you for all of your well wishes over this journey. Everyone of you have been so supportive. It means the world to me. I'm blessed in more ways that I can count.

12 comments:

Liz said...

(((hugs))) Just let me know what I can do for you!

Allison said...

((HUGS)) Sending prayers of peace your way, Danica.

Kim and Dave said...

That's a horrible feeling, being so lonely in the midst of a crowd. I'm sorry!

Diana said...

Today is day four for me after an abdominal hysterectomy. It's also my fortieth birthday. The decision to have it done was an easy one for me to make. I was tired of living with all the problems. I hope you can come to peace with the decision to have the surgery. Good luck.

Simi said...

I wish you the best of luck with the surgery when the time comes, i can't imagine you being out of commision for 6-8 weeks! Holy Moly. I hope it goes smoothly. ((Hugs))

Julie said...

You'll be okay, hon. And you've got lots of us who love you who will make sure of it.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Oh, Danica, that does suck. How hard that must have been to sit there among the other patients.

I've been through two similar surgeries (fibroid removal and ectopic pregnancy), and really--don't worry about the surgery itself. I do feel your pain, though, and it's more emotional; it's certainly a loss.

Hang in there and know you're loved.

Sarah said...

oh danica. i am so sorry you were alone! just remember that you're NOT alone in your recovery. we will all do whatever you need!!

Tooj said...

I hope that you take the 6-8 week recovery period and indulge yourself. In blogging, in television, in friends, in phone chats, in ice cream. :) Don't worry that you're home alone....RELISH it. I hope that you come through with flying colors and the pain is gone instantly. We'll be thinking about you. You know that.

(Those waiting rooms are always such a sticky place to be. Although some look happy and ARE....just try and remember that everyone has their own demons and situations to work through. No matter how they "appear" on the outside.)

ModernMom said...

Big hugs to you. A life without that pain..I see my sister struggle with it. I wish you all the best.

tbonegrl said...

I am thinking of you and praying for you Danica. I know how hard this is for you!

Mandy said...

I'm basically right across the street, so please don't hesitate to let me know what I can do for you during your recovery!

((HUGS!))