Tuesday, September 23, 2008

One Year Ago

One year ago this very month I found out my mother had lung cancer. I remember sitting at home thinking what life would be like without my mom. My mom had always been very sick growing up, but my mom was the strongest woman I knew, and there was NO WAY she wasn't going to survive this. Guess God decided he needed another angel.

In a couple of Sundays I want to attend my mom's church and remember all she loved about being a Christian. I have not been able to attend her church since she died. Too many memories as that was the very last place I saw my mom before we took her to the cemetary. Her grave lays less than a half a mile away from the church. Funny how I pass the church every time I go to see her and every time I want to cry. She loved her church. She loved her church family. Whenever I visit her grave there are pennies around the base of the headstone. That's how I know her friends have been there. My mom never passed a penny on the street that she didn't pick up. :-)

As Winter appoaches I'm reminded just how special life is. I've tried very hard this year to make amends with myself and to reach out to my friends and family. Sometimes it's tough for me because I prefer to take care of others, rather than have people take care of me. I haven't been the nicest person, but I know I'm trying. I haven't been the most giving person, but I know I'm trying. And I certainly haven't laughed like I had in years past, but I know I'm trying.

I miss you Mom. I really really do.

4 comments:

Julie said...

And I have no doubt she misses you as well, honey. She's with you every moment, just a heartbeat away. This year of "firsts" is the hardest. I'm not saying time heals everything, but it does make the daily ache diminish after awhile. Love you sweetie.

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

That's powerful! I know that the memories will always bring a smile to your face yet, the missing her still exists. I hope that you continue to feel her presence, hear her voice, know that she is smiling down at you.

We are the Ferrari's said...

((HUGS)). I love that there are always pennies there! :)

erinann said...

You are a wonderfully giving and caring person. Truly, one of the best. We should all try to be more like you!