Monday, August 18, 2008

Feeling Different

Recently I sat down with my doctor and together we decided that after 22 months it's time for me to slowly come down off of my anti-depressants. I am more than ready to function without them, but I am terrified of feeling weepy and defensive. 22 months ago I was going through my divorce and dealing with dating a crazy person, as well as watching my mother suffer from her illness. It was a tough decision on my part to go off of them given that my mother passed away almost 9 months ago, but like I told the doctor I am sad that my mother is gone; I am not depressed. I know she's in a better place where people don't suffer from illness.

So now the trick is feeling good again without medicine. I feel like I'm getting myself back, but I also have started to find I am a little stressed with certain things. I'm sensitive with the guy at work who is making fun of my hair, I cry when I think about how much I miss my mom. I do find that I have more energy and that I listen better and feel like having fun. Shouldn't the medicine make me feel that way more so then being off of the medicine? Confusing huh?

Only time will tell if I need to be placed back on them, but I am hopeful that I can fight the anti-depressant demon. I am blessed to have a wonderful man, the bestest of friends, a roof over my head, food to eat (and plenty of it), a job and so on. With love and support I can conquer anything. I firmly belive that. And I believe in myself.

3 comments:

buckeyebabe99 said...

Lots of ((hugs)) through this journey. It can be a scary world after once you've found peace within yourself while they were helping you heal. I've been there!! You can do it, I know it. You're such a strong person and will be ready to kick this world in the bootie!

Julie said...

Honey, wean yourself off VERY slowly. You will have times that you are emotional, etc. Your body has been falsely thinking it's producing the correct amount of seratonin for 2 years now, it will be a shock to it when it figures out it's all been a lie! LOL...

Seriously...go very, very slow. It should take you a minimum of 2 months to wean off. If your doctor is doing it any faster than that, he's messing you up. Trust me, I know about these things!!

erinann said...

I am thinking of you!