Monday, September 29, 2008

I miss my dad.

He lives in Nevada.

Which is too far away.

It's not fair that I can't see him whenever I want.

I might surprise him and go out to see him at Christmas.

It will get my mind of the anniversary of losing my mother if I could see him then.

He's still not well and is partially blind.

Whenever we talk lately he's so sad.

You know what would be better is my brother and I chipping in on airfare for a Christmas present!!!!

Damn I'm smart.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

What a klutz

Besides my pride, I hurt my elbow, knee, hip, shoulder, back and hand when the right side of my body met the pavement Saturday during bootcamp with Nancy. Yes folks, I was working out, in front of my man, head held high and looking good, or so I thought, until out of no where the pavement jumped up and tripped me! I went tumbling, threw my weights and sat there on the pavement deciding if I should cry or have LW pick me up. I sat there with my legs crossed for a couple of minutes, and then I quickly jumped up, realizing all that hurt.

Later Saturday evening I tried to play the Wii over at Staci's house and it didn't go so well for me because my entire body ached with every movement. Today I feel even worse. I hope and pray my achey ass can make it to work tomorrow. If I sit for too long then someone has to help me up! HA

Damn does it suck getting old.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

One Year Ago

One year ago this very month I found out my mother had lung cancer. I remember sitting at home thinking what life would be like without my mom. My mom had always been very sick growing up, but my mom was the strongest woman I knew, and there was NO WAY she wasn't going to survive this. Guess God decided he needed another angel.

In a couple of Sundays I want to attend my mom's church and remember all she loved about being a Christian. I have not been able to attend her church since she died. Too many memories as that was the very last place I saw my mom before we took her to the cemetary. Her grave lays less than a half a mile away from the church. Funny how I pass the church every time I go to see her and every time I want to cry. She loved her church. She loved her church family. Whenever I visit her grave there are pennies around the base of the headstone. That's how I know her friends have been there. My mom never passed a penny on the street that she didn't pick up. :-)

As Winter appoaches I'm reminded just how special life is. I've tried very hard this year to make amends with myself and to reach out to my friends and family. Sometimes it's tough for me because I prefer to take care of others, rather than have people take care of me. I haven't been the nicest person, but I know I'm trying. I haven't been the most giving person, but I know I'm trying. And I certainly haven't laughed like I had in years past, but I know I'm trying.

I miss you Mom. I really really do.

"Ordinary" by Wayne Brady

I love love this Wayne Brady song. It makes me think of LW.

All of our friends keep saying we should be more social
Cuz we keep to ourselves most of the time
They just don't understand what we've got going on
Cuz a love like this is so hard to find
Don't want to live by no one else's designs
Though every day ain't glamorous; To me it's just fine
Unperfect the way that we are oooh

(Chorus)
Nothing ordinary bout the way I feel
Nothing un-extraordinary this is real
Don't need to reach for the stars
Happy here on earth in our beautiful ordinary life
I love my beautiful ordinary life with you

Why don't we spend the day, doing a lot of nothing?
Cuz anything's alright long as I'm with you Baby
We don't need special plans, don't need no reservations
Cuz my favorite place is right here with you
Don't want to live my life any other way
Cuz baby, it's the simple things that can't be replaced
Unperfect the way that we are.

(Chorus)

Like watching you sleep, the way that your paint your toes
The crazy way we, count to three before we hang up the phone
See the life that I live, is so much better girl when you're here with me
Nothing, nothing.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

OSU vs Troy

What a fun day I had with my brother and his BIL and niece. We had so much fun tailgating for the Ohio State vs Troy football game.

We arrived at Planks Pizza on Parsons at 8am! We ate breakfast and started drinking screwdrivers. HA I haven't drank that early in YEARS!



At 9am we boarded the Planks Party Bus which shuttled us to the game. The bus was packed, wall to wall, with people. Beer was being consumed on the bus and there were coolers filled to the brim with beer. Once the bus parked, the grills were fired up with brats and hot dogs on them.






About an hour before the game we started the trek to the stadium. On the way to the stadium we got to see the many faces of Brutus. They were so cool!!!! If you have yet to see them, you must make a trip to the Schott to see them. We stopped and took several pictures along the way and we also ran into my best friend's husband and her kids. They were so excited because it was their first OSU game.





The game was fun, but boy was it hot outside. Still it was great to spend the day with my brother.

