Thursday, October 30, 2008

Tough Stuff

Is it possible to become a child again? I'm tired of being a grown-up. Life teaches us many lessons and it seems the older we get, the more responsible we have to become. And I have a complex. I'm my Mom's middle child and my Dad's oldest, so when it comes to being in control and standing up for my parents I get confused. Wouldn't you?

When my Mom was sick and dying I had three other siblings to help take care of her. We took shifts at her house and at the hospital. That's what you do for your family. But my Dad, it's different. Not only am I the oldest child of his (plus remember he lives in Nevada), I'm the only one who cares. My brother and I belong to my Dad (for lack of a better word). My brother and my Dad have a HORRIBLE relationship, thus I'm left alone when caring for my Dad.

Fast forward to last Dad called me and he wants me to come out for Thanksgiving. I'd give anything to spend a holiday with him, BUT this is my first Thanksgiving without my Mom, I have three other siblings to consider since I'm the one hosting Thanksgiving this year, and it's my first Thanksgiving with LW and we will have his daughter. I'm so torn. Then my Dad spins into this out of control banter about how he's not going to be with us next year (he's afraid he's dying) and how my brother hates him. He's grumpy and he admitted it. I'm sorry though I can't take it. My heart is heavy right now and he's not helping one bit. I'm trying to take care of him, but I'm also trying to take care of myself. Many times I've told him I'd pay his airfare so he could come be with me and my brother, but again it always turns into "Your brother doesn't want me there." When I talk to my brother about it he tells me how ridiculous Dad is being and then swears to me he'll call Dad, but never does.

I compromised and told my Dad I would do my best to get out there the day after Christmas. I don't know what else to do and I don't have any more vacation time off from work. I'm just so tired and stressed and sad and frustrated. I sit here and think..."Why me? What did I do to deserve a family that is falling apart?"

I love my Dad very much and this whole situation just crushes me. I'm doing the best I can to keep the peace between my Dad and my brother. Being in the middle is hard. I'm always the one to tell my Dad about my nieces and nephew...what they are doing, how big there are getting, etc. I'm also the one who sends pictures of them because my SIL and my brother are lazy when it comes to that. I know they mean well, but it hurts my Dad and I have no idea how to make them understand.

I know it will all work out in the end. I'm more or less venting because if I don't...I'll go crazy!


Allison said...

I wish I had some advice. Since I don't, just wanted to send ((HUGS))

Coloradolady said...

I hopped over here from another blog. I know exactly how you feel.

There is nothing you can do. I took care of my MIL until her last breath because my SIL was "put-out" by her boggles the mind.

just take care of yourself. Parents tend to get very selfish in their last years, and you can not be something for everyone.

Hope you feel better about this situation soon.

P.S. Maybe you can talk your brother into sending the plane ticket????

travel girl said...

I feel for your situation.

When my Mom became ill, she leaned on me a lot. Since I'm in the medical profession, she relied on me to ask all the right questions, know all the answers and make everything better.

It's a tough spot to be in and I hope it all works out for you.

Jody said...

I am so sorry Dancia. I just wanted to give you some hugs.

Anonymous said...

danica, you have such a big heart. i'm so sorry that you are going through such rough times. i know what it's like to lose a parent. i swear it does get easier. never easy. but easier.