Monday, March 9, 2009

It's been 10 months...

of togetherness with LW and nothing about today is happy.

He's upset with me. Go figure.

Why you ask?

I asked him to communicate with me...about the Y (he signed us up on Saturday) and our trip to Cancun.

Is that too much to ask? I'd like to know more about the classes at the Y (and I'd like to workout with him) and more about our trip to Cancun.

Why do men find it so hard to communicate? He has maybe said 12 words to me since we left the basketball game last night...no kiss good night and no hug and kiss good-bye this morning.

I feel like a loser, the worst girlfriend ever, a failure at relationships....a big fat idiot.

Clearly I'm better suited at being single than I am at being in a relationship. If it's one thing I learned from hours of counseling after my last marriage fell apart is...one should ALWAYS communicate. Okay clearly I over communicate now, but wouldn't you rather I over communicate, than not communicate at all?

I guess I'm a nag. I guess it's too much to ask to want to workout with him, or to talk about our recent joining of the Y, or hell, about our trip to Cancun. Forgive me for wanting to know.

So today, is not about happiness, but rather reflection. Maybe I'm better off alone.

At least I wouldn't bother anyone.

12 comments:

Dawna Drake said...

Men... I don't know, sometimes I think that what seems like a reasonable line of communication comes across in a different manner to others. That being said, isn't talking about a trip you're going to be taking half the fun? Maybe something else is bothering him.

Emily said...

*hugs*

Girl, I don't think you're in the wrong here at all!! It's not too much to ask to get details on a trip you're taking TOGETHER! You have the right to know! LOL!

But, I guess it all depends on how you go about asking, too, but I can't imagine that you were holding a gun to his head and FORCING him to cough up the info!

Don't feel bad - you're not a loser!!!

Julie said...

Or maybe THIS is one of the pressing reasons why he's 42 years old (or something) and has never been married.

Stop kicking yourself. This isn't about you being too communicative. This is about him NOT being willing to talk things out in a relationship.

Hugs...hang in there.

Jody said...

*hugs*

Danica, you're too hard on yourself! It's just a little tiff and everyone will be over it tomorrow. He was probably just having a bad day, it's OK, everyone has bad days. And the more you're with someone the more you are aware of them.

Communication isn't really a man's strong suite, so try to be patient.

Oh, on a side note, as for the working out together, we are firm believers in NOT. We're weird about it, we don't like each other watching while the other works out.

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

You know, I am so right there with Boo! It's not you...it's them. Boo doesn't plan ahead or get fine details. He gets the basics and goes from there and that should be fine with me too. But it's not. I want to talk about the details and plans. I like planning ahead of time too...whereas, he doesn't.

It's him so don't be hard on yourself. As much as I love Boo, I find myself saying, "I'm better off single" just like you. It's so much work to keep a second relationship going. At times, I feel like I have one foot out the door just because we are so very different in the way we communicate. I could write a book but I just wanted you to know that I do understand. This too shall pass but you have to decide if this is what you want as far as the way he communicates. Hang in there, Girl!

Danica Lynn said...

Thanks girls.

I know we will be fine. It's just some days seem hard and maybe that's what real love is about.

I never cared much about what my previous two husbands thought honestly. Now I just wanna talk away and be with LW in a way I never experienced with anyone. But like he told me this morning...he doesn't mean to be rude, or mean, it's just who he is. An

Julie said...

Listen to CCD. She knows of what she speaks!

Mandy said...

I second what everyone else said! Men are just like that sometimes, and you're not being unreasonable to expect an answer to simple questions like that. ((HUGS))

Colleen said...

Hugs... you definitely aren't better off alone. You both just need to get used to the communication thing which is the HARDEST part of any relationship. Keep that head up girl... and make sure he gives you a big hug and kiss tonight! :)

travel girl said...

Communication is so important in a healthy relationship. most men seem to be stuffers, don't talk about it and then a week later pretend like nothing ever happened.

Most woman need resolution. We want to talk about it and resolve the issue and move on.

I don't know the answer on how to get these men to open up.
HUGS!!!!

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Oh, you're not better off alone... that's just how boys are. That's why I write blogs on why I wish I were a lesbian. It seems like you two have a good relationship. Keep the faith, sister!

Sue said...

I agree with Jody. Being in a real relationship is hard. People are very different, and if you want to make things work together, you both need to figure out what works for the other, and what definitely doesn't, and compromise on the rest.

Regarding your trip... he planned it as a surprise, right? I know what my DH would feel if I asked him all kinds of questions in the same situation. He'd think I didn't trust that he could plan a vacation properly and that my questions were a sign of that. He'd be pissed that I was trying to "ruin" the surprise by asking questions. If that's LWs thing, then in time you'll learn to understand that and not ask the questions and just go with it. It's hard, but in a good relationship, he'll do the same for you in some other situation.

If you both really want this to work, you'll work through these things. The first year together is really the hardest because of these communication issues. Lots to learn, especially about learning to accept someone as they are, and learning whether you're happy in that relationship making those sacrifices.