GO BUCKS!



Friday, September 19, 2008

Damn, they fit!!!!

I have on a pair of jeans that my squishy ass could hardly fit into in January!!!! When my mom was sick and dying, I had put on some extra weight (I was at my highest weight ever when she died). Stress and saddness can do that to you. But damn! When I put on my jeans today they felt great! Granted, I'm still not at a size I'm happy with, but at least I can fit into my jeans, pre-mom-sickness.

Last night I worked out with a fellow Nestie (yay Simi!), ate pretty well all day, and got a great night of sleep. That makes working out three nights in a row!!! YAY. Tonight I will take it easy and work in the yard. My yard definately needs some loving attention! HA!

Here's to hoping Mr. Goodbar stays outta my mouth today. Julie, he can be a nasty man!!!!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Bad, bad girl!

As hard as I tried, Mr. Goodbar snuck his way into my mouth yesterday...not once but twice. I'm so mad at myself for being so stupid. He just stared me down and that's all it took. Well that and spending an hour with a co-worker trying to resolve a problem that no one understood!!! See, I'm a stress eater.

I did eat well despite and only had a couple of sips of wine at dinner. And I even did 30 minutes of cardio at the gym last night. YAY ME!!!!

Today will be better and tonight I am going back to see Nancy. How's that for trying to battle the fat crisis I'm in?

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

I'm outing my fat again!

Cause if I don't, then I won't lose it!!! I did awesome with eating yesterday, with the exception of eating TWO pumpkins. You know those marshmallow or maramallow kind (the candy corn stuff). And I could have had six for 150 calories, so I didn't do bad at all.

But I went to see Nancy and holy cow, I'm sore today. But that's a good thing. We talked about my diet and my stresses, so hear me fat when I say, I won't eat cheese like I do now and I will avoid chocolate as much as humanly possible!!!! (I figure if I talk to my fat, it will get scared and hide! HA)

Today I will eat better and tonight I will be at the gym. Even if I would really rather be shopping for a black Coach purse!!!! HA

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Dear Fat

I hope you're listening to me when I say, I f-ing HATE that you made me gain 4 pounds in two weeks. You can try and make me cry all you want, but it's not going to work. I'm stronger than you and I will fight you and win. It may take longer than I once thought, but some how, some way I am going to win this battle.

I will avoid stress eating and I will avoid chocolate as much as possible. Just because the candy dish full of chocolate is sitting next to me at work, doesn't mean I have to eat it. I look at you and think I want a piece, but soon I will realize your tricky ways. You can't sneak up on me anymore!!!

I will lose this weight. I know I will. 137.5 will be the last high number I see on my scale. DO YOU HEAR ME???!!!!

Take that FAT!

Monday, September 15, 2008

Holy Wind Batman!

My internet and cable were out most of yesterday due to some crazy wind that Ike had left in his sails. At one point I thought I was gonna be clicking my heels together and flying through the sky in my little house, minus the dog Toto of course. Thankfully my house survived the wind, but I lost a mum that went rolling down the street and my precious new Ohio State windsock (take that OSU for a crappy game on Saturday!).

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Footprints in the Sand

I love this song by Leona Lewis. It makes me cry, but it also makes me think of all of the friends who love me and who have been there for me. I don't know why I never paid attention to the lyrics before!

"Footprints In The Sand"

You walked with me
Footprints in the sand
And helped me understand
Where I'm going

You walked with me
When I was all alone
With so much unknown
Along the way

And just when I
I thought I'd lost my way
You gave me strength to carry on
That's when I heard you say

I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow
And despair

And I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand
When I'm weary
Well I know you'll be there
Cause I can feel you
When you say

I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sadness and despair
Oh, I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand

[choir]

When your heart is full of sadness and despair
I'll carry you
When you need a friend

I promise you
I'm always there
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints
In the sand

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Hodge Podge of CRAP

- I have a torn hamstring
- My ex is probably seeing my ex friend
- I couldn't workout tonight because of stupid torn hamstring
- I miss LW terribly (both of us have been super busy)
- I want my mom back
- I wish I had a new iPod

Anyway nothing exciting. I'm home with ice on my ass.

POOP

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Baldwin Reception

Holy cow, what a fun night LW and I had at a friend's wedding reception at Buckeye Lake. We ate, danced, drank and socialized all night. Infact we didn't even roll out of bed until after 11am today.

