Monday, July 20, 2009

My Sister's Keeper

Yesterday I went with two friends to watch the movie “My Sister’s Keeper”. I won’t spoil it here, but just incase you haven’t read the book first….DO NOT GO WATCH THE MOVIE! The book is so much better and the movie leaves out the most critical part in the whole book. Read the book, then watch the movie. If you watch the movie first you will not get the full picture.

Trust me!

So I got to thinking during the movie; as movies with people dying from cancer tend to stir up the pain from watching my own mother die from cancer; how much I miss my mom. If you’ve never lost someone you love to cancer or some terrible disease that lingers on, you can’t possibly understand the ups and downs of their treatment. One day cancer patients are on top of the world, the next day their heads are buried in a hospital basin tossing their cookies. It’s a sad thing to watch.

During the movie yesterday I was about ready to convulse with tears. I don’t know if Crystal could feel the seat move or not, but I was ready to let the flood gates go. Some days are harder than others still as I’m cruely reminded that I don’t have a mother. Case in point. Yesterday the gentleman taking our tickets at the theater asked me if I was old enough to watch a PG-13 movie (God I love him) and I wanted to say, ‘Let me call my mother”. But I couldn’t and I stumbled to say something about calling my father. Why is it we always, as women I think, tend to want to call our mom’s? In times of need, or comfort, we lean on the strongest woman we know…our mothers. It’s tough to admit somedays that my mom isn’t here. And then there are those days where I accept it wholly.

Watching the movie brought back a flood of memories…my Mom’s diagnosis, her reaction, and her tears. I also thought about the days we had to force feed her, the yogurt the nurse brought into the room the day my Mom died, the pastor administering last rights, signing the DNR, rubbing my Mom’s feet the night before she died and wishing I could have stayed longer, laughing with her over seeing broccoli on TV (the drugs they gave her made her do and say strange things), answering my nieces and nephew questions on ‘Is Grandma going to die?”, and the speech I gave at her funeral.

It’s a lot to think about and I couldn’t believe one movie about a little girl dying of cancer could make me feel those things. I suppose it’s the first movie I have seen in that context since my Mother died. It’s amazing what we bury deep inside of us only to have it realized at the most awkward time.

If you’re a mom, hug your babies tight. If you have a mother, be sure she knows how much you love her. And if you’re like me, mother-less, remember just because your mom is gone, does not mean that you are forgotten. We must remember that while they are in heaven they miss us just as much as we miss them.


Coloradolady said...

I have not read the book or seen the movie...I think I will read the book first.

I still miss my grandma more than words can speak. Time helps, but not too much. It will come flooding back when you least expect it.

Crystal said...

You did great, honestly. I didn't feel a thing. I was on the verge of tears through most of the movie thinking about my own baby. Love ya!

Colleen said...

HUGS!!! I've read the book and can't imagine how hard the movie was, even if it wasn't just like the book.

Just know that your mom's looking down and smiling at the woman you've become Danica! :)

crrv said...

I'm so sorry Danica. It sounds like the movie really brought out a ton of emotion that you were trying to not let out. Maybe that's a good thing. It's ok to still feel emotional. There is no time frame for grief. Hugs to you!