Thursday, August 28, 2008

I wanted to call my mom this week.

Every time I am off work and home I always think about calling her and asking her to go to lunch. We would always do that. I miss it so much it breaks my heart. When will the urge to call her stop?

My mom and I weren't super close growing up. In fact I spent a lot of my life being upset with her because of how she acted. She was an anorexic, alcoholic, pill popping, chelepto(how the hell do you spell that?). I know her life was hard (she grew up with money but I had an EVIL grandmother) and I assume it didn't turn out the way she expected. She wanted to party and us kids just got in the way. But I still loved her and I eventually, after many years of being angry, forgave her. Imagine being in 8th grade and sitting down in your history class with Mr. Bizzell, listening to the kids whisper about reading that my mom was arrested for theft (stole something from the grocery store). I was mortified! She moved out when I was in 8th grade, so I wasn't privy to her every day doings at that point.

But I loved my mom and we moved past all of that. Sadly I didn't move past it until maybe three years ago. I spent time with my mom, but not nearly enough. I can remember going months without talking to her. It's not fair. I want that time back, but I can't get it. All I can do is pray she forgives me as I have forgiven her.

I miss you Mom. I'm sorry.

3 comments:

Emily said...

*hugs*

I'm sure your mom is smiling down on you right now, girlie!

We are the Ferrari's said...

I am sure she has forgiven you! ((HUGS)).

hopeful #1 said...

Many, many hugs to you Danica!!