Thursday, April 10, 2008

Missin' Mamma

My mother's birthday is on Monday and I'm dreading it terribly. I would be planning her party with the family and getting everything organized about now. I feel kind of lost. Like I'm missing this little piece of me. I just want to pick up the phone and have her say "Let me check my calendar" and "Oh that sounds good." She never aruged with us and she never said NO to anything.

Last year we had a cook out at my brother's house for her birthday and she had to leave early, as she had just gotten out of the hospital not long before her birthday. I remember that day so clearly because I took a ton of pictures and her remark to me was "Are you afraid I'm going to die?" I wanted to say "YES" but I just said that we need to keep our family documented as we grow and change every year. It's so true though...think about how big your child was last year, or even about how much you as a person has changed within the last year. I look at myself and realize how incredibly stong I have become in just a years time. I lost a serious boyfriend, friends, and my mother. I struggled at work and at home. But I survived...some how some way God wants me to be successful.

So I keep trudging along, as sad and hard as it is. I keep my head up the best I know how. I just miss her something terrible right now.

4 comments:

jac said...
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jac said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jac said...

Reading this entry, my eyes just filled with tears for you. I can't imagine what you are going through and the feeling you are feeling. I hate thinking that these things happen for a reason, especially when you are in such pain. Just try to think of all of the memories, and maybe go out to dinner to celebrate her life! She would love to see you celebrate! I hope Monday isn't too terribly hard! I'll be thinking of you!

P.S. I was having some issues with spelling and having the make since... sorry for the deletes.

Julie said...

One step in front of the other...this year of "firsts" is the hardest. I promise you this is the worst it will be.

(((((hugs)))))