Somehow I wound up with a hang over and a huge bruise on the back of my leg....and I don't think that's from the running man dance I was doing with a 6 and 15 year old on the dance floor either. HA!!!!

Lots of Tuaca was consumed and the gaggle of girls who were at the bachelorette party the weekend before couldn't have been happier. Personally I had three pieces of cake...damn it was good. Just don't tell my trainer Nancy!!!

Below are some of the pictures from the reception.





Saturday, September 6, 2008

Jerry

My friend Jerry came into Columbus last night from San Diego. I had my brother and his family over for a cookout. We had such a nice time. It was so good getting caught up. He'll be back on Monday to stay the night again (he's doing some traveling between Ohio, Indiana, and West Virginia).

Here is a picture of my brother, myself and Jerry.


And check this picture out. It's a picture of my nephew, David and myself. Can you see me?????


David is so tall! I'm standing right behind him and you can't even see me. He's 13!!! It's so funny to see how much taller he is than me.


I'll be back tomorrow with some pictures from the wedding LW and I are going to tonight.

Friday, September 5, 2008

133.5

Yes that is my current weight. I'm going to throw it out there because Lord knows I need some embarrassing. Some of you may laugh and think that's nothing. But it is. I am 5"1 and in the worst shape of my life! Just two years ago I was 122. WTF happened? I'll tell you....I got divorced, dated a guy and broke up, my mom died, my dad got sick, etc. But you know what? All of that is excuses. I did this to myself and only I can fix it.

For so long I have always been a petite thing, with normal weight, great legs, skinny face, etc. But now when I look in the mirror I see fat hanging over my pants, a round face and chubby fingers. Sure I'm working out at least three days a week, but that is NOT enough. I need to eat better too. So starting today (better late than never), I am measuring my food, tracking my food and really thinking about what I eat. I have a goal of 18 pounds by January. Yes it's a hard goal, but if I want it, I'll go get it, right? It's like buying something you want. If you have to save for a year to get it, you'll do that right? Well, this is something I WANT and NEED.

Hear me now....by January 1st I will have lost AT LEAST 10 pounds. I can do this!!!!!

Thursday, September 4, 2008

I cannot wait!

Tomorrow my friend from San Diego is stopping out for a visit on his way to Indiana for a party. I'm so excited!!! He's been my friend since I was in the 6th grade. We lost touch between 12th grade and my young adult life, but we re-connected two or three years ago. It's been great!

Here is a picture of us from last summer when I went to San Diego to see him.


I miss him so much. I'm sure there will be lots of tears as I haven't seen him since my mom passed. He wanted to fly out for the funeral, but I told him to stay home. We had snow and the weather was crappy. Besides, my mom knew he loved her. He didn't have to be here for me to know he loved and supported me.

Anyway, I hope to have lots of pictures after tomorrow. He's spending the night and then he'll be back on Monday evening. Tuesday he'll drive to West Virginia for work and then Thursday night he'll be back to spend the night and then off to Indiana again. It's a long complicated story about what he's up to..besides work, he's going to two surprise parties.

YAY! LW has Kassidy this weekend so he won't be able to meet Jerry until Monday night. I can't wait for those two to meet.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Can't figure things out.

I am constantly dreaming about my mom. I just don't understand this. I don't know if she's trying to tell me something, or if I'm trying to 'fix things' in my brain. It's become rather disturbing now. Last night I dreamt she had passed away and I'm at my brother's cleaning his place and her things are there. I could smell her lotion and I could sense her presence. Why does that happen?

I'm really struggling with these dreams. I know every time the 29th of the month hits I'm reminded that it is X number of months since she has passed. I've actually found myself crying in the mornings getting ready for work, or crying on my way to work, because that was the time I would always call to see if she needed anything.

Friday I have a dear friend coming into town. We grew up together and the first thing I thought about was calling my mom to invite her to the cookout with him. What? She's been gone over 8 months now. I just sat there and cried. Isn't it suppose to get easier as time passes? Or am I still living through a year full of firsts? I run to another room to cry when LW is around because I don't want him to feel guilty. His mom had called him Sunday and I ran to the other room to cry. I would give anything to have just one more day with my mom. There is SO MUCH I would say and do.

I'm on my way to hug LW shortly. I definately need